Feeling down and don't know what more i can do

pissd

It's the first time ive posted on any sort of forum and im doing so because theres a lot of s7it going on in my head which i can't explain to myself.
I've been real down for about two months, nothing in particular happened just old problems coming back.
I've been seeing a counsellor for a year, im 22.I suppose part of it is the fact that i am seeing a counsellor.This doesn't happen with normal people?
Anyway, im tired, im bored, im sleeping all day and night.I really couldn't be bothered its like im going through the motions.
I feel like ive nothing in common with anyone, like im always going to have to deal with depression and to be honest im sick of struggling and fighting.Nobody has a clue about the stuff that goes on in my head, my friends don't, i thought i could mention to a female friend but i figure it'd make things weird between us.
I've tried medication and though the counsellor is good, it's not enough, i feel alone, i know i'd never do anything stupid but it doesnt stoping me thinking like that.But at the end of the i'd a done something by now if i really felt like this.
Anyway i need peoples advice, any herabal alternatives? i really want to enjoy life but its just such an effort.My friends are all in long term relationships,so i dont see a lot of them.i'm terrified of the future.I don't trust people and this is really starting to affect me, its like im wearing a mask...nobody knows the real me.
Has anyone been in a similar position...how do you get out of it?
I've tried snapping myself out of it but it doesn't work.I was bullied in the past but i know today-five years on that i ought to have moved on...im 22 and this is the time of my life that i should be enjoying the most and im not.
Out of my friends, we're all going to be going in very different directions in the months ahead, thinking of heading off for a while abroad...but worried it mightn't work or i wont be able to cope-i get panic attacks etc.
My love life is non existant since i split with an ex two years ago, in fairness to her she tried really hard to deal with me and my problems but i eventually wore her down.She moved on but im still crazy for her.I realise that theres no prospect of attracting and keeping a woman when your a guy with depression...any advice for how i should bring this up in future relationships.
Im stuck, lost and don't have a clue what to do.My counnsellor is good but its not enough, nobody knows the real me and im finding it real difficult fighting this by myself.
I posted because i don't want to freak out my friends with this and i was hoping you guys might have some advice.
Anyone been in a relationship with someone with depression..if so what happened and i need some practical advice about what to do.
Anyone ever suffer from depression...how did you get through it?

Barbie_666

i have been in a realationship with someone that had depression...that someone was me.My boyfriend eventually dumped me, and that pushed me over the edge.I stopped eating and started to slit my wrists...neither helped...
i got over it though...and then 3 of my friends tried to killed themselves...2 succeded.
They made me realise how petty my problems were.I know you dont know me, but if you need someone to talk too, im here for you.

Stark

How's your work/college life going? I was feeling like that due to work. Having to go through the motions dealing with office politics and **** 8 hours a day 5 days week saps you of all will to live and all you want to do is sleep (and very likely can't).
Are you getting enough contact with your friends? Personally isolation makes me feel exactly the way you described, I need to be constantly interacting with people.

If none of the above is the issue, try visiting your doctor, you may need to be prescribed anti-depressants. Make sure you get plenty of excercise, it will be difficult to get into it given your current state, but give it about 2 weeks and you'll feel much better for it and will want to be doing it all the time. There are also various dietary solutions to depression but they're complicated and you'll need to know your own metabolism etc. in detail, there's no "one-size-fits-all" solution.

pissd

I know that i'd never do anything though i definitely think of it... yeah i get contact from my friends but dont know if they could handle it..its not that i want them to be a counsellor or anything but more so just that if im down they could distract me, take my mind off things ya know.Sick of fightn on my own.Tried tablets didn't help, exercise does but theres only so much threadmilling you can do.

Barbie_666

Hey...were all here for you!
Where you from any way?

BuffyBot

This doesn't happen with normal people?

You might be surprised. There is no need to feel down for going to counselling. Tell you counseller that you feel like this - maybe even give him a copy of your post as sometimes is easier to have these things written down than tell someone.

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

ok i will tell you my story now. but i just hope it helps you.

im 19. i finished school last summer. I had great dreams about going abroad to the army in england. I really wanted this more than anything ever in mylife. I always felt like i had a yurning/Calling to go. However at the end of summer, i met this girl. 5 weeks into the relationship i loved her so much i asked her to marry me. Surprisingly enough she said yes. 2weeks after that she fell sick. So we went to the doctor. SHE WAS 6 WEEKS PREGNANT. this means she got pregnant in the first 2 weeks of our relationship. I dont know how. I used condoms. Anyway i suddenly felt happy for some reason. Grand i was 19 having a baby and engaged. But i had no job at the time. I slowly got depressed and somehowe dug my self into a hole that i thought i never would get out of. I had pressure from my parents to get a job. Pressure from her parents to get a job. Pressure from her to get a job. Pressure from friends etc.. my life went totally down hill. But the only thing that kept me sane was that i had to cop the f*uck on and get some sence. I got up 1 morning and got a job. just like that. Somehow everything just came together. The baby is due in 9 weeks today. So ive been depressed for 6 1/2 months now. But for some reason 1 day it just came together for me. The pains ended, Pressure from everyone just stopped. I dont know how it happened or why but it just did. I suddenly felt happy again. Even more happy than before.

All im trying to say is no matter how bad it gets and how sad,lonely,depressed you feel just hang in there. I know its not encouraging and helpful but im just trying to say NOT ALL LIFE SUCKS.

Go abroad. i bet you will never regret it once your gone. You cant imagine the possibilities and Life thats out there. Sure maybe your not succesful in where ever you live. ITS A BIG F*UCKING WORLD OUT THERE. You will make it here or there. Just have faith in your self. Before i met my fiancee i never had a girlfriend. or anything like that. Then suddenly im in 1 and happy? It just happened.

Dont worry no matter what you feel and no matter how bad you think of your self your the opposite.

Try being proud. I was never like this or cocky or anything. I was just innocent. But hey thats me. Ur a different person. Be your self. DO NOT BE JEALOUS OF WHAT OTHERS HAVE. theres no point. There life suits them. Not you. You need your own life, your own goals. Forget long term relationships. They will just happen.. you cant go find them. Forget everything else. Just do what you feel like. Go abroad. It will do you good to get away from your town/city.

The worst thing i thought when i was depressed was living a routine life. Getting up. Going to town... SAME SHI*T DIFFERENT DAY! I HATED THAT! SO I CHANGED. IT MADE ME HAPPY.

Give it a try. Not saying this is your answer. It helped me. Might not help you. you need to find your own happiness first. What do you enjoy doing? How about doing that mnore often to make your self feel good? I loved sports and woking out. So i went to the gym everyday. It helped me so much. It relaxed me and made me realise I DONT HAVE TO DO STUFF THAT I DONT LIKE ANYMORE. I CAN DO WHAT EVER THE F*UCK I LIKE NOW.

You can too.

Stark

I really think you should trust your friends with your problems. True friends will want to know what's going on with you. It's also better if you "spread the load" as it were, so you're depending on everyone a little, as opposed to heaping it all on your signifigant other.

Diet wise what do you eat normally?

pissd

Probably not eating as i should....but compensating with vitamins..im from north county dublin.....feel that friends and others can only do so much...this is my life..why aren't i enjoying it.....sick of doing the same things routine.......it feels as if theres no reason why i think of this.I suppose i don't know if i'd be able to cope with living abroad...what if i felt real down over there...who'd i turn to.
Im actually an interesting person when you get through this but i know that im not too attractive when im like this...counsellor encouraging me to get out and about clubs n pubs...but confidence keeps taking a battering...after your posts think i might hit the gym tonight.

Silent Grape

there are loads and loads of people here who have been through the same **** u have. never lose hope in urself. Depression is very very tough thing to have to deal with. ull come out of this a lot stronger and wiser and compassionate.

good luck, things will get better

x

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

pissd thats the right thing to do man. hey if your ever in clonmel in south tipperary give us a shout. message me and well go on the beer for a while have a laugh!. anyways if you were abroad youd make friends faster than you could get a tan in africa. anyways going to the gym will help a lot. sounds like your just down on your self. have more confidence in your self. going to clubs and pubs is grand for a laugh but im sure u know it wont fix everything over night. its going to take time to build up confidence in your self.

how old are ya man? and where ya from? it might give some users here some insight into what your going through. i know several people who have gone depressed from living in the country side and they are 19 - 25.

anyways see how u get on trying the stuff u like most more and more. dont do anything that annoys you over the next week or so. and stay away from anything that hurts you.

that girl your talking about were you with her long? and was it serious? i know that a lot of people come out of relationships blaming there selves and it leads some people to depression. my friends went through it.

pissd

Yeah the relationship was very serious, probably too serious for our ages...i should be well over her by now, it was two years ago.We have no contact now.There isn't a moment of the day that i don't think of her or how i screwed things up by puting pressure on her....i know that i ain't attractive to people-potential gfs and mates-while i am as i am at the present.Trying clubing and pubing, but just don't have confidence around women, as for my mates its an act...they don't know the real me.
Anyone ever been where i am now and got 'it all' in the end, happiness, job, the woman etc...i really can't see it at the moment and its not for the want of trying.
I suppose that i feel real guilty for thinking as i do, i just want to snap out of it...i look at other people and i think that ive no right to be like this, ya know....people like Mike may have the right to be down at times but i don't...ya know....having a kid is pressure being young, free and single is not.

Quatre Mains

Originally posted by pissd
...i look at other people and i think that ive no right to be like this, ya know....people like Mike may have the right to be down at times but i don't...ya know....having a kid is pressure being young, free and single is not.

Look, what you are suffering with is a medical condition. Those feelings of guilt are part of what's keeping you down - you have to come around to the fact that there is nothing morally wrong with feeling the way you do. While it may come instinctively, it is incorrect to think "Well so-and-so is in a worse position than me but deals with it, so I've not got the right to feel so sorry for myself". Conversely, If someone you know who you consider to be in a better position than yourself confided in you and told you they were depressed, would you think they had no right to feel that way - of course not.

Try and look at your position from a mental strength perspective instead of comparing your life to those around you. Your mental and emotional resilience levels are low at the moment, and this is hindering your ability to deal with day to day stuff. Its nothing to do with being terminally weak or a pathetric person, so don't beat yourself up about it - if you even achieve that much it will be a good starting block on which to build.

One of the things I picked up from your mail is that you would hope that your friends would act/help out as a distraction for you when you feel down. Thats ok in itself - however, I also see you're not happy going to clubs etc. at the moment - just a suggestion(and I'm no shrink BTW), but if that type of night out is pissing you off, then why go along? When you say distraction are you inferring that you spend a lot of time alone stewing about your problems? If so reply and we can explore options available to you(this was discussed in another recent thread actually).

Cheers
Neil

pissd

Well its not that im spending a lot of my time idle, im busy but just permanently irritable...i don't really have a whole lot of time to myself, so yeah theres a bit of irony about me wanting my mates to know but not know..im feeling stressed and theres no reason, everyone has stressfull lives in one way or another so i can't figure it out.I suppose im stewing a bit, i see a counsellor...i try not to stew but things are just on top of me.

And as for the pubs...people say if you keep puting your self out there around women something is going to happen....it might be easier to stay in but what i'd be geting out of it?How many 22 year olds stay in watch the late, late...this is the time of my life when i should be living it up but part of me just doesn't want to bother.
Dont think im making much sense.

Quatre Mains

- you say "this is the time of my life when i should be living it up". IMO it seems as tho maybe you are only going out because you feel you should, and not because you are spending all week looking fwd to having a laugh. Look, I'm not saying its time to hang up your clubbing boots, but IMO you perhaps need to stick to situations that don't stress u out for a while, and not have your social life revolving around standing in a club waiting on some girl to come along, listen to all your problems and change your life.
I can only speak from my own experience, as I say I'm no shrink - but I think you should give serious consideration to telling one or two of your mates about your situation. You'll find they don't want to hear any more than you're willing to tell them about the whole thing, but you'll have people supporting you and watching out for you. If you're not into doing something, then they'll be cool with that rather than be badgering you ino things and feeling they've nothing in common with moody old you.
In the longer term you'll find your trust repaid - people will be more open with their problems and you'll be closer friends for it.
Listen mate don't worry about the whole women thing too much for now. If a girl comes along tomorrow thats fine but don;t place such importance on them as the solution to your problems. You seem to be stressed about telling women that you're depressed and having problems etc etc. Look if I met a chick and after a date or two she blurted all that out to me I'd be offski. Once you're back on your feet you'll be far more personable and confident, and the results will follow. You'll be able to talk about those things no bother then in a balanced and objective way, but fretting about these things while you're still in the maelstrom is doing u no good. Think of it like a normal injury - you don't try running the day after you break your leg, you try it when you're recovered (stupid analogy but hopefully u know what I mean!).
Do you take E's at the weekend? If so you need to bang that on the head(they will make ANYONE feel like crap a couple of days later). Also, check out some diet **** on the net about what foods are supposed to be good for your mental well-being (wheat pasta, wholewheat bread, white meat are some) - its not a magic cure but its another weapon at your disposal. I know this next one won't be popular,but if you can, try knocking the beer on the head for 4-6 weeks. It might sound like a long time but would you rather get locked the next 6 weeks and be miserable every week or would you be willing to take 6 weeks off and come back feeling good. You can still go out - if anyone asks why you're off the drink say its for lent. Again, by telling your friends the score you'll get a whole lot less ****, and they'll probably even head off to the cinema a few times or spend a night on the PS2 with you.
Keep up the exercise - if you;re pissed off going to the gym then try kickboxing or something like that to mix it up.

Right there it is - my 6 week recovery plan, I know it works cos I've done it. Hopefully you'll try something like that or at least keep it in mind for a later date.
Keep the gloves up and you'll be ok

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

to be honest ur making a lot of scense. you might not think it but no matter what you say there is always people who understand it and have gone through it aswell..

but hey from the sounds of it i get the feeling that your just sick of your life in general at the moment and you would like to go back and correct any mistakes that caused you to loose her??

is that possible? or is it finished for good?

if yes its over. then i reckon you just need to get away for a while. maybe a few weeks or maybe on a more permanemt basis. Make new friends, so they can get the know the real you and not the way your friends know you now. Let your feelings be more freely expressed. Dont be shy to be your self. Why try to be something your not? If you want love then be your self. Thats the most attractive thing about someone to me and people i know. Honesty and trust can only be built if you be your self.

If no, its not completely over. Why not talk to her and find out if she still has feelings and regrets about breaking up? Unless you cheated on her i dont think there is much that cant be forgiven?

But i reckon just go away for a while. Do your parents ( If available ) know the problems your going through? you might be 22 but they are still your parents. have you tried letting everything out to them? they can help a lot. a lot more than doctors and psycologists.

going away and being in new surroundings around new people and making new friends is what you need. It helps a lot to get away from stress, sh*it and pressure from friends who dont know whats going on really. You wouldnt be running from your problems but solving them by getting a new life for your self. Just make sure you do what you want and not what others want for you. Make your self happy by doing what you want.

Its the only way.

Hows everything going lately?

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

Originally posted by pissd
i look at other people and i think that ive no right to be like this, ya know....people like Mike may have the right to be down at times but i don't...ya know....having a kid is pressure being young, free and single is not.

hey i might have a baby on the way and that be stressful but i feel that way because i do. I wanted to cheer up so i did.

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL.

if your depressed then **** it your depressed. if u feel happy then thats great! Dont think its wrong to feel anyway good or bad. Because theres like 8 billion people in the world, and everyone feels different at times. Your no exception. if u feel down then thats not ur fault, and you have every right to feel how ever the **** u want. You have the right to do anything you want to and that includes feeling how u want.

Dont let anyone or anything make u think thats its wrong to feel down or upset/depressed. its just a stage that everyone goes through at times.

My girlfriend is due in 9 weeks now. So she is getting depressed a lot lately. Im not sure how to deal with it but she helped me so much when i was depressed and im by far going to quit on her now. It just happens to people. Dont think its wrong or wierd to be depressed. Most people i know have been depressed a lot in their lives. Its NATURAL.

LegacyUser

It sounds pretty tough. I was depressed for years, didn't realise it till I almost had a breakdown in October.

Basically, don't feel wierd about seeing a councillor, I was shocked by how many people I know see them.

What medication were you on, and what kind of dosage? I kind of found that you there are 5 things in life that you need to look at.. love, health, diet, work and fun. You can get by without one or two for a while, but it should never go below that. If it does, you'll end up in the dumps.

Ultimately, depression is maintained and prolonged by physical weakness as well as mental weakness, and you can control periods of heavy depression and panic through physical exercises. It doesn't do much for the generally ****ty lethargy, but it gets you through the bad bits.

The lethargy and boredom only gets fixed gradually. I don't think anything in particular fixed it for me, and I do slip back into it sometimes. Nothing has particularly changed in my routine, if anything, I'm busier than I was. But I guess being able to properly slice up and allocate your time does a lot to lift the spirits.

22 is a tough age to be. I never felt low as a teenager, always cheery and in good form. It just seems that for some of us the 20s is tough.

Wolfie

Originally posted by pissd
Anyone ever been where i am now and got 'it all' in the end, happiness, job, the woman etc...i really can't see it at the moment and its not for the want of trying.
I suppose that i feel real guilty for thinking as i do, i just want to snap out of it...i look at other people and i think that ive no right to be like this, ya know....people like Mike may have the right to be down at times but i don't...ya know....having a kid is pressure being young, free and single is not.

Yeah, I was there, came out the other side and did alright. Still have my moments, and reckon I think about things too much. Broke up with a few girls, last of which messed me up, proceeded to waste much time moping about and thinking about her, as you are doing now. Slowly made improvements/set goals, and went for them. Nothing major like playing for Manchester United, just small but important self-improvement and life improvement stuff. Got a better job, got a steady girlfriend who I love (most of the time hehe) and house etc. All I can say is, there is another exit from the tunnel, life is not a bed of roses at all, and I have my bad days when I feel down for no apparent reason, but hey, everyone does. One thing I regret somewhat is not enjoying more the years I spent feeling pissed off, so you should take steps to sort this out now. You're young, so you can do it without wasting much time. Your main problem is that you need to get over the girl you fell for and are still pining for. Its gone, forger it, move on. In fact, dont think about love or girls at all, just concentrate on making your life better, and having fun, and dont worry about things so much, or what other people think. Worrying is pointless 99.9999% of the time, since what you worry about only happens 0.0001% of the time anyway! Read some self-improvement books.

Remember that life is probably meaningless, so you should enjoy it as much as you can while you get your short time on the rock. You'll be dead for millions of years after all.

Trust me, the ex-girl is the root of your troubles. Get rid of those thoughts man. Stop dwelling on failures and concentrate on future goals.

Good Luck.

PS - Are all boards.ie users suffering from depression? Is this some kind of new epidemic, and if so, what possible causes do we have for it? Discuss.

seanybiker

here look sorry but i didnt read all the stuff. but im in the same boat as yourself if anyone ever want to talk im on msn = seanmcdonagh_2@hotmail.com or yahoo = tylerdurden2010ie@yahoo.co.uk sometim,es it helps to talk to a stranger or better someone who knows whats going on. keep your chin up mate.

Lennoxschips

I thought I'd add my experience here.

I have a sister who suffers from schizophrenia. This might have been caused by drug use, so I decided when I was younger never to do drugs. However, I was at a friend's house a month ago (and he is a drug user) and he gave me a glass of rum. I took one tiny sip (half a teaspoon) and decided it was disgusting. He then started joking that there were drugs in it. For the next couple of weeks I was panicky and anxious, unable to get to sleep properly at night and then waking up too early in a bed of sweat. My friend was only "joking", but just the thought of having taken anything is enough to drive me mad with worry from thinking that I'd turn out like my sister. Thankfully I can sleep better now, but I still feel like **** most of the time and worry about everything there is to worry about. Thinking that I'll never meet a nice girl, and if I did I couldn't handle it anyway. Or that I'd be a terrible father. I then saw somthing about Ian Huntley on tv and I started worrying I'd turn out like him. Totally irrational and stupid fears. I'm now afraid to be away from home and my parents. Before this happened to me, I could fly on a plane by myself... now I'm too scared to go in town on the bus. I have headaches all the time. My mother told me I'm acting silly when I told her all of this, and my father says I'm just tired. (I work from 7 in the morning till 4:30pm as an assistant engineer at a construction site, and the chief engineer treats me like a dirty kleenex.) The doctor says I'm "on edge" and that in time I'll get better again.

I was always a happy person with a positive outlook and I never thought this could happen to me. It just goes to show you what life can throw at you. I have a hard time convincing myself I'll feel better again, but reading through this forum and seeing that I'm not the only one is a help...

Silent Grape

lennoxschips, i really feel for you. it sounds to me like maybe having someone to listen to ur worries/anxieties (no matter how silly they seem) wud be a good idea. even yammering away to the samaritans might help.

g'luck