Shopping Centre Parking Tips

V1llianous

I have been driving around recently since getting my car and thought I would share a few tips with you on how to park in a shopping centre. This is the joy of parking in Superquinn, Lucan. These are all true, happened on at least one occasion and in all cases perpetrated by people with full driving licences ( where they got them is another matter - did Kelloggs ever give them out with Rice Krispies ? ):

1) If the car park is reasonably large and at least half empty do not use a space, this would diminish your view on your superiority. Ensure that you park in front of the main entrance. Extra superiority points are gained for parking at the main entrance while on a zebra crossing ! Additional bonus points are gained for looking bemused as 2 cars try to squeeze past you while tailbacks ensue.

2) If there is a small roundabout at the entrance of the car park for directing traffic try to align yourself up opposite the main entrance while parking on double yellow lines this will ensure everybody notices you and give you a nice fuzzy wuzzy feeling in your tummy.

3) Taxi drivers are the only ones who are allowed to go 30 mph above the limit of 5 / 10 mph and can combine this with going down the wrong way of a one way lane. Extra bonus points for doing this while having your hazzard lights on as this makes it alright.

4) If you are driving a scooter don't bother looking for the bike / motorbike bay just park in a trolley bay, this will give your scooter some company while you are shopping. ( No kidding the scooter bay is 25 metres from s.c. entrance and some one thought it was easier to park in a trolley bay 200 m from entrance ).

All of the above are skills that might be brought into a new driving test - Advanced Parking the Shopping Centre way.

Don't forget - be responsible and reasonable to others. Don't do any of the above for less than a minute - that would be foolish, maximise your time.

Ba$tard

Nice one

One to add. Park infront of the trolley bay, so people cannot bang trolleys off our car, cause they cant get to them in the first place.

Park laterally, and take up 3 parking spaces.

Put a ring of pressure-triggered landmines around your car.


Buy a Humvee.

Jip

Another tip is to use the door stop the nice friendly person parked next to you has provided, i.e. their door. This will prevent you having to over stretch yourself while trying to grab a hold of your own interior door handle when getting out.

Turner

Yawn...

ando

Originally posted by Ba$tard
Park laterally, and take up 3 parking spaces

women drivers :rolleyes:

Tommy Vercetti

Originally posted by Ba$tard
Nice one
Park laterally, and take up 3 parking spaces.

Also remember to reverse out and go back in 3 times before finally positioning the vehicle arseways. Don't forget to ignore any other traffic that may be around.

Easygainer

Remember the Simpsons -

Marge: "...man parked across three handicapped spaces...HOMER!"
Homer:" It's OK Marge I'm just buying drink for those underage kids over there!"


HAHA - anyway, one I love is parking in handicapped spaces (while handicapped people make handicapped faces..I'm an asshole... lol) and limping away from the space!