tell my friend or lose her?

LegacyUser

(i'm a regular boards.ie person)

last summer i met a fantastic girl, who i became good friends with. i thought she was very attractive and she was a really fun person to be around. i wasn't in a relationship at the time, but i had a few unresolved relationship issues so i didn't want to get involved with anything, but they're all sorted out now. we did go for a few drinks as friends but that was about it. i left where i was working and my phone was stolen within a few days of leaving so i didn't hear from her any more until i bumped into her by chance on the street. since then we've met up a few times since for coffee and in the pub. it's wrecking my head now. she's really great craic and we can talk for hours about anything. but i can't seem to tell her how i feel about her, i don't know if it's fear of losing her as a friend or what.

i'm a 21 year old guy, this stuff never bothers me normally and i'm clueless about what to do. we're really open with one another about everything so i hate keeping this from her. if i tell her it has to be to her face, not on the phone, email or text. what would everyone do?

Beruthiel

tell her
I'm betting she half knows already and as she spends a lot of hours with you just chatting, there is a high possiblility she feels the same*


*I accept no responsibility for the above comment if i'm totally wrong

MrPinK

Tell her right now. She may feel the same, or she may reject you flat out. But if you keep putting if off she will move on and meet someone else. You may still remain good friends, but you will regret not acting for a long, long time. You'll have to live with the fact that she might be with you now if only you hadn't of hesitated, a fate much worse than rejection.

LegacyUser

so far everyone's saying tell her. how do i find the right time to do this? the two of us could argue for hours about this and that. only a couple of days ago was saying that women win arguments because they've got something men want. don't know if this had anything to do with it, but when she was getting on her bus to go home i felt like just blurting it all out to her, but something just stopped me. what's wrong?

Sleepy

There's nothing wrong, you're just nervous because you feel there's a lot that could go wrong. I can't see it though. She sounds like a good friend and I've never known a good friend to give up on a friendship because the other person feels a little more for them than they thought.

Tell her. Don't be dramatic about it. Just ask her if she ever thought there could be any more to your relationship than you initially thought. Watch her body language, there's a lot of things we do subconciously that indicate an attraction. Does she put her hand on your arm when leaning in to tell you something? Hug you hello/goodbye just that microsecond too long? "mirror" your gestures/movements? If the answer to any of those is yes, you have your answer. If not, give it a go anyway. I've never known anyone to stop talking to me after I've complimented them. It may lead to an awkward week or two but after that, it'll just go back to normal.

A friend of mine spent 5 years waiting to tell another one of our friends how he felt about her. He finally did last year and the guy has never been happier. Neither has she

LegacyUser

The right way to say it is any way and the right time is the next time you see her. She might say yes or she might say no, whatever she says just move on. Sounds to me like you're already far too into this girl for your own good.

nads

Tell her, and if she baulks at you for telling her just say: 'I was only messin', don't be a sap!'

Then BAM! the old fork in the eye

Big Ears

U should of done it on April fools day then theres something to fall back on,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,although she could think ur jokeing

LegacyUser

i know MrPink is right. if i don't do it soon i know i'm gonna regret it.

sleepy's hit the nail on the head a bit. she does lots of the signs you say in your post.

have i really left it too long already?

Laguna

I dunno man, i wouldn't personally tell her just in case it backfires, if she feels the same maybe she'll make a move on you.. or something?

fitz

Just be honest with her.
You'll be suprised how enlightening it is to come out and tell her.
There's no harm in showing your a bit nervous, she'll pick up on it and ask you what's up.
You can then just tell her you're a bit scared about something that's on your mind.
She'll ask what it is, and you can just tell her how you feel.
And that you're scared of losing her friendship by saying it.

Then you're covered either way.

Sleepy

Originally posted by BoardsPerson
i know MrPink is right. if i don't do it soon i know i'm gonna regret it.

sleepy's hit the nail on the head a bit. she does lots of the signs you say in your post.

have i really left it too long already?

As I mentioned, a mate of mine left it 5 years! As long as you're both still single, you haven't left it too late. Go for it!!!

Victor

Tell her casually you are desparate for a snog / shag (without saying who with). See how she responds.

Macseamusa

i was in the same position as you, so i know how frsutrating it. I prepared myself or whatever anwser she could give when i went to meet her, and i was really nervous. So i told her how i felt, she smiled and said that she did not feel the same way. Althoguh i was ready for anything, it still came as a shock. But now we are even better freinds so it all worked out nicely. Ever now and again she jokes about it saying' are you trying to come onto me' and ill just say yeh. and we both laugh. I know now that nothing would happen between us, because she made it clear and i would not pressure her into something she didnt want to do.
so go for it, tell us how it went. Its not as if she is going to run away and say no i dont wanna be ur freind now. Anyways good luck.
*edit* sorry about the spelling mistakes

Sleepy

Good advice, Mac. Let us know how it goes for you BoardsPerson!

Red Alert

She felt the same way.
Thanks to all.

GothicChick

I love happy endings.

All the best to ye.