Men are from Mars.....

Lickle Lover

Help.

Men say women are hard to figure out.

There was something going on between a lecturer (kind of) of mine and me. I say kind of lecturer because I'm doing a practical course and well, it just happens that this person in question is in the industry and he comes in once a week for some 'hands on' work.

Trouble is the 'hands on' aspect may have been taken literaly by us both. It happened when we were drunk but I made it quite clear that I had feelings for him and the next day he made it quite clear too. So for a few weeks the texts are flying, the phone is ringing....we went for a drink and he tells me it has to stop, that he would loose his job etc..I understood but does this give him the right to ignore me? not return my texts???

I was drunk during the week and asked him if he wanted to meet up? He hadn't replied by the following morning so I quickly retracted what I said by saying ...

'Oops, may have txted you last nite, was v drunk, sorry if I did....'

I only did that cos' I didn't want to look like the desperate fool but its looking more like that every day...

Can anyone throw some light on this? - fellas who know how you think or girls who maybe had the same situation.....

Rock Climber

You are mulling over the text you sent because you sent it and think you shouldnt have.

Stop the mulling, and move on. You will see the guy again at your class yes? well say your final words to him then.

By the way, and this will probably add fuel to your fire, but I see nothing wrong with having a relationship with this person provided they don't have to mark your exams/practical-you should perhaps discuss this with him, but be prepared for to be let down, for if he wanted anything more than just a one off or two, he would have made that clear to you already.

Are there no boys in your class that you fancy?
Go get them, imho and move on

Lickle Lover

Hmmm, Good point re moving on, if only it was so easy!

Anyone else willing to throw some light on this???

Grimlock

Sorry if this sounds a little harsh but;
What part of this is hard to figure out?
I think the bloke concerned has been VERY transparent in his actions,
Sounds like you just won't admit to yourself tht nothing is going to come of this.
Ok, you flirted and had a bit of fun but when things looked like progressing further
he made a decission and was honest with you.
From what you say; he did not string you along, he didn't use you, he wasn't nasty to you.
He has cut all contact because he does not want to take things any further.
Rock climber is right move on there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Good luck

Lickle Lover

but he did say something...

My course is finished in June and he told me that then, he would like to persue what we had (although it wasn't much)....but not until then.....

That make any difference you think?

It leaves me hanging on though....

Mazikeen

It depends on his status in your college. Lecuturer-student relationships are generally frowned upon, but they're not a dismssable offence most of the time. All the same, the college would not take to him kindly dating a student and at the very least this might put him higher on the list of "contracts we don't need to renew next year".

He likes you and you like him. You're both grown ups (I hope). So, considering that his only fear is getting into trouble with the college, you might suggest a drink where you can tell him that you understand that if you were to date him it would have to be discrete while in the college.

Lickle Lover

Yes, we are both grown ups!!

Hes quite adamant on waiting till I finish...but at the same time, come June I don't to be doing all the running. I asked him if he'd like to meet up for a drink on the quiet, without anyone knowing and he didn't bother txting back - I know I sent it around 2am after a few drinks....He hadn't txted back by the morning so as I explained in my first post, I took what I said back....

azezil

He doesn't want to get involved now so you're wasting your time txting him, its best to move on, if something happens in june, super, but you shouldn't waste your time waiting around for him right now.

deimos

Ask him if you leave the course will he go out with you again? Call his bluff and see what he says, then you can know whether he is serious or not.......


Whatever you do, just don't leave the course.........

MrPinK

Originally posted by deimos
Ask him if you leave the course will he go out with you again? Call his bluff and see what he says, then you can know whether he is serious or not.......

Whatever you do, just don't leave the course.........

Not really sure what that will accomlish at all. As I see it, that would work out in one of two ways:

A) He says ok, which tells you he's extremely selfish for letting you drop out for just for him. And then he thinks you are manipulative and underhanded when you say you're not really going to drop out, it was just a test.

He says it's a ridiculous idea, as he should do if he has any sense, and will probably think you're obsessive and clingy for talking about quiting just because the two of you been out a couple of times.


I think he's made it perfectly clear that nothing can happen right now, and given the position he's in I'd agree with him. Because of your feelings for him, remaining friends will be almost impossible. It's best you take his number out of your phonebook, and don't see him outside of the classroom. Being near someone you care for but can't have will just eat you up inside. I don't think putting your life on hold till June is a good idea either. A lot can happen between now and then, and he (or even you) may not feel the same way when the time comes. Go out, meet new people, enjoy yourself. If come June, you're still free and single, you can ask him out again. But until then, you really have to just move on.

deimos

This is exactly why I can not have relationships or alike, don't know the first thing about them, so just ignore my advice.............

sceptre

Originally posted by Lickle Lover
I understood but does this give him the right to ignore me? not return my texts???

It mightn't be very nice but if he wants to ignore you then, yes it does.

Cake Fiend

Originally posted by Lickle Lover
does this give him the right to ignore me? not return my texts???

Yes.

His career is potentially at stake.

You'll just have to be patient. Look at it this way - at least you're in with a chance come June. It could be far worse.