Tallaght

MrVestek

Ok i just came second in a national secondary schools poetry competition with this remodelled poem so i thought i'd post it here.

Tallaght

NOTHING is so beautiful as Tallaght
When burnt cars, and wheels, look long, and lovely, in that bush
Scumbag's heads look little low hoodies, and Garda
Through the echoing siren does screech and skid
The ear, he's frightening to hear him roar
The glassy-eyed eejit leaves the scene
The decending blue; that speeding is all up and down
With speediness, the racing joyriders do have deadly their buzz

But what is all this fun, and all these frolics?
A strain on the government's sweet handout
In serpant's garden, have, rob, before it's gone

Before they kill, Christ Lord, they're sour with sinning
Innocent mind corrupted in girl and boy
Most, O Maid's child, thy choice, un-worthy the looser

Modelled on Spring by J.M Hopkins

BEAT

Well, I will say that I find it interesting but I am surprised you won any place in the competition with it. I dont mean to be rude, it just isnt something I would vote to the top. What other poetry do you have? I'd like to see something else, maybe something you dont feel is as good. It may turn out to be something that is better.
Keep up the good work though, and thanks for sharing with us.

bus77

Its anti joyrider so all the old fogies must have loved it.

I hate it:p

CuLT

Hehe, that's a funny remodelling, kudos

OmeGar

That was very good. thanks for sharing