How do I stop this harassment?

LegacyUser

I recently split up with my long-term boyfriend, John and about a week later discovered I was pregnant. (Now four months gone)

After lengthy discussions we have agreed that it is best we do not get back together as a couple although he will provide financial support for the baby

I have informed my employers that I am expecting and since then I have been the subject of some extremely crude and offensive comments from a male work colleague.

I casually mentioned that my child was due on or around September 1st and since then this guy has said things like "I'd say you had some night of shagging around the beginning of December" and "I see John flooded you with his seed on December 1" - or "What position were you in when John came into you?"

etc

These comments are not made in front of any other employees so I cannot get someone to back me up

I have however overhead the colleague mention to another guy in the office (Who also happens to be single) that I was "obviously easy" and "good for a shag" etc

Where I work is pre-dominately male - just 2 other girls who I have not confided in

This is all very upsetting and I am dreading going into work and seeing this idiot making crude gestures/comments to me.

Any advice?

Hobbes

In harrassment cases it is the company that gets sued. Not the employee, so companies will bend over backwards for the most part to ensure this doesn't happen.

Also if you report it they can't fire you for it. You should keep a log of everything that has been said with times even if there was no one there. Witnesses would probably be best. But you should make it clear that he should not talk to you that way.

http://www.eurofound.eu.int/emire/IRELAND/SEXUALHARASSMENT-IR.html

* Or you could do what they did in "The office" and ask him to email you that question.

Cake Fiend

If it's happening regularly, you might consider carring a small recording device (minidisc recorder, one of those recording pens, or similar) to get some more concrete evidence.

Hobbes

Is recording permissible? Also some companies do not allow them. For example having one on my work premises is grounds for dismissial.

koneko

We've been told the best way to do it, is first talk to him directly, tell him it makes you uncomfortable and ask him to stop. If he continues or is a dick about it talk to your boss (talk to your boss anyway and report it so they know about it) and then HR/personel department. They'll start an investigation and whatnot.

You shouldn't have to put up with it. People have been fired/sued over things like this before.

If you have a HR/personal department (or just a person/people) ask them for advice on how to continue and what do do now. Don't put up with it, do something now or he won't ever stop!

Victor

Originally posted by Jill
I have informed my employers that I am expecting and since then I have been the subject of some extremely crude and offensive comments from a male work colleague.

Did you inform this guy you were pregnant or did someone else tell him? You being pregnant is largely between you and your employer.

Regarding comments like "I'd say you had some night of shagging around the beginning of December" and "I see John flooded you with his seed on December 1" simply put him down by saying a least you could get some and the only reason he is slagging you is to make up for his own failings and tell him to f off.

woolymammoth

Dickheads like that cannot and should not be tolerated..

ask him(them) to stop.

if they don't, go straight above them. your employer is obliged to put an end to that kind of nonsense.

If he/she doesn't, seek legal advice. Make sure every complaint is in writing too.. keep a copy of everything.

http://www.oasis.gov.ie/employment/employment_life_event.html

uberwolf

Report it, that is bang out of order the juvenile prick. I have a string of expletives to throw at the **** don't put up with it, there really is no reason that you can't go straight to ur super. right now about it. There's no need to discuss it with the perpatrator, take him out of the loop.

koneko

Originally posted by uberwolf
There's no need to discuss it with the perpatrator, take him out of the loop.

We've always been told that should be the first step. If you report him to a super, they might ask you if you told him to stop it.
Humour is subjective. He might think it's funny, and he might not even know he's being offensive (though tbh I doubt that very much). In theory he might not even think what he's doing is wrong. But like I said I'd mention it to your boss anyway so he knows about it.

Wolf

Tell him IN PUBLIC "Your childish comment about my sexual private life were very hurtfull and I would ask that you do not continue to speak of me in that way!"

Thing about saying it infront of other people is that it makes it very hard for him to say that he didnt say it as he will look like a lair in others eyes, as most people will persume that hes lying which he might or might not do. The shame of it will probably put him off and it will fell pretty good all the same.

If this doesn't work go see a lawyer. People shouldnt be allowed to get away with this kind of thing. You should draw the line some where otherwise someone else will suffer that same fate as you and you will continue to feel unhappy about it because you didn't have any colsure.

I say fight them all the way on it you are in the right. Dont forget that so go get the bastards

sceptre

Originally posted by koneko
We've always been told that should be the first step. If you report him to a super, they might ask you if you told him to stop it.

Aye, important this, basic and dumb as it seems.

uberpixie

Don't rely on memory alone, keep a diary of events, note what he said when he said.

Handy record to have when you compalin about him to your boss or even if you go to court.

As far as i know unless a person knows that they are being recorded by a tape recorder etc.. it is admissable as evidence in court (but maybe not to your boss...).

Might be worth checking out the legalities before you do this!

Hope that helps some. Best of luck.

leeroybrown

Make a note of the harassing behaviour for future reference. Harassment is defined from the point of view of the harassed party so if you feel that he is harassing you then your employer will have to consider it as such.

I wouldn't go recording that person. Your employer might object to it and you are obliged to tell another party that you are recording them anyway. Also, report it sooner rather than later as situations like these shouldn't be allowed to escalate.

Talk to your manager/supervisor at work and mention that you have been having problems with this particular individual and that you feel harassed. He/she is obliged to investigate the situation and see to it that the correct action is taken.

If nothing is done then you'll have to consider complaining to your companies HR Dept or to a more senior manager.

BrianD3

Guy sounds like an immature gobsh1te alright.

However, definitely have a quiet word with him in private before reporting him etc.
Clearly spell it out to him that you find these sort of comments offensive and that they have to stop. Try to be confident and assertive and do it politely but firmly. Don't get irate or aggressive with him. If he's any sort of a decent person, he will take on board what you say. It's entirely possible that he will be shocked that you took offense at all. He probably thought he was being funny. Some people are just like that.

He also may be one of these people who's a real jack-the-lad when he's around his mates or other guys in work, but when confronted on his own he may turn into a wimpering coward.

I think getting lawyers involved or recording conversations on tape is a bit OTT at this stage. But as already suggested, do keep a diary of what he's saying and when he's saying it, in case you need to take this matter further.

I reckon he will stop when you tell him, however if he doesn't then take it further and do everything you can to destroy him. This sort of harassment in the workplace just isn't acceptable.

BrianD3

Sleepy

stilleto meet testicles, testicles meet stilleto.

Victor

http://www.breakingnews.ie/2004/03/04/story136921.html

Tánaiste: Women should act if bullied on pregnancy
04/03/2004 - 4:17:12 pm

The Tánaiste has urged pregnant women who feel they have been discriminated against by their employers, to take action.

It follows a survey carried out by the citizen’s information service that shows an increase in discrimination and bullying of pregnant women at work.

The survey shows that in many cases, pregnant women had been denied their rights.

Mary Harney has said any discrimination is illegal. “Nobody can be discriminated on the basis of gender and certainly no pregnant women can be discriminated against.

"I don’t know what the source of this survey is but we have very strong laws here in the equality area.”

Agent Smith

one word....

sue

Wolfie

Originally posted by koneko
We've been told the best way to do it, is first talk to him directly, tell him it makes you uncomfortable and ask him to stop. If he continues or is a dick about it talk to your boss (talk to your boss anyway and report it so they know about it) and then HR/personel department. They'll start an investigation and whatnot.

You shouldn't have to put up with it. People have been fired/sued over things like this before.

If you have a HR/personal department (or just a person/people) ask them for advice on how to continue and what do do now. Don't put up with it, do something now or he won't ever stop!

Yeah, what koneko said. Talk to the dweeb first, he might think what he is saying is acceptable. If that doesnt work do the other things mentioned.

sceptre

Originally posted by leeroybrown
you are obliged to tell another party that you are recording them anyway.

(how often will this come up with people stating it as fact)

No you aren't.

maxheadroom

Originally posted by sceptre
(how often will this come up with people stating it as fact)

No you aren't.

[FOR COMPLETENESS' SAKE] Unless its on the telephone. [/FOR COMPLETENESS' SAKE]

leeroybrown

I stand corrected. My point about an employer looking poorly upon it stands.