The Secret of Antigravity!!!!!

Dont Ban Me

Everyone knows that if you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. And if a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet. But both these ineluctable facts pose a deeper question. What happens if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up, to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall. Ergo, you have discovered the secret of antigravity.

A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them.

This poses the question [obviously], how do you steer the buttered cat/spaceship? There is one way: we all know that wearing a white shirt while eating spaghetti bolognaise is a guarantee of a trip home to your Ma for the weekend to get your washing done. So you plaster the outside of your ship with white shirts. Place four nozzles symmetrically around the ship. Then you fire Ragu bolognaise sauce in the direction you want to go. The ship, drawn by the shirts, will automatically follow the sauce. If you use T-shirts, you won't go as fast as you would by using, say, expensive dress shirts.

This does not work as well in deep gravity wells, since the tomato sauce [now falling down a black hole, perhaps] will drag the ship with it, despite the counter force of the anti-gravity cat/butter machine. If this happens you're a dead man/woman. But you'll have to admit, it's not a bad way to go.

hedgetrimmer

Saw it ages ago. Not sure how scientifically wound it all is, mind you, but sure I'd give it a shot...

Stark

Would explain why those UFOs seem to crash all the time.

Rabies

interesting theory

what happens if a person digs a hole right through the centre of the earth (ignore the whole thing about a molten core of a min). Normal gravational rules state "what goes up, must come down". So if a person drops a ball through the hole and going by 'normal' gravity rules it should fall down and gathering speed as it decends. But as it passes the centre of the earth it is moving agains the opposite force of gravity so it should lose its momentum and slow down. Therefore cause it fall back towards the centre of the earth and back up throught the hole again. Over time it should slow down to a complete stop and settle in the centre of the earth, ergo it will be weightless and just float in the centre of the earth.

But of course all of that is complete bull because we need the centre of the earth with its molten core of metal to do the science thingy it does and spin the earth.

Victor

Originally posted by Rabies
what happens if a person digs a hole right through the centre of the earth (ignore the whole thing about a molten core of a min).

You forgot the bit where you dig all the way to the far side of the earth.

Of course the centre of the earth, being molten and the mass of the earth pressing it towards the centre of gravity, would fill your hole as quick as you could dig it.

Rabies

Originally posted by Victor
You forgot the bit where you dig all the way to the far side of the earth.

taught that was implied. well it is what i was supposed to say.

Winters

thats old .... very old.

I remember beng told that years ago. Something origional next time.

Matfinn

Originally posted by Winters
thats old .... very old.

I remember beng told that years ago. Something origional next time.

I havent seen it before, and Im sure another hundred people who come here havent seen it either. I really dont understand why people get so hung up about older things being posted again. If you have seen it, then dont read it.

Matt

sceptre

Originally posted by Rabies
But as it passes the centre of the earth it is moving agains the opposite force of gravity so it should lose its momentum and slow down. Therefore cause it fall back towards the centre of the earth and back up throught the hole again. Over time...

There's no "over time..." Your ball isn't going to go any further than the centre - that's where the gravitational force is acting from

TheSonOfBattles

Never seen it before either. Wasn't that funny, but still no need to lynch the dude over it tbh.

Rabies

Originally posted by sceptre
There's no "over time..." Your ball isn't going to go any further than the centre - that's where the gravitational force is acting from

oh well, there goes my hope of getting degree in physics

Ajnag

Nope the ball will have a momentum when it reachs the center and will continue to travel in the direction of that momentum.Rabies your still on for that degree in physics.

Rabies

Originally posted by Ajnag
Nope the ball will have a momentum when it reachs the center and will continue to travel in the direction of that momentum.Rabies your still on for that degree in physics.

Yipee!!!!
I am so smart... S.M.R.T .... I am so smart

Dave

The ball should oscillate for quite a while until eventually being in equiblibrium at the centre no? Obviously tis is a theotrical situation.

Catsmokinpot

maybe the cat and the bread will fall on its side think about it!

that way so that a little bit of butter will touch the ground and the cat will have two paws on the floor

TheSonOfBattles

Maybe whatevers holding them together would break, and they'd both float majestically to the ground landing appropriate side up?

Karoma

it's so old and so many people have seen it. yet,has anybody seen a buttered cat?! perhaps it's impossible...

Capt'n Midnight

When your cat gets agitated - butter up the paws. Has a calming effect. Note you need really espensive carpet to get the full toast effect.

Bard

Originally posted by Karoma
has anybody seen a buttered cat?! [/B]

As long as you have absolutely no follow-up questions, yes. Yes I have.

Winters

Originally posted by Karoma
has anybody seen a buttered cat?!

Thats a silly question to ask when you have the interweb at your fingers. A good Google search can be your friend for that part, just remember not to click on the "buttered pussy" links, they may not mean cats and they may not be work safe.

Kiith

what happens if you drop the cat with the buttered toast in the hole. if neither can land, than the forces of nature are in oppisition. the universe would implode.

i think we at boards.ie should make a collective effort to try.

Woden

Originally posted by Dave
The ball should oscillate for quite a while until eventually being in equiblibrium at the centre no? Obviously tis is a theotrical situation.

while we're on about theoretial situations we'll theoretically say there is no friction the result of which the ball will travel an equal distance through the centre that it was released from and oscillate forever and ever and ever and ah well we all ge the picture.

Karoma

google returns a loada people with the theory... but no sign of clinically tested and proven theory... (at least,not on the first page)

and image search just returns stuff like this
http://www.widdy.demon.co.uk/rainbow/images/SPOOFCOMIC9.gif


http://www.widdy.demon.co.uk/rainbow/comic9.htm is wortha look :-)

penguinbloke

amazingly after following your advice i found this

http://www.flippyscatpage.com/butteredcat.html

coincidence, I think not

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Karoma
has anybody seen a buttered cat?! perhaps it's impossible...

EXTREME felching !!

Karoma

Originally posted by Kiith
what happens if you drop the cat with the buttered toast in the hole. if neither can land, than the forces of nature are in oppisition. the universe would implode.

i think we at boards.ie should make a collective effort to try.

agreed.

Do your bit for science. Butter a cat.

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.physics.leeds.ac.uk/pages/PerpetualMotion
therefore, the monorail system should be powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3248822.stm

the perfect formula for buttered toast
The amount of butter should be about one-seventeenth the thickness of the bread

http://www.geocities.com/Omegaman_UK/bread.html
Why toast likes to land butter-side down

If wT + 0 is less than 270 degrees,the toast lands butter-side down.
w = omega of couse.