marriage in 20's

LegacyUser

After spending ayear living with a girl i like she has returned home. I have tried to join her over there but australia seems to be on lock down. We decided that even though we have been apart for so long we may consider marriage. Each day we were together, living together was amazing, felt like home. Then when she moved we have kept this going for a few months now. Thing is....she has suggested marraige to keep us together. I am in my mid 20's she is leaving college. I love her and the prospect doesnt daunt me at all, but what are peoples opinions about marrying in the 20's?

sceptre

Marriage just for the purposes of keeping a couple together makes as much sense as having a nipper to keep a couple together. I'm not a fan of this "if it's meant to be it's..." fatalistic bull so it's a case of having to work at it.

Do /not/ get married to try and keep the two of you together. A piece of paper and the associated commitment isn't going to keep you together any more than the commitment on its own. Why? Because it's not the 1950s any more.

Gordon

Why does it matter what other people think about it?

Getting married just to keep you together is a bad idea in my opinion, seeing as you asked. It's a bit of a facade isn't it? Does it mean that otherwise one of you would be 'allowed' to go off and cheat and in following this break up with the relationship.

One thing that has always niggled me has been women that wanted to get married just for security- not to love and cherish for ever and ever but - just in case the guy got itchy feet. Although I'm not saying it doesn't exist with the men wrt the women. I'm sure it is equally felt on both sexes.

Anyway, who cares what others think - if you really aren't daunted about it then go for it. Seeing as you aren't daunted about it.

She wanting kids soon?

tinkerbell

If you love someone, then that love alone should be enough to keep you together, if you want it to work. Get married because you both want to, and for the right reasons. If she suggested it jus to keep ye together, then marriage for ye doesn't seem like such a good idea.

Then again, if you do wanna get hitched to her, know she's the one that you wanna be with forever, then go ahead and marry her. Who cares what other people think, it should only be what you and her think that matters.

Quigs Snr

Yes but in this case would the marraige not help to keep you together because if you do marry her, and I take it that she is an aussie, then you can go over there and live there too.

If she is worth it, I say to hell with being rational "its just a bit of paper etc....", If you want to be with her then go for it. You might regret it if you don't (then again you might regret it if you do), all I can tell you is that when I look back on my life (i'm late twenties) and write down my top 20 regrets, one is something I did, 19 are things I didn't do. The biggest being letting something like what you are describing slip away, and I will never forgive myself for it.

The problem with people is that they think that there is a fixed timetable for life, they are wrong, it is different for everyone. If you are 100% sure then go for it I say, but go into it with your eyes open.

loismustdie

from what you say there is no reason not to marry. don't worry bout other poeple's opinions

Beruthiel

if she wants to get married to be with you, then why is she living the other side of the world? just wondering...

Imposter

IMO if ye have exhausted all possibilities with visas and whatever and cannot be together that way then it's perfectly reasonable to get married in order to be together. As Quigs already said if you don't do it you'll probably regret it and if you do do it and it doesn't work out you can always split up.

If you think ye are really in love then splitting up shouldn't happen. If you are having doubts you need to work them out with her and/or family or friends that know you. Good luck.

dudara

if she wants to get married to be with you, then why is she living the other side of the world? just wondering...

spot on!! Marriage for the sake of keeping you together is no good, as a couple I know are finding out.

uberwolf

Originally posted by Beruthiel
if she wants to get married to be with you, then why is she living the other side of the world? just wondering...

yeah what was it that prompted her to leave? Will she not come back? and does marriage only exist as a way past the need for a visa? V.poor reason to marry if thats the case.

Nuttzz

She is leaving college and she wants to get married!!!! Ahh what is wrong with people, the first few years after leaving college are the best, the 20's is all about living life to the full not getting married getting mortgages having kids and staying at home, believe me if you do you will look back on all of it at 40 and say "boll0x!"

Corksham

I agree with what Quigs Snr said in his post especailly about the timetable bit, if you think it is right go for it. We are all so worried about what other people think (and I mean all, even people who think they don't give a ****).

Carpe Diem and all that

query

Something else to consider - not a comment on rights or wrongs of the situation - but from my experience australians tend to get married earlier - so that could account for her suggestion. My cousin lives there and she's 25 - she isn't married but all her friends are and she's given her boyfriend an ultimatum as she feels she's on the shelf. Meanwhile I'm a good 4 years older but Ireland seems to be much more relaxed about the whole thing - and I'd hate to be married

seanybiker

im 21 and going with me missus for the last 5 years I'd love to marry her.:D

soma

Originally posted by mark mc bone
After spending ayear living with a girl i like she has returned home. I have tried to join her over there but australia seems to be on lock down.

2 things I don't get here...

1) can u explain 'lock down' above..? Are u saying it's extremely difficult for u 2 get a resident visa..? AFAIK if you are under 30 and have a degree, some work experience, it's a v good start on your application, no..?

2) Could you maybe get the 1-year holiday visa for australia..? You'd be in a better place to say if you'd like to marry her after living w/her for a year in her home country.. or have u already used that visa yourself..? I think you can get it again now..

Typedef

Age shouldn't be an issue.

Lots of muppets will tell you to 'enjoy' being young, which is a euphamism for sleep around.

You get alot of said people who get on in years 'still' sleeping around.

That said (I) don't intend to get married, but, I have my own reasons for that.

For most people, I say, if you love them and they love you and you can't think of a reason why 'not', then age shouldn't be the reason you sieze on to say no.

Say no, if it's not what you want, but, realise that saying "I'm too young", unless you are <=18 years of age is bull.


Typedef, uber coder, sex idol, bachelor.

*grin*

Edit:

Do as I say, not as I do!!

Nuttzz

Lots of muppets will tell you to 'enjoy' being young, which is a euphamism for sleep around

not really, a wedding will cost you the guts of 20k, a deposit for a mortgage will cost you more or less the same and a kid will cost you up to 10k a year, do you really want this when you have just stepped out of college?

You can stay with the same person, I've spent the bulk of my 20's and now into my 30's with the same person, it doesnt mean I have to get married or sleep around. We have travelled quite a bit etc and had a laugh for the past 10 years, my friends all ask "why dont you get married?" I have yet to hear a good reason to do so.