mindf*ck *

passive

Mindfuck

We are all of pure intentions
We are all used
We Stare at the pretty girl
We fantasise (about her naked)
We Desire (to touch her)
We love (every orifice)
We Rape (her soul)
In your head. In your head
There is no innocence
There is no purity
All virgins are liars
All virgins are whores
We have all been fucked
We have all felt dirty
We have all been used. (abused)
Spread the feeling
Share the worth. (Less)
Take your fucking morals
Take your fucking chastity
Liar.
You are all the same
See the pretty girl
Girl sees you
You touch
You dance
You kiss
You fuck
In your head. In her head.
Reality is a false idea &
If you feel it so it is &
If you want it so it may be
Its all perception
Fuck!
(In your head)
Fuck
Your soul


(this is what happens when you feel sad, whiny, angsty and get a phrase (mindf*ck) caught in your head for no reason, analyse it, try and define it, try put it into words and then try make it sound simple/interesting to read. result: failure. but its the only poem i've ever written that i don't hate looking back at (which says little for the other poems)

passive

hey...if i've to put up a ** rating about profanity why is it all censored anyway?
i wouldn't have posted a poem centered around the word **** if i'd known it would be asterixed out....>_< ****

RopeDrink

It's an interesting poem, and can some up some of my past experiences quite nicely.
With a minor touch up, you never know what can be made of it - It's one of those poems that'd apply to a specific few people as opposed to a whole 'kind' of person, if you catch my drift.

Not bad at all, keep it up.

koneko

The Manic Street Preachers did a song called Of Walking Abortion

Some of the rest of it is very similar to some of their stuff (virgins liars, etc from Yes)

passive

yeah..i took the first line from that (it was during a mild obsession with them)
was looking at it last night and trying to think of a better way to start the poem because i didn't want to seem like i was ripping it off...
unfortunately i couldn't think of anything better offhand but meh...any ideas yourself? (edit: actually, can someone suggest a better opening line before my time to edit this runs out? it doesn't start right with no line there but i can't think of anything =(

(and the stuff about whores/liars was unrelated & uninspired by yes..you're just being mean now :mad:. i had in mind a crazy ex of mine who had a thing regarding "all they want is a virgin who's a whore and there's no such ****ing thing")

also: thanks ropedrink

RopeDrink

No problem...

If there was such a thing as a virgin whore, and I was asked to guess what it was, it'd be like one of my co-workers... He's never slept with anyone before, but he's quite content with slutting around and trying his best to change that little fact about him by any means neccesary...

Of course, thats just my perception, and quotes like that often have rather abnormal meanings

Back On Topic, however, I won't try to suggest anything in regards to the poem seeing as, despite having written quite a few of them, they are probably my weakest form of writing, and I've never attempted one 'quite' like yours

koneko

I wasn't being mean, I just made an observation. There was no emotion either way in my post.



I agree to an extent with your ex. Some guys I've known/talked to have this notion that they want a girl that's pure, untouched. Not someone that's slept with other people because that's "dirty". But they still want someone that can satisfy them sexually and is a horney beast. Being good at sex comes through experience...

passive

oh right..sorry, assumed you were pointing that out with intent..the links made it seem like you were saying something...

anyway yeah, thats what i took from her quote as well...never had the chance to discuss it with her as she'd long been my ex when i saw that... it applys to a lot but not all people because theres obviously people who'd settle happily for a whore, and innocents who'd be more attracted to the virgin and not care for her to be a whore (for a while anyway)..interested me anyway. thanks for the feedback

koneko

Luckily a lot of guys aren't like that, but sometimes people only come across the bad ones and form that opinion, which is unfortunate.

Anyhoo I only put the links in in case you weren't familiar with the songs, or if anyone else was wondering what the lyrics were. No harm intended.

Ebony

i think your poem poem totally rocked passive. I really liked your use of ()'s espeacially (sorry i cant spell 4 nuts) "the worth (less)" pharse .Reminds me of something i tried to do before but mine totally sucked .I think you've really nailed the whole angst thing.:)