On-off, on-off relationship

Muchos

Hey!

Long time lurker, first time poster!

A bit of a convoluted question to put to you guys....

I've been going out with this girl for the last 8 months. I fell in love with her. We've broken up a number of times, actually three times by me and three by her. Anyway. I was initially scared of commitment and that why I tried to get rid of her early on. Too much pressure as I could spot that I was falling for her big time!

So, we got back, she then split with me a few months later cos we were getting to serious too quickly. She said at the time that she loved me.

I had and have fallen for her big time!

We have gone on and off a couple of times.

She now says that she has fallen out of love with me but, to be honest, I don't believe her.

She keeps on coming out with long term plans while drunk that I know she's been thinking about as they are VERY involved and smell of long term stuff like moving in and buying a house etc...

Anyway, I kinda let it slip that I was thinking of asking her to marry me and then it went all cold...

What the ****!??! I know she still loves me but she's pushing me away.

I don't know what to do. I promised myself that I would never get hurt again...

Seraphina

8 MONTHS? MARRAIGE?
you scared the **** out of her!
she may have ideas, but alot of girls do, doesn't mean she wants to go through with them

TALK TO HER!
the answer to 90% of these problems.

tinkerbell

If you two have broken up six times in eight months, then you definitely shouldn't be mentioning marriage to her, that's prolly why she went all cold. She's prolly thinkin "why is he talkin about marriage when we break up so often".

I think the two of yous need to have a major chat about where your relationship is goin.

Muchos

We did have a major cha. And I've come to the conclusion that I was being an idiot thinking of that too soon. Said it to her too.

No reaction. She's one of these people that just won't open up...

We're still mate tho. That's the tough bit. We get on great together! Everyone thinks so too....

tinkerbell

So is it on or off now? Does she realise what she says when she's drunk? (Truth generally comes out while bein drunkies) She can't really blame you for goin all long-term on her when she was talkin about movin in together, etc. so she really should take half the blame.

Muchos

Originally posted by tinkerbell
So is it on or off now? Does she realise what she says when she's drunk? (Truth generally comes out while bein drunkies) She can't really blame you for goin all long-term on her when she was talkin about movin in together, etc. so she really should take half the blame.

It's off....

That's kinda my point tho. I had to seriously think long and hard after she started coming out with all that stuff. I did. And I decided...

And yeah. She generally remembers the stuff she comes out with but puts it down to being drunk.

And yeah, most of us do come out with the truth when we're pished! I know I do...

Part of the problem too...

We're peas in a pod...

Muchos

And thanks for the comments by the by!

I just don't know what to do. I never wanted to get into this type of situation again. Was hurt before and ended up hating that person so much I get angry thinking of her. I don't want to hate this girl. She's pretty brilliant!

tinkerbell

No problem, we're all here to help

Well, I think all you can do is talk to her, tell her you love her, remind her of why ye are good together (sometimes people don't realise things unless they are actually told them). Other than that, I don't really know what to suggest. But since she's been comin out with stuff like that while drunk, then she'll prolly come crawlin back.

Muchos

Originally posted by tinkerbell
No problem, we're all here to help

Well, I think all you can do is talk to her, tell her you love her, remind her of why ye are good together (sometimes people don't realise things unless they are actually told them). Other than that, I don't really know what to suggest. But since she's been comin out with stuff like that while drunk, then she'll prolly come crawlin back.

Bugger! Have done that!!! Have asked her to think about the whole thing and come back to me...

Muchos

Also, I personally think she's afraid of something but I can't put my finger on it and she doesn't open up. Even when I ask her, she just calls me stupid...

I really don't want to lose her and have been living in a state of unhealty anxiety for over a month now.

I can't stop thinking about her. 24/7...

Muchos

Anyway. Thanks for the help guys.

What a way to explode onto the boards for the first time eh?

:dunno:

Sure it's not the first time. I'll be back!

passive

dammit...you have me beaten. i thought 10 months, 5 breakups must have set some kind of record...certainly amuses my friends anyway

Muchos

Heh heh. Funny to an extent!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Muchos
Also, I personally think she's afraid of something but I can't put my finger on it

Perhaps it’s commitment?

You haven’t said what age you both are, early to middle 20’s?
Anyway, even if you are really into someone, if they come across as very serious about you then it can start you thinking of their expectations and the consequences of staying with you can only lead to said scary commitment.
I have been in a couple of very long term relationships which ended, after that you tend to be very, very careful about committing to anyone else in the same way, you both need time to think on that one me thinks, leave her to think about it, she knows how you feel. If she does come back, just relax in the relationship, there’s no rush to ‘get to the next level’, wait till she’s ready.

JessieG

listen ppl fall in love at different stages some reach it quicker than others, but does it really matter how quickly you reach ye're destination as long as ye both get there in the end...(and in one peice of course lol)

(trust me on this one......!!! i speak from experience)

8-months- marraige????

sit down my love, how many times have ye broken up.....marrage requires a lot of maturity and stablity. And, i dont mean to be offensive but stability is one thign that yere on-off on-off relationship doenst have. i mean what would happen....ye break up after 2 months because things were getting too stressful.???? lets be realistic here.

Also to say this to a girl who broke up with you previously for things becomign too serious......tbh the girl is scared ****less right now!!!

just take it slowly and remain to be friends.............if ye are meant to be then, if you maintian the friendship and the close contact, the two of ye, more than likely will find ye're way back to one another. be patient.....things have a way of working themselves out.

Typedef

Muchos.


Be trendy. Dump her and sleep with her sister.... you've seen TV right?


You know what, it does sound like you'll end up with this chick, (given your stated history together), but, guess what? You asked her too soon.

Why don't you do the whole getting shacked-up (and no... I don't mean with restraints... (well maybe that too)), before you ask her to marry you.

In bygone times, marriage was how, things were done, but, that's not the trend of society anymore. Realise that and don't be so stressed about your chick not being besotted like Bridgette Jones, remember Ms Jones is essentially an pitiable character and women seek to live up to the more.... assertive role models put forward in soceity.

Maybe ask her if she'd like to have you as a house-husband..... you'd be all..... fashionable then.

JessieG

typedef,

havent seen u in a bit ya been. not sleeping with too many ex's sisters i hope :P