Age differance.

LegacyUser

What do you think about large age differences in couples?

I'm seeing someone 17 years older than me. Nothing too serious. He doesn't act nor look his age. I presumed he was about 8 years older than me to begin with. Some of my family are raging and I don't really know what to say to them. He was well known to my family (not in a good way) prior to him and I getting together. Do you think age differences matter, and if so even if it is not going to become really serious relationship (as in marriage blah blah) just someone you have clicked with and are having fun with.

Beruthiel

what age are you?

RampagingBadger

You should never go out with someone who's younger than half you age plus 7. It's the rules. So I suppose the opposite also applies. Figure it out for yourself.

LadyPenelope

Yes, would like to know what age you are?

But if you click with someone there should be no problem, and if its not too serious tell your family and they should respect your wishes.

I would also be interested in ppl view on the age difference the other way around. I am female and am only interested in younger guys. Do not get on with older guys. And dont look my age. Feel a certain age in my head and thats roughly the age of the guys i like. A lot of ppl dont understand this and say why, he is bound to leave for younger model and stuff like that.

So if the girl who is dating older guy is happy with him, go for it, who knows what will happen, and as long as he treats you right, your family should not object.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies. I'm 22

Beruthiel

well I guess your family’s concerns are probably to do with things like, what if it becomes serious? What if you want to have a family and he feels he’s too old to be having that? tbh relationships can be either good or bad whatever the age and if it feels right for you well then feck the be grudgers, as Lady P said, it’s where both your ‘heads’ are that’s important – my b/f is 8 years younger than me, I have had no problem with that.
You are still young though and you will still change a lot in the next decade, your priorities and outlook on life especially. I would say carry on as you are, but as soon as you see yourself becoming serious about him, that’s the time to start asking yourself the relevant questions before going any further with the relationship, for both your sakes.

vibe666

you'd have to wonder what his motives are if you're 22 and he's 39. if you're happy and you think he honestly feels the same about you then, i don't see a problem, but tbh, it's real borderline dirty old man territory. i know there's nothing legally wrong with it, and if he is indeed genuine then morally there's no problem, but you have to ask yourself how young you would have to be for him to not want to be with you. 5 years ago you were 17 and he was 34. do you think you'd still be together if it was 5 years ago?

personally, i was with someone when i was 19 who was 28, and we were together almost 4 years and nobody thought anything of it, but then it was the other way round (me being the bloke) and i was a lot more mature than all my friends of the same age. I doubt it would have happened though if the ages were the same as you and him are now. 17 years is a big gap, especially at 22.

I'm 27 how, and I think i'd have to think hard now about the moral implications of seeing someone more than 3 or 4 years younger than me. it just wouldn't seem right.

if you're happy though, and sure about what you are doing, and his motives then i don't see that there's a problem. just see where it goes and take it as it comes.

LegacyUser

Thank you. You are right!

I'm really not interested in something serious. I can go out and have great craic with him but i also know that come Monday if i dont see or talk to him until the following weekend it won't cause any problems. I'm sick of serious relationships were i'm answering where i've been with and with whom. I don't see myself with him long term tbh. He has a couple of children from previous relationships which is why my family are very concerned. I have never met his kids and i do not know all the background. I don't agree with somethings PERSONALLY however i am not on this earth to pass judgement and we all make our own choices. He may not agree with some choices i have made in life. My family don't like the age gap. His family are fine with me. But i suppose i dont see the problem because i know we are at very different stages in life and have different valuess responsibilities etc, but for now should it really be a big thing to my family that i'm just not looking for "MR Right". I guess i don't care either way. They never meet him or he never meets them. It's not like he will be calling for Sunday Dinner

Rock Climber

Originally posted by RampagingBadger
You should never go out with someone who's younger than half you age plus 7. It's the rules. So I suppose the opposite also applies. Figure it out for yourself.

Nonsense.
you should go out with someone if you are mutually attracted to one another and get on well regardless of age when you are both over 21 like you both are.

by vibe 66
5 years ago you were 17 and he was 34. do you think you'd still be together if it was 5 years ago?

The here and now is what you should be looking at.
Theres a ten year age gap between my parents-so my Dad was 20 when my mother was 10.
That is irrelevant.

My advice: If you are happy stick with it, as you are both adults, happiness is what matters.

LegacyUser

I know what you mean vibe. If i thought of being with someone in their late 30's a few months ago i would have been like yuck! My mom is only a couple of years older than him!! The thing to me was he didn't act his age, he didn't look his age, that when i found out his age at first my jaw dropped. I said it to him about what his intentions were with someone my age, was it some kind of crisis. He laughed and told me it wasn't anything to do with that. We are both pretty laid back, both like to do what we want when we want, and enjoy our social lifes together and individually. For now it works but i don't think it would work long term but as i said long term is not what i'm worried about, but what my family is probably worried about. But i suppose if my niece came home and said to me she was seeing someone 17 years older than her i would think that guy was a pervert and she shouldn't be with him.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Rock Climber

My advice: If you are happy stick with it, as you are both adults, happiness is what matters.

Thank you. I think like that but was wondering.

yellum

I was recently seeing a guy that was 18. I'm 26. It looked like too it could get serious. I was getting some hassle from my friends and even my folks about it. Then he told his mother about me and the **** really hit the fan. After that it didn't last with his mother pestering him and we were living about 4 hours apart too which messed things up.

To me personally if you click and get on well age should not matter once you are both adults and both interact well on all the different levels that a relationship has. And you know sometimes the older one can be the immature one.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by yellum
And you know sometimes the older one can be the immature one.

amen to that bro

TwoShedsJackson

39 is old now?? yeesh..

Beruthiel

Originally posted by TwoShedsJackson
39 is old now?? yeesh..

only for some people....

Zulu

Originally posted by Wondering
Thanks for your replies. I'm 22

Well your old enough and bold enough. Perhaps the fact that your looking for answers here (without meaning to be alluf/elusive) says alot about your relationship. I get the impression that it dosen't "feel" right to you. If thats the case, then perhaps its best to walk.

You should know that I'm not exactly inpartial. I personally don't agree with large age gaps like that. I'm very much of the belief that relationships are about "life stages" (if you start a relationship at a similar life stage, and more or less continue at a similar pace then it'll all work out - if either diverages too much the relationship crumbles). With that much of an age gap, I can't see any chance that you are at a similar point in your life to him. So if you want different things out of the relationship what happens? It's worth wondering what will happen in 10years?

I think he's in this for very different reasons - but that idea has no basis in fact what so-ever. (I'd still bet money on it though)

Good luck - and don't get hurt.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Wondering
He has a couple of children from previous relationships which is why my family are very concerned. I have never met his kids and i do not know all the background

are his kids around your age or much younger?
be aware, if they are around your age, they will most likely never accept you

Zulu

Originally posted by LadyPenelope
I am female and am only interested in younger guys. Do not get on with older guys.

Thats a worrying thing to hear. "only"! Why? How much younger?
I know you don't want to give your age away - but can you at least say 15-25, 26-35, over 35? It is important. (we all know about child crazy 30 somthing women)

But seriously ...why?

I'm similar - I'm a man who would prefer younger women (no more than 3/4 years younger though) - but thats a male ego/inferiourity type thingie.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Beruthiel
are his kids around your age or much younger?
be aware, if they are around your age, they will most likely never accept you

His kids are under seven.

It's worth wondering what will happen in 10years?
]

I live for the here and now and as i said i don't see this as a long term thing.

I have always been with people older, never younger. Largest age gap before was 8 years.

Thank you all for your insight

Zulu

Originally posted by Wondering

I live for the here and now and as i said i don't see this as a long term thing.

No offence - but thats kind of a cop out. Relationships are ofter entered on a "live for the moment basis" but more often than not - one person is planning for the future, dreaming about a future, ie someone will get hurt.
If both really are "living for the moment" and there is no serious commentment, then nither are serious about each other. Thats ok, but why bother then? Your just depriving yourself of the chance to meet somone special (aahhhh, thats all a bit too much like the valintine crap I hate...)

LegacyUser

No offense taken. Neither of us are looking for something serious. We both enjoy each other's company, we have a good craic, we can have a good chat, and we don't need to answer to each other. As i said "I'm sick of serious relationships ". I'm 22 and don't want to settle down into something serious. My original post is how to really pacify my family in regard to this and is 17 years when not "serious" really so bad. I validate my families feelings however........

Again thanks for your response.

LadyPenelope

Originally posted by Zulu

Thats a worrying thing to hear. "only"! Why? How much younger?

Ok. Yea your right "only" sounded really bad. Am in the thirties age bracket (maybe not quite child crazy thirty something yet ......) When I was 21 my b/f was 28, I looked about 16 and he spent his time trying to change how I looked and acted.

After him all my partners have been at least three to five years younger.. oh except one mad fling, but lets not go into that....

Older guys generally never chat me up, or never seem interested if I chat them up. Then recently in an about turn, had relationship with older guy who then spent his whole time wondering how to change me, make me look different and act different. Perhaps it is just my perception of the whole thing. But it just always seems to happen that way, and yes of course it is also very flattering to be chatted up by younger guy especialy if he asks you for your number

Have looked at some comments posted at different times here and it seems most guys are not put off by girls being older, although maybe thats a "something I must do before I am 28 thing", i.e. be with older girl, who knows.

Ever thought about the older girl yourself .:D

Zulu

Originally posted by LadyPenelope
Originally posted by Zulu

Ok. Yea your right "only" sounded really bad. Am in the thirties age bracket (maybe not quite child crazy thirty something yet ......) When I was 21 my b/f was 28, I looked about 16 and he spent his time trying to change how I looked and acted.

After him all my partners have been at least three to five years younger.. oh except one mad fling, but lets not go into that....

Older guys generally never chat me up, or never seem interested if I chat them up. Then recently in an about turn, had relationship with older guy who then spent his whole time wondering how to change me, make me look different and act different. Perhaps it is just my perception of the whole thing. But it just always seems to happen that way, and yes of course it is also very flattering to be chatted up by younger guy especialy if he asks you for your number

Have looked at some comments posted at different times here and it seems most guys are not put off by girls being older, although maybe thats a "something I must do before I am 28 thing", i.e. be with older girl, who knows.

Ever thought about the older girl yourself .:D

Ahhh ok, fair enough so.
Tried the whole "something I must do before I am 28 thing", I think I pretty much nailed that list entirly after one of those "life moments". A year later and I'm a bit more stable (or boring - the jurys out on that one)

...as for older women - I'm always open to be proved wrong but as I said, my poor ego probably couldn't hack the pressure. It must be an inferiority thingie - I should address that :dunno:

I read an interesting artical reicently (you should stay away from New York - or not).
Apparently, the latest thing in New York - young (twenty somthing) men dating older women (called dirty-somthings by the said men). "The women pay for the meal, and know what they want afterwards", ie: the women have more cash, and, emm, experience. Perhaps we're seeing the results of too much Sex in the City!

fig

you know its not long term. its more like comfortable long term **** buddies more than anything else. Whats the problem? The problem is the word - relationship. Tell everyone its not a relationship, but a friendship. sorted. you see, friends arnt really interesting in changing people, but spending time with each other.

In the meantime, ask him about all his sexual fantasies and fullfill every single one of them. Its great and excellent fun.

LadyPenelope

Zulu,

Think i will keep away from New York, sound too calculated.

Put yourself in shoes of older girl with younger bloke and think how inferior they might feel and you would feel fine.



Originally posted by fig

you see, friends arnt really interesting in changing people, but spending time with each other.

Yes, I like that and never mind what everyone else thinks.

Zulu

Originally posted by fig
you know its not long term. its more like comfortable long term **** buddies more than anything else. Whats the problem? The problem is the word - relationship. Tell everyone its not a relationship, but a friendship. sorted. you see, friends arnt really interesting in changing people, but spending time with each other.

In the meantime, ask him about all his sexual fantasies and fullfill every single one of them. Its great and excellent fun.

Funny thing about **** buddies, I've had 3, and 3 people have gotten hurt. I've made it clear from the start, but after a little while, BAMB, you're in a relationship. ...well someone else is anyway, and someone gets hurt - every time.

...Please though correct me anyone has had an experience otherwise.
(Perhaps this should be another thread?)

Zulu

Originally posted by LadyPenelope
Zulu,

Think i will keep away from New York, sound too calculated.

Put yourself in shoes of older girl with younger bloke and think how inferior they might feel and you would feel fine.

Could it be possible that an older woman could fell inferior to a younger man? I need to re-assess my opinions so. (...for the better I might add)

Faith

Okay, as a topic has been started and every thing, I must ask. I'm 17, but I look and act a lot older. Most people think I'm at least 20 straight off, from appearances and personality. But I also tend to go for older guys- not too much older, however! It's been like that for as long as I've been interested in the opposite sex.

So, anyway, I'm 17 and I really like a guy who's 21. What do you think about that? Is 17 too young for most 21 year old males? I personally don't think it is, but I'm interested to know what others think about it!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Zulu
Could it be possible that an older woman could fell inferior to a younger man?

no it couldn't

Reyman

You gals are always better getting fixed up with a guy at least four or five years older than you!

It stands to reason --- when you're forty you'll probably not look the best, you'll really show the mileage.

Whereas at forty he'll still be "the business", men age better.

He'll drift off with someone else, who's a bit more decent looking and you'll be left 'high and dry'!!!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Reyman
He'll drift off with someone else, who's a bit more decent looking and you'll be left 'high and dry'!!!

cos this sort of thing doesn't happen if you're the same age?
:rolleyes:

Zulu

Originally posted by Faith
Okay, as a topic has been started and every thing, I must ask. I'm 17, but I look and act a lot older. Most people think I'm at least 20 straight off, from appearances and personality. But I also tend to go for older guys- not too much older, however! It's been like that for as long as I've been interested in the opposite sex.

So, anyway, I'm 17 and I really like a guy who's 21. What do you think about that? Is 17 too young for most 21 year old males? I personally don't think it is, but I'm interested to know what others think about it!

In my opinion that would be the limit, but really, at 17, you still have a lot to experience at 21 so does he. When I was 21 I wouldn't have gone out with a 17 year old. At 22 I was accidently with an 18 year old (she lied) and I felt like crap - hang my head in shame. (But what do I know!)

Zulu

Originally posted by Reyman
You gals are always better getting fixed up with a guy at least four or five years older than you!

It stands to reason --- when you're forty you'll probably not look the best, you'll really show the mileage.

Whereas at forty he'll still be "the business", men age better.

He'll drift off with someone else, who's a bit more decent looking and you'll be left 'high and dry'!!!

emmm ya - sure.
I trust this was a joke post.

LadyPenelope

Originally posted by Zulu

Could it be possible that an older woman could fell inferior to a younger man?

Yes. Or maybe that should be made to feel inferior.

Zulu

Originally posted by LadyPenelope
Originally posted by Zulu
Yes. Or maybe that should be made to feel inferior.

...you knew what i ment

LadyPenelope

Zulu

Yes I knew what you meant. Time to reassess ...

LegacyUser

I appreciate all your response.

Conclusion: My family can stop talking to me about it and leave me get on with living my life my way. I'm going to continue doing what i'm doing.

Zulu

Originally posted by LadyPenelope
Zulu

Yes I knew what you meant. Time to reassess ...

re - asses more like!
...as a matter of interest, how young would you go?

DUX

I wish I could find a 22 y.o. when I will be 39
Anyway now I am 26....the suitable age for me is between 20 and 26, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone much younger/older than me.

Anyway it is your choice, you can do whatever you feel to.....

Reyman

Men are basically into reproduction -- ergo young models get preference!

But mentally young 'wans' are a pain in the ass! We're made to suffer!


I prefer mine to have 'been around the block'

Zulu

Originally posted by Reyman
Men are basically into reproduction -- ergo young models get preference!

But mentally young 'wans' are a pain in the ass! We're made to suffer!


I prefer mine to have 'been around the block'

When you say Men here I trust you are talking about the males of a given species, and not the same men who have created electricty, put a person into space, split the atom, developed string theory, cured countless illnesses. Or do you believe that men can't control their instinctual urges??

Reyman

Why should they?

Maybe they like a little fun!

Zulu

Originally posted by Reyman
Why should they?

Maybe they like a little fun!

Fair point - but then perhaps replace the "Men" to "I am" when posting.

mike65

Originally posted by vibe666


I'm 27 how, and I think i'd have to think hard now about the moral implications of seeing someone more than 3 or 4 years younger than me. it just wouldn't seem right.

That must mean a huge number of immoral peeps out there....

Mike.