Cancer ?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I just found out a close friend of mine has cancer. They already had cancer... when we met they had just recovered. They have just been told they have cancer again. Problem is they dont want treatment.... they don't want to go through the tests to determine how far the cancer is and what it is etc.

I am 100% clueless to what sort of things they will be going through. My friend just wants to die (Treatment or die).

Does anyone know what sort of things they will have to go through ? I just want to be there for them and am clueless to what they have to go through so will always over simplify it. They don't want to talk about it at all.

Beruthiel

I know very little about the treatment of cancer, however, it would probably help if you could tell us which kind your friend has as I’m sure the treatments vary. It sounds like your friend has had enough of it, as treatments are very invasive and harrowing on the body. S/he probably lacks the will it takes to go through it again. I’m very sorry to hear that.

perhaps you could suggest to your friend that they at least go and see how widespread it is before taking the decision to not continue, if it hasn’t spread too much they might change their mind on the treatment

ok

There are several different types of cancer and several different treatments.
Some lead to remission, a code word for almost complete recovery.
The most important first thing where the c word is concerned is the patients attitude towards it.
Positive attitude is essential.

The treatments in terms of chemotherapy have advanced by leaps and bounds in recent years.
For instance there are treatments which will lead to no hair loss, and with few noticeable side effects if any bar tiredness.

Depending on how close you are to your friend, you have a job of work to do.
Frog march your friend to the Doctor/specialist to determine what the situation is and then in the light of that information make the decision as to whether you want to proceed.
Theres no sense in letting cancer win without a fight, because in that case it will win.
It may well be , you know that your friends condition may be curable.
Cancer in a lot of cases doesnt mean death,patients with it can depending on the diagnosis lead long and more comfortable lives than the mythology surrounding it suggests.
Good Luck

luckat

The treatment makes you feel very sick, I'm told, and also plays merry hell with your emotions. I had a friend who was on chemo and he'd have to rush upstairs, sweating with emotion, if the baby cried.

Is your friend a betting wo/man? His or her decision should be based on a sound idea of the chances. And it may be that the decision s/he's taken at the moment may change in a couple of days as courage wells up again.

Cancer seems to react a bit to stress and attitude - though as with any disease, sometimes no matter how hard you fight, you lose.

But if you can support and help your friend with treats and love and humour, you'll give him or her a lot of help.

yellum

If your friend is resigned to the fact that he does not want to go through anymore treatments then thats his decision and should be respected. Death is a right too.

The only thing you can do is check his options with his doctors. You could nag him and tell him you'll accept his decision only if you know he has looked at all the options available. If he has contemplated them all carefully and still doesn't want treatment all that you can do then is be there for him.

Originally posted by yellum
If your friend is resigned to the fact that he does not want to go through anymore treatments then thats his decision and should be respected. Death is a right too.

Certainly it is I suppose, but just to fill in where I am coming from on this issue.

My Mum was first diagnosed with cancer way back in 1995,she underwent various heavy operations and awfull treatments and made a full recovery or more acurately remission.
For the next seven years she led a full and active life full of fun and the usual stuff, something that would not have happened if we had let her drift into apathy at the time.
Early in 2002 the cancer came back and it was 12 more months of treatment , but this time with chemicals that did not seem to have the same after effects as the previous ones, they were new. She also had a lot of drugs which prevented her from becoming sick etc.
Thankfully she has came out the other side of this and is jumping around, and being almost as active as before.
We fully expect this condition to eventually take her, but one thing is certain, if she had done nothing ( which was possible ) and without our encouragement, she would be eight or nine years dead by now and to be honest both herself, her family and her friends have been very glad of that time.

If he has contemplated them all carefully and still doesn't want treatment all that you can do then is be there for him.

I would take that approach too, except theres not enough information to go on here.
It would be entirely understandable for someone who has cancer and who has been told that even with treatment that the prognosis is not good, that they would want to leave it and let nature take its course.
It's not understandable at all in my humble opinion if they do not have those facts or if they simply want to die despite the doctor saying a recovery is possible.

yellum

But the fact is some people don't wish to live anymore and don't wait to do battle with cancer. If they decide they don't want treatment even if it means a full recovery then that has to be respected.

As a friend we would have to respect this decision. As I said death is also a right.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Respect the decision maybe .. but a friend should never give up on making another friend see a brighter side. No matter what.

To accept some one making a decision to just die is akin to agreeing with them going and hanging themselves.

Respect their decision all you want. But dont stop trying to make them see some brighter side to life..and living.

I couldnt have said what I would have added any better myself
I wholeheartedly agree with the above.

LegacyUser

Me again.

Well the friend doesnt want to die really... they just dont want to go through everything they did again. They had an amazingly tough year. Not just with their cancer but other things. They have kids and they have been one of the main reasons why they went on and on and on. I think it is cancer of the lung htey have.

Don't suppose anyone knows the names of the treatments that have limited side affects ? Or at least is it widely known ?

They just have no fight left. Like I said they had a hard year, I just want to be there for them. If they do decide to let the cancer win I still want to be there and never let them think they are alone. I am fairly useless when we talk because I haven't a clue what they are going through. I thought chemo was when you were flooded with radiation or something along those lines.

Originally posted by Clueless
I thought chemo was when you were flooded with radiation or something along those lines.

Its mostly administered into a vein via a drip.

A doctor/specialist is best to advise on what chemo is necessary.

LegacyUser

my aunt was recently diagnosed with cancer, but instead of putting her on chemo, the specialist put her on a course of pills - some new form of treatment I think. Anyway it doesn't have the awful side effects of chemo. They are working anyway, although she has only been on them a few months so it's really too soon to tell. As far as I can tell there are four main cancer specialists in Ireland, and 1 of them is using this method. Don't let your friend give up, remind him/her of the ppl they would leave behind. A death is always hardest on those left behind