Too young to know the meaning of love???

Barbie_666

Im 16, I'll be 17 in 2 weeks, my boyfriend is 20, and I've been going out with him for 17 months.I think i love him...im not really sure, but it feels right, and iv never felt like this about anyone before.He has been chatting to my friends about getting engaged, when I turn 18.Am I too young to be thinking about setteling down???
Please help me, as its doin my head in.:(

Woden

well i was in a long term relationship from when i was 17 and by the time i turned 18 i knew i was i love then, so to answer you question i don't think you are too young to be in love.

settling down and getting engaged, well if it feels right.... we went out for four years before i decided that that relationship was not the way forward any more, and it was partly due to the fact that i was not the same person that i was when i was 21, then when i was 17 so being now quite cynical i don't think you will be the same either.

i think that there may be a lot to experience in life before tying myself down now and settling down which i could have done probably quite easily would have been the wrong decision and i would have regretted.

however if you love him and you know it you could go for it, its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, waffling over now

regards

data

Gummy Panda

Originally posted by Dataisgod
well i was in a long term relationship from when i was 17 and by the time i turned 18 i knew i was i love then, so to answer you question i don't think you are too young to be in love.

settling down and getting engaged, well if it feels right.... we went out for four years before i decided that that relationship was not the way forward any more, and it was partly due to the fact that i was not the same person that i was when i was 21, then when i was 17 so being now quite cynical i don't think you will be the same either.

i think that there may be a lot to experience in life before tying myself down now and settling down which i could have done probably quite easily would have been the wrong decision and i would have regretted.

however if you love him and you know it you could go for it, its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, waffling over now

regards

data

Data are you a clone of me or something?

I was going out with a girl since i was 15 and it ended when i was 19. Like what data said, i changed as i grew older. College can do that to a person.

All i can say is enjoy the moments you have with them now and leave the future to its self.

Woden

Originally posted by clownboy
Data are you a clone of me or something?

hmm long term relationship, FF XI and star trek, must be, great minds and all that

smiles

I think the meaning of love changes with every person that you fall in love with, it will feel different every time, experiences change people.

You're not too young, but I hope that it's going to be a long engagement, I think people need to get to the point where they know where they're going in life and what they want to do, stuff like college and looking for jobs, etc. all change people, and not necessarily in a bad way.

My sister went out with the same guy from when she was 16, all through school, college (different ones), and they were engaged for the last year or two of college, and got married when she was 23, and they'd both got jobs and stuff like that all sorted.

<< Fio >>

Seraphina

love is very subjective, so there's no point in discussing that aspect of things. however at your age, when you haven't even finished school yet you shouldn't even be considering stuff like engagement or marriage. your feelings may be strong, but if they are, they'll last and there's no need to be getting into legally binding contracts etc.
i'd advise you finish up school and college before thinking about things like that, college can change people alot, and its possible you could grow apart. you should also get out and see the world a bit before you settle down, you're still young, there's alot to be done yet!

my mum got married at 23, and even though they're still happily married more than 30 years after they first met, she has always said that she was far too young and recommended we wait longer.

there's plently of time for marriage and mortgages etc later in life, enjoy your youth!

spectacleinrock

You said you think you might be in love,

in my experience u don't think it, you just know.
If youre unsure then u probably are not in love.

Personally i think you are not to young to love someone but far too young to get married.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Barbie_666
He has been chatting to my friends about getting engaged, when I turn 18.Am I too young to be thinking about setteling down???
Please help me, as its doin my head in.:(

what's the rush?
seriously, think about it
you've just started on the journey to the person you will eventually become, the amount you are going to change in the next 8 to 10 years is quite staggering. I met my ex husband at 16, we got engaged when I was 21, by the time I hit 30 we were finished. I cannot stress enough how stupid I was not to shop around in my teenage years, I missed it all!! I was so sure I knew everything, only when you realise that in fact you don't, that's when you really start to grow up. I had change so much in my twenties that we had absolutely nothing in common anymore.
Take your time, get your education, make sure you have a job so you are able to support yourself, then and only then should you be thinking of getting engaged. You have your whole life time together, there is really no rush

My one best advice to you is make sure you finish your education and that you have a job where you can support yourself
just incase....

Sangre

Am I the only one slightly disturbed by the fact a 19 year old was going out with a 15 year old or there abouts?

Anyway, it think its quite unfair of him to be mentioning engagements to his friends and not you. He should realise how young you are and avoid putting any kind of pressure on you. Of course he can feel that way, but you are seriously way to young, especially in this day andaage. Just ask him to put that hold on thought, putting a set date like your eighteenth birthday is just a restrition on freedon

passive

barbie: Im 16, I'll be 17 in 2 weeks, my boyfriend is 20

sangre: Am I the only one slightly disturbed by the fact a 19 year old was going out with a 15 year old or there abouts?

regardless of the age difference issue and the rights and wrongs of that...
how did you look at the screen, think of a reply, then make up completely different numbers!?

anyway, barbie.. whether you're in love and whether you should be considering marriage when you're 18 are two completely different issues...

you think you're you're in love if you think you are.
it was love if you look back in a few months/years and know that it was.
you can only tell afterwards.

its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out,

thats still no reason to get married!? if you really love each other you could stay together for years before legally binding yourselves to each other..

Michelangelo

Im 16, I'll be 17 in 2 weeks, my boyfriend is 20

I never understand why guys my age go out with 16 year old girls. Actually, I do, but I won't be saying that here. [ L O S E R S ]

My advice to you Barbie_666 is to, as Beruthiel put it, shop around. By this, I don't mean "be a slut". I mean, don't be putting yourself under pressure to try love someone you are not sure you do. If things do not work out, then meet more guys your age or a year older(roughly) and try learn more about differend people etc. You generally learn a lot about people in relationships as you know yourself I am sure. I know I do anyway. But, I personally think this guy is weird. I mean, seriously? What is he at? You seem like the sensible one here asking for advice about this issue so obviously, this is bugging you out and I do not blame you one bit because you are so young and have a lot of fun to have. I do not think you will have that fun in a relationship with a guy who is obviously a lot more insecure than your average 20 year old. I mean why is there such a rush for him to ask you to marry him as soon as you hit 18. Why not just play it all by year.

I dont know. Dodgy situation. Hope this helps some way.

embee

Originally posted by passive
regardless of the age difference issue and the rights and wrongs of that...
how did you look at the screen, think of a reply, then make up completely different numbers!?

Was it that she said shes 16 now, almost 17, hes 20 and they have been going out for 17 months perchance?

StephenInsane

Originally posted by Michaelangelo
I never understand why guys my age go out with 16 year old girls. Actually, I do, but I won't be saying that here. [ L O S E R S ]

That and they can't get a girlfriend their own age. This guys actually so possesive about the 16 y/o he has, that he wants to get engaged to her.

chill

Originally posted by Barbie_666
Im 16, I'll be 17 in 2 weeks, my boyfriend is 20, and I've been going out with him for 17 months.I think i love him...im not really sure, but it feels right, and iv never felt like this about anyone before.He has been chatting to my friends about getting engaged, when I turn 18.Am I too young to be thinking about setteling down???
Please help me, as its doin my head in.:(

I'll give you my 2 cents..... he's way too old and the fact that he's dating someone your age worries me about his maturity. However.
Secondly you have to separate love an committment. Are you in love ? I would guess probably yes. It's wonderful. But does that mean that love must lead to some kind of committment ? no ! You've loads to do, see and people to meet and places to go and things to do.... before you even start to think about committment. And you can do those things together ! great ! but you don't have to commit to anything to do those things.

hey... my 2 cents as promised.

Sangre

Originally posted by embee
Was it that she said shes 16 now, almost 17, hes 20 and they have been going out for 17 months perchance?

Exactly....so when he was 18 she was probably 14. Now that is fucked up. Being 18 myself now, I could never, ever go out with a 14 year old, let alone try and have a decent conversation with one. Maturity aside, you are just in completely different points in your life.
Why does this guy want to marry so soon? Has he no career ambitions, could he support you? Seems like he has nothing else to really look forward to, so he is dwelling on this.

On the issue of love, who cares if you're in love, just enjoy your time, society fixates on the word 'love' too much, despite the fact it doesn't have an objective definition. Well, thats society for you, pressuring everyone to reach the unattainable.

passive

Originally posted by embee
Was it that she said shes 16 now, almost 17, hes 20 and they have been going out for 17 months perchance?

d'oh....

no idea how i missed that. it just didn't click at all until you said it..... sorry sangre

Beruthiel

I couldn’t agree more about the age thing, I had decided to say nothing on that particular issue as I didn’t know if she wanted to hear that or not, if they were both in their twenties it would mean nothing, but I always wonder about a man going for a teenager like this, how is it that he cannot go for someone his own age?
A 15/16yo may think she’s grown up but when she looks back later in life she will realise how scarily young she was to be making such life altering decisions, and how a 20yo man can expect her to make such a decision is beyond me, again, I ask whats the rush.
That horrible saying seems apt here, marry in haste, repent at leisure

Woden

thats why there is a law when you are around that age that says you can't go for anyone younger then half your age plus 7 and you always round up.

20 ---> 20/2 --> 10+7 = 17

its the law i'm telling ya

Zulu

Originally posted by Barbie_666
Im 16, I'll be 17 in 2 weeks, my boyfriend is 20, and I've been going out with him for 17 months.I think i love him...im not really sure, but it feels right, and iv never felt like this about anyone before.He has been chatting to my friends about getting engaged, when I turn 18.Am I too young to be thinking about setteling down???
Please help me, as its doin my head in.:(

YES, are you crazy?
Look, you're young - you may have met the ideal man, I don't deny that. You may live the rest of your lives together happily, I don't deny that either.
Whats the rush?
Why do you want to be married at 18?
Why not 28, whats the difference?

Go live together for 2 years, see how you feel then.

Kali

Go live together for 2 years, see how you feel then.

definitely.. thats if it even lasts through college as well.. people change a lot during those 4 years .. maybe thats why he wants to pin you down

Wolfie

Originally posted by Seraphina
and there's no need to be getting into legally binding contracts etc.

my mum got married at 23, and even though they're still happily married more than 30 years after they first met, she has always said that she was far too young and recommended we wait longer.

there's plently of time for marriage and mortgages etc later in life, enjoy your youth!

LOL.. who says romance isnt dead.. legally binding contract.... hehe.. however, I agree totally with this advice. I think you're too young to get engaged or married. You need to experience life a little more before you settle down. Freedom is a wonderful thing, and something one only appreciates when it is gone. I'm in a relationship for a couple of years, and am happy, however, I'm 27, which means I've had around 10 years more freedom and experiences. When you get married there are a lot of pressures, and its not fun.. especially when you are young.

Zulu

Originally posted by Kali
definitely.. thats if it even lasts through college as well.. people change a lot during those 4 years .. maybe thats why he wants to pin you down

College and age aside. Any friends of mine (mid-twenties) would get the same advice. Living with someone is VERY different.
Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt, loved it. It didn't work out - but at least we didn't have to worry about a messy legal problem. We didn't have to pay expensive lawer fees.

It's marrage without the hassle.

planck2

I agree with most of what's been said. This guy is definitely too old. I have a sister 16 and if a guy my age (22 next week) or 1 or 2 years was going out with her, well lets say he'd be very good friends with the floor.

As for the love issue, your not too young to realise that you can care about someone a lot at your age.

The guy is definitely insecure, if he is secure then he wouldn't have said anything to your friends.

Be the responsible one. You learn so much about yourself in your early twenties. A friend of mine who I really like is gone abroad, now she knows how I feel, but she doesn't know what she wants in life or what kind of person she wants to be with for the rest of her life. What I'm saying is at your age you are too young to settle with one person, so go out and meet other people

uberwolf

From stuff u've said in other threads, you've had an awful lot going on in recent years Barbie_666. So whilst I can't judge your individual circumstance there's a chance you jumped at the oppurtunity to have someone look after you. This is just an extra reason to say what I would say anyway - don't dive in, there is no rush in life. none at all, if you're good enough together now, you'll be good enough together in ten years time. Seriously!!! Don't get hitched until you're at least two years out of college. You'll grow so fast during that period you'll be a different person finishing. And you'll be mature enough to make this decision yourself.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

**** it, you can always get a divorce. and if it makes him happy..

Zulu

Originally posted by Mordeth
**** it, you can always get a divorce. and if it makes him happy..

Silly naive comment. Pay no heed Barbie

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Barbie_666
Im 16, I'll be 17 in 2 weeks, my boyfriend is 20, and I've been going out with him for 17 months.I think i love him...im not really sure, but it feels right, and iv never felt like this about anyone before.He has been chatting to my friends about getting engaged, when I turn 18.Am I too young to be thinking about setteling down???
Please help me, as its doin my head in.:(

You’re not too young to know the meaning of love. If anything, the reverse is true of those of us too old and cynical to be able to remember how to suspend reason in favour of love.

Having said this the question is more of whether you should settle down or not. Between the ages of 18 and 24 is an important life period in our Society - we go from the relative shelter and order of school and family, through to college (where applicable) and on to career and work, living away from home and fending for ourselves. Our character changes with these experiences as we effectively become adults and full members of Society; peers to our parents, in that we will work, pay taxes and have our own places where we can do what the Hell we please.

So, if you are considering settling down, consider that you will not be the same person at 24 that you are today or even at 18 (thereafter we don’t generally change in character a Hell of a lot after 24), and that your choices will affect you even then.

So no, you are best off not settling down. If he is insistent of engagement at 18 (and I would be a little uneasy for you if he were) then be sure you stipulate a very long engagement. That will give you the time to evolve as a person and decide if he’s the one.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Originally posted by Zulu
Silly naive comment. Pay no heed Barbie

you wound me sir..
or madam..

Gillie

Started going out with my G/F when I was 15/16.
Felt the same way about her...
Ten years on and we're engaged to be married this year now and own a house.
We've both done the college thing (more than once in my case) and now both have fairly decent incomes.

Point is we waited until now to take this step to be married.

There is NO rush! Move in together if you wish but do not jepordise your/his ambitions. Don't sacrifice college or whatever be goin off to work in the big bad world just so you can afford to live in an overpriced house.

Take your time woman!:)

Zulu

Originally posted by Mordeth
you wound me sir..
or madam..

I whole heartedly appologise, I realise now, in retrospect that my comment was quite curt. I can only hope now, to attempt to repair the damage I have caused. I understand that your feelings will take longer to heal, than it took me to make such a comment, but I trust one day we can both look back on this, and see it as a brief moment of insanity.

Exit

I don't want to be mean, but judging from these posts:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?postid=1378002#post1378002

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=136970&perpage=20&pagenumber=3

you seem too young and naive to be getting married so early.

Barbie_666

Originally posted by uberwolf
From stuff u've said in other threads, you've had an awful lot going on in recent years Barbie_666. So whilst I can't judge your individual circumstance there's a chance you jumped at the oppurtunity to have someone look after you. This is just an extra reason to say what I would say anyway - don't dive in, there is no rush in life. none at all, if you're good enough together now, you'll be good enough together in ten years time. Seriously!!! Don't get hitched until you're at least two years out of college. You'll grow so fast during that period you'll be a different person finishing. And you'll be mature enough to make this decision yourself.

Thank you all so much for your kind words of wisdom, and your critisim (I'll mention no names...).I was amazed by your response.It made me take a look at my relationship, and think about my future in a different light.But I agree with Uberwolf here.....

lol.

Zulu

Originally posted by Exit
I don't want to be mean, but judging from these posts:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?postid=1378002#post1378002

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=136970&perpage=20&pagenumber=3

you seem too young and naive to be getting married so early.

That’s a bit harsh. You've just referenced random quotes.
I could state similar about your comment, then you could pick one of mine from a different thread, and on, and on.

...but, I do agree with your basic point - Barbie you are too young to be getting married and It's kinda pulling the piss if your looking for a religious marriage (although you never stated that - I'm just taking a guess, there’s something about girls and aisles ).

Exit

The comments I posted were some of the first I'd seen by the girl, and I remember reading them at the time and thinking 'jesus, she's really naive'. So when I came across this thread and read it, I remembered that she was really naive, and I think that could be related to this thread. It reads as if an older guy is almost pressuring her into marriage, and she might not be ready. My post wasn't intended to be harsh or disrespectful, so sorry if it was taken that way.

Yes, you're probably right though. Unfortunately I did judge her on the handful of posts I've seen by her, so again I apologise.

RicardoSmith

Get married at 17? Why?

Barbie_666

Why???




Hmmmm.....not quite sure........


:dunno:

Zulu

Originally posted by Barbie_666
Why???




Hmmmm.....not quite sure........


:dunno:

That says it all.
My advice - BE quite sure, it's supposed to be for life.

Barbie_666

:rolleyes: ...true....

Tommy Vercetti

Don't do it barbs, before you know it, you'll be pushing a pram out of Spar trying to hang onto your plastic bags full of nappies and ****ty baby food!

Bicky

Go for it. babys are deadly and you can dress yours up like a doll in pink. Then when she is your age you can pretend that you are sisters.

Barbie_666

Kold

The fact is just because you love someone, why do you have to get married? Yes, I believe you are too young. If it's meant to be then you don't need to prove it with a gesture that could tie you down and inhibit other aspects of your life. THINK ABOUT THINGS OBJECTIVELY.

Marriage is an expression of love, yes, but it also takes a HELLUVA lot of work. I do think you're too young. I think you should explain to him that you do love him but if it's really meant to be then he should understand that you're too young to do this now. Whilst you don't like to believe it, it really could be wrong. Do you want to stay with him, going out, maybe even moving in with him and when you discover this you can just pack up and leave? Or do you want to be married, maybe even get pregnant then have to go through all the complications of divorce?

My advice would be. You're too young. Don't worry about hanging on to him. Either it's right... or it's wrong. It's far too early to tell.

littlemiss

Was Just reading through the posts and you are too young to decide, I'm 21 I've been with my boyfriend two years and i'm finished college but I still don't feel i have enough life experience to get married. Maybe I'm more cautious because of what happened to my parents but my Mum met my dad at 18 and married him at 21 and it was possibly one of the worst decisions she ever made. Her advice to me is that you grow as you get older and in ten years time you'll be a different person. You also need to get out and meet different people. Your opinions change big time after leaving school. Wait til you finish college at least. You know your own mind so don't let him pressure you into anything.

Mighty_Mouse

OMG don't get married at 18. You have your whole life. So what if you love him doesnt mean you have to marry the man!!!!!!!!!

Havelock

As an older man, who has dated a younger woman for some time (hiss and boo all you want), I will tell you

(A) You boyfriend may not be mature enought for this yet (because I wasn't and ain't) nevermind you.

(B) Even if both of you are, you can stilll get married in 5-6, hell even 9-10 years down the line. And spend those years waiting, together in happyness and with a lot less stress.

(C) Nobody can ever tell you when you are old enought to be in love proper. You'll know your self.

Zulu

Originally posted by Havelock
(C) Nobody can ever tell you when you are old enought to be in love proper. You'll know your self.

Don't know about that buddy.
I often taught I was in love when I was younger, but the older I got, the more I understood. It can be hard in the teens to distingush the difference between passion and love.

uberwolf

I think the only thing about that (caveat if you will) is that you have to experienced the teen love to recognise the real thing and that a teen with no reference point that saying has no real use or meaning.

Zulu

Originally posted by uberwolf
I think the only thing about that (caveat if you will) is that you have to experienced the teen love to recognise the real thing and that a teen with no reference point that saying has no real use or meaning.

Very, very, true.
(but Havelock isn't a teen, and there is no harm mentioning it, even if it does fall on deaf ears.)

uberwolf

Originally posted by Zulu

(but Havelock isn't a teen, and there is no harm mentioning it, even if it does fall on deaf ears.)

was making no comment about Havelock, hadn't even read his post, just struck me as I read your post.