Ex keeping contact!!

LegacyUser

Hi

Me and my gr broke up at the end of august before she started college. I am already a year ahead of her in a different college. I tried to be civil after we broke up and accepted it when she told me she was seeing other people so soon. That was back in october i didn't talk to her again to christmas when i texted her to see how she was as we would've been 4 years together.

She made it perfectly clear at the time that she didn't have the time nor want to remain in contact with me. I forgot all about her.

Valentines night i get a text from her saying she like to keep in touch and here's her email address outta the blue. I thought this to be abit strange consider it was valentines night. Anyway, i gave her one of my email addresses.

A week later on my birthday i receive an email, detailing her exam results and no happy birthday or any other a knowledgement of the day.

I received another email today just going on about her family.

I'm wondering what is trying to achieve by this when she so rudely made it clear that she didn't wanna know me. My friends think its a bit weird, her texting me valentines night and then emailing me on my birthday.

Anyone have any thoughts on the matter?

Imposter

Maybe she was in a relationship at christmas and was uncomfortable with having a freindship with you at the same time. Maybe she thought you weren't over the relationship.
It may also be possible now that she is lonely and just needs someone to talk to.

I'd say try talking to her about this and see what her thoughts are. Trying to analyse the female mind on your own is not advisable!

koneko

She might be interested in you again, she might not. She's probably just a bit lonely and maybe misses you as a friend. Maybe you were good to talk to before?

Maybe she didn't want to be in a relationship with you but did want to be friends and just gave it some time for the wounds to heal. Who knows, only she does really.

Grimlock

It's possible that she was still hurting when she said that she didn't want to see ya again, 4 years is a long time, even if the split is amicable!
It still takes time to adjust, pushing you totally out of the picture was prolly the easiest way for her to cope.
I doubt she's trying to resurrect the relationship,
I'd say she finally feels secure enough to be friends.
But you know her better than anyone, so you be the judge of that.
You'd probably want to call her or chat face to face to clear the air cos e-mails and texts just aren't suitable.

Good luck with things.
BTW out of interest what do you want? Friendship, relationship, fu*ck-buddy?

Typedef

Originally posted by confused
Hi

Me and my gr broke up at the end of august before she started college. I am already a year ahead of her in a different college. I tried to be civil after we broke up and accepted it when she told me she was seeing other people so soon. That was back in october i didn't talk to her again to christmas when i texted her to see how she was as we would've been 4 years together.

She made it perfectly clear at the time that she didn't have the time nor want to remain in contact with me. I forgot all about her.

Valentines night i get a text from her saying she like to keep in touch and here's her email address outta the blue. I thought this to be abit strange consider it was valentines night.

So your choices are.

Forgive her for telling you to piss off or don't.

I personally don't think you should be at her beck and call like that, but, I suppose that's up to you.

Typedef

Originally posted by koneko
She might be interested in you again, she might not. She's probably just a bit lonely and maybe misses you as a friend. Maybe you were good to talk to before?

Probably, this girlie was expecting him to fawn over her when she told him to piss off and when he didn't, his abscence and consequent aloofness made him one of those desireable objects she couldn't have, so now she wants to know him again.

As soon as he would become available to her again, he'd loose all of his charm and she wouldn't want to know him.

Steer clear, attention seeker.

jank

you should play along get and try and get some extra sex of her

then when it doesnt suit you anymore you can jump ship!

win-win

LegacyUser

I personally don't think you should be at her beck and call like that, but, I suppose that's up to you.

I agree with you there. That was the first thing i thought of when she started emailing me.

Probably, this girlie was expecting him to fawn over her when she told him to piss off and when he didn't, his abscence and consequent aloofness made him one of those desireable objects she couldn't have, so now she wants to know him again.

Another thing i thought of aswell. i get the feeling she might be trying to groom me into a backup guy. Someone she can fall back on when her relationships fail.

BTW out of interest what do you want? Friendship, relationship, fu*ck-buddy?

TBH, i dunno. I think getting back into a relationship would be a bad idea. When I was with her I became this boring old man who took himself way too seriously and looked down upon others. I've grown to like being single and have seen a improvement in my looks and attitude to people since breaking up with her. Everyone says i seen alot happy and fun loving now.

Friendship could be okay, i suppose depending on her. Like i said i've changed so i assume she has changed slighty too. Maybe i wouldn't like her a person any more now.

****-buddy, when i'd like be any women's **** buddy. I suppose i wouldn't really mind that as long as i could seperate sex from re-living the relationship.

A friend sent me this advice in a message:

1) Start flirting with your ex again in order to establish a sexual relationship once more.

2) Start flirting with every other woman you see in order to establish a sexual relationship with them all !

3) Don't restrict yourself to one woman. There's plenty of time for that when you get old like me ! Sleep around man ! You're only young once !

Anyway, i have emailed her back asking what she wants to achieve from staying in contact with me. Hopefully i'll get a straight answer. I'll keep ya informed.

pickarooney

Not even Happy Birthday? Fûck that, I wouldn't reply.

Imposter

Originally posted by confused
Hopefully i'll get a straight answer.

:rolleyes: Good luck with that!

ToxicPaddy

Ive been in that situation with my ex.. We broke up about 5 years ago, it got very
nasty and I wanted nothing more to do with her...

Over the period of about 6 months afterwards we kept ending up together if we met
up while out and had a few drinks consumed and the same thing happened, the
next morning there would be awkard silences and it would all end in a fight with one
or us walking out... So after all of that we both had enough and decided to call it
quits for good, as in all contact between us.. a little time later she moved to another
town but still has friends on the area which made it a bit better as there was less of
a chance of bumping into her..

Now a few months ago I got a text from her asking me how I was and all sorts of
small talk... which kinda caught me by surprise and to be honest i didnt know how
to react, but I replied and kept to the small talk being careful not to go into my
personal life or ask about hers cause to be honest i didnt really want to know.

She keeps dropping me mails and texts every now and again and I just reply out
of courtesy as we were together for a few years.. and now its getting to the stage
where I dont see the point in it.. nothing is going to come of it as Im not the
slightest bit interested and even if I was, I wouldnt go near her again..

She has a new b/f, I dont like many of her friends and they made it very clear they
didnt like me and they wouldnt be impressed with her contacting me so its all being
kept kinda hush hush on her side.. again which I cant understand..

So I asked her straight out why was she still in contact?

She just said because she wanted to.. so Im just going with the flow.. but to be
honest if it all stopped tomorrow I wouldnt be the slightest bit bothered..

She could be just using you to pass the time or just to keep you stringing along on
the pretence that she may want to get back with you for a while if there is no one
else around..

I wouldnt put too much effort into it or anything and I certainly wouldnt go out of
my way to encourage her in any way...

Best thing to do is just ask her straight out... why?

Tox

MF2HD

It does sound like shes just out of another relationship and sounds a bit lonely. I think in her mind you ARE the back up guy....even with the small communications between you, you are safe for her, as she could well feel she has the power over the situation, in that she told you to get lost in the first instance.

I highly doubt she wants to have another go with you......you're SAFE GUY!

Typedef

Originally posted by MF2HD
It does sound like shes just out of another relationship and sounds a bit lonely. I think in her mind you ARE the back up guy....even with the small communications between you, you are safe for her, as she could well feel she has the power over the situation, in that she told you to get lost in the first instance.

I highly doubt she wants to have another go with you......you're SAFE GUY!

True, she probably just wants to get you interested, so she will feel desireable ... perhaps in the other relationship, she got dumped and is now looking for some validation (on a subliminal level) that she could have boyfriend (x) back anytime she wanted... so the fella who dump her 'must' be mad/gay/crazy... whatever.

Don't be a crutch for this one.

LegacyUser

I got a reply from her.

First line was that i'm a weirdo. That she forgot my birthday and that she didn't even realise it was valentine's day when she texted me (must have her head in the sand).

Then she goes on saying that she only thought emailing would be the easiest and that she only contacted me cause i sounded really lonely at christmas.

Finally she says "to be honest though you are kind of scaring me a bit with your mad analysing things so maybe its not a good idea."

I dunno what to make of it. All i know is i should've put norton anti-spam on her address the minute the first email came in.

uberwolf

me thinketh she protesteth too much(eth)

/wanders off to brush up on shakespearian english

Kali

Originally posted by confused
I got a reply from her.

First line was that i'm a weirdo. That she forgot my birthday and that she didn't even realise it was valentine's day when she texted me (must have her head in the sand).

Then she goes on saying that she only thought emailing would be the easiest and that she only contacted me cause i sounded really lonely at christmas.

Finally she says "to be honest though you are kind of scaring me a bit with your mad analysing things so maybe its not a good idea."

I dunno what to make of it. All i know is i should've put norton anti-spam on her address the minute the first email came in.

brilliant... sounds to me like pride won't let her admit a single thing when its blaringly obvious... read "she was lonely" into the above.. so reply going "ehh ok" and leave it at that unless you really want to be friends with her again .. in which case just apologise for trying to read between every line

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replys and advice. I posted my story hear to make sure i actually wasn't analysing things too deeply.

I really don't know what is going on with her. All i know is that i don't want to get back with her and never did. Even though i have grown and changed as a person, she is still the same.

Even from her reply i get the feeling she is still trying to keep control, and that she is trying to make me think "She said i'm a weirdo for that message. i should reply with sorry and be grateful for her emails cause i'm really lonely". Problem is that **** doesn't work on me anymore.

So i'm not gonna apologise for stating what ever else is reading aswell.

Thanks again for the help!!

Typedef

Nah rub her face in it.

Tell her your georgous girlfriend got upset when you got a text from an ex on Valentines day.

That should soften her cough.

][cEMAN**

Firstly nobody forgets it's valentines day. Maybe until you get up out of your bed and go outside you MIGHT let it slip your mind....but that's as long as that would last. If she's in a relationship herself then it's doubtful that she could forget it at all.

As for forgetting your b-day, if you were friends before and she had remembered your b-day every year before, then again it's doubtful that she's forgotten that.

Now this would mean 1 of 2 things....

1) She has a terrible memory and is a bit unaware of her surroundings. I would advise that you reply to her email stating this and advise her to get some medical advice or go seek help. This may be a problem due to various emotional problems.

2) She's lying, she's playing games and acting entirely childishly. In this case the reply should be to stop playing games as you're no longer interested in messing about. Maybe the slap up the teeth of this very straight response will help snap her into some sense, or guide her towards a path of awareness of her behaviour.

I'd probably actually state both in the mail because if she is the first then it's probably emotional or mental problems :P and it won't matter that you mention the 2nc, but if it's the 2nd then she IS playing games and you're simply calling her on it due to the responce in option 1.

Either way she sounds like you're well shot of her, unless you still have some lingering feelings. In either case you may still be best just giving it to her straight and waiting for the reply. If she stops communication, well no real loss anyway. If she straightens herself out, then at least she may NOW be in a position to be mature enough for a serious relationship. This may help matters between the both of you.

echomadman

"Fuck off you loonie" would be my response, but I tend to burn all my bridges on break ups precisely to avoid this kind of crap

Victor

You are 100% sure it is her? Not one of her mates / family?

Sleepy

Her name's not Jillian is it? Sounds like an ex of mine!

LegacyUser

I got another reply from her. It pretty much said:

look you're really getting everything wrong and making things out like they
are not. maybe it was valentines day i don't know and i really don't care. i
didn't plan that or anything to make it look like it meant something because
it didn't.

you seem to be going on like since we broke up i was really needy or
something

look if you're just going to act like an asshole i really would rather not
keep in contact. i only e-mailed you to try and be friendly...i really
didn't want anything at all. you don't have anything i either need or want
anyways.


I really couldn't care what she is trying to do or thinks of me as i'm just so pissed of from it.

dub45

Originally posted by confused
I got a reply from her.....

Then she goes on saying that she only thought emailing would be the easiest and that she only contacted me cause i sounded really lonely at christmas.

Wow she really is a very caring person who responds very quickly when a friend is a bit lonely!!!!

Stay away and stay happy

Senor_Fudge

**** the bitch i say
both ways if you can ^_^

po0k

Don't reply to her mail or texts
Leave her hanging

If she wanted to be friends she'd have said so at the breakup/after the 1-month post-breakup quarantine.

She's acting like a bit[/u]ch, and exuding the common bad traits of women.

"Over analysing" is not something men do.

][cEMAN**

I agree with syx. Just stop replying now. She's either going to get worked up and start plying you with emails until she wises up and straightens herself out or forgets about the whole thing. That or she'll just not reply to you again anyway, which means move on because she's really not interested in you. Oh and she's a headcase in that case!

Draupnir

And here is an advert for burning all bridges when you break up with women. Ya gotta call them bitches, tell them you were shagging their best mate and that you never liked their family cos their house stank. Also, call them frigid, works a treat.

Then they cant mind-**** you with this crap. 95% of the time, women like this want you to be all over them so when you cop on to their devious plan they get defensive jsut like your ex.

Caesar_Bojangle

Tell her your georgous girlfriend got upset when you got a text from an ex on Valentines day.

Better still, your boyfriend.

My ex used to always text and call me trying to make me jealous, and if I happened to bump into her on a night out she'd score any willing lad within ten feet of me. Petty mind games.

Doodee

lol.

"Over analysing" is not something men do.

Unless they are given something to over analyse

Gordon

Originally posted by confused
I got another reply from her. It pretty much said:

look you're really getting everything wrong and making things out like they
are not. maybe it was valentines day i don't know and i really don't care. i
didn't plan that or anything to make it look like it meant something because
it didn't.

you seem to be going on like since we broke up i was really needy or
something

look if you're just going to act like an asshole i really would rather not
keep in contact. i only e-mailed you to try and be friendly...i really
didn't want anything at all. you don't have anything i either need or want
anyways.


I really couldn't care what she is trying to do or thinks of me as i'm just so pissed of from it.

Sounds like she was dumped by some guy and wants back with you.

Email her back and say
"Ok, then don't keep in contact with me. Bye."
And don't reply to her emails again.

Anything else will just mess with your head.