The Diary Of An Irish Man Living In Canada

Dont Ban Me

THE DIARY OF AN IRISH MAN LIVING IN CANADA

FIRST WINTER

December 20th
It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we’ve seen for years. The wife and I took our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It’s so beautiful and peaceful.


December 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening slow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day, a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a showman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose and had a snowball fight. A couple of snowballs just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.


December 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and busHes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish-grey.


January 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars. Fell on me arse in the driveway, went to a physio but nothing was broken.


January 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife’s car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing. Had another 8 inches of white sh*te last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush - that bastard snowplough came by twice today!! Where’s that bloody shovel ?!!


January 9th
More f**king snow !!! Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater, which tipped over and nearly torched the ****ing house !! I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands, lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car hit a f**king deer on the way to casualty and was written off!!


January 13th
F**king bastard white sh*te just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little c**ts next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back – I’ll shove that carrot so far up the little prick’s arse it’ll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch the arse-hole that drives the snowplough, I’ll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael f**king Schumacher and buries the f**king driveway again.


January 17th
16 more sodding inches of f**king snow and f**king ice and f**king sleet and God knows what other white sh*te fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice-pick. Can’t move my f**king toes. Haven’t seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f**king snow forecast.
F**K THIS, I’M MOVING BACK TO DUBLIN!!!!!

lukeUCD

ha ha absolutly brilliant!

kmart6

gud'un

de5p0i1er

Sounds about right.

UnrealQueen

Hmmm... i posted this not so long ago.

froggie_1

:mad: doesnt make it not funny... havnt seen it before!:D