my new poem

Silent Grape

heres a poem i wrote a few months ago. im not exactly an literature student or anything like that , so be nice



Sitting Alone
In an Empty room

Hearing the Voices-
and the Noise

of goings on
nearby

Close your Eyes.
Shut it out
Be Alone-

and experience
the Death

of your
Soul

McGinty

Wow, I have to say personally I really like it, I could identify with it, it's to the point and hits to the heart, I hate these rambling poems, I like your poem, thank you.

Silent Grape

thank u!

Speedway

I like it a lot.Well written.It's the kind of poem were the reader's interpretation is completely unique.as in one person might read it and think of an event in their lives and another reader might think of something completely different.

I like it a lot,very thought provoking
cool poem :-)

Silent Grape

thanks very much thats a very nice thing to say about it. i was a bit worried cus it does i really love Emily Dickinsons poetry, i didnt want it to sound too ripped off.

bluedog

Hey I'm a big fan of Dickinson too but have to stay this stands on its own. Loved the way it is short and kinda cuts like a knife, you hardly know it's there and it goes just as quickly. "Empty room" imagery is really strong too. I like it.

spooiirt!!

very profound

Silent Grape

dont think id go as far as calling it profound, but thanks!

spooiirt!!

nah, dont worry about it, i was being sarcastic. how long that take you to write. looks like it took about two minutes. it strikes me as being void of any artistic merit. sorta "deep for the sake of deep". but thats me and i could be wrong.

Silent Grape

and how old are u?

ur very wrong.

Riamfada

ok fair enough. thats just the impression i got.

Lafortezza

Whats it about? It seems a bit sad...

Silent Grape

are grimes and spooirt one and the same? im a tad confused.

i wasnt trying at all to make it sound 'deep' or any of that . i wrote it a couple of months after i came out of john of gods, having been suicidal etc etc. the poem is about trying to deal with me instead of dealing with everyone else, i wanted to cut all the superficial crap that was going on at the time out of my head..or something along those lines anyway. it is a bit sad because i was so so depressed, and everyone was fluttering about basically avoiding having to deal with anything real.

either way it doesnt really matter why i wrote it, its how the people who read it feel that matters

Lafortezza

Should be about how you feel having written it.

Silent Grape

i feel great having written it, it took forever, and its the only poem i dont have a problem letting people read.

Laguna

good poem. yeah, i have to say i picked up on some sadness/grief in there.. it's probably a sub-conscious thing.. hope it's not though!

goo

I don't mean to be insulting at all, not that you should take criticism as an insult, you just seem to have done it already.

It's great that you're writing poetry, please, please continue.

Unfortunately, I don't have a very favourable opinion of this particular poem. I feel that it doesn't really say much, and what it does say is dealt with in a very heavy-handed style. The only strictly poetic part is the "death of your soul" in the last stanza and that's both a cliched image and, personally, the complete opposite experience I get from being alone. Maybe that's why I'm being so critical. Seriously though, it's great that it isn't a limerick and considering that this is the internet, you're to be commended for your grammar.

I hope you bear in mind that you're being compared to every poet I've ever read, so don't be disheartened in any way, and besides, it's only one boy's opinion.

Silent Grape

cheers, that wasnt insulting at all. i know about the death bit, it is a wee bit contrived. but it is a really personal poem so im not surprised most people cant relate. its hardly universal.

ravenhead

Great poem - but I can't say that I would agree that it related to death - It seems to me that it's more about lossing yourself than death -

Silent Grape

its not related to death

ravenhead

Originally posted by Silent Grape
cheers, that wasnt insulting at all. i know about the death bit, it is a wee bit contrived. but it is a really personal poem so im not surprised most people cant relate. its hardly universal.

So what were you feeling when you wrote it????

Silent Grape

read my previous post about why i wrote it.

ravenhead

I can only say one thing to that - You are a very strong person to be able to personify such deep emotion.... Keep writing - I'm sure there's plenty more to come.

Silent Grape

cheers!