Wife 1.0 Upgrade

Kazu

WIFE 1.0 UPGRADE

The following is a letter from a computer user writing to Helpdesk:

Dear Sir

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Jonathan


Response:

Dear Sir,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the "apologize" button then "reset" button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but you incur very high maintenance costs.

quank

was this posted like a couple of weeks ago?

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by greg_f
Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to
try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several
other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and
left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for
several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other,they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0.
While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does
come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2003.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be
very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically
stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced
months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter,
and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter
products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle
Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns
unwelcome child processes that drain my resources.
These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me
that they are an illegal operation.
Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it
often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there
could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife
1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before
uninstalling itself.

Any ideas?


:ninja:

Capt'n Midnight

A Followup to "Dear Tech Support"
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 automatically installs undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. As a consequence system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0:

A "Don't remind me again" button - - Minimize button

An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.

An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to have greater use.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another annoying problem-all versions of Girlfriend continually popup annoying messges about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

***** BUG WARNING *****

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before executing a self - uninstallation. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system resources.

*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by flyz
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0 and Pub 3.0.TV 4.01

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall
another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Cabaal

Its all very sad but its still funny stuff to read

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by richindub2
Heh,ok,well i found another one,and i thought it was pretty funny..


Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0
(marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0
and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be
running before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it,
Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.

Some features I'd like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend4.0...

- A "Don't remind me again" button

- Minimize button

- Shutdown feature

- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely
uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)

I tried running girlfriend 2.0 with girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they
tried using the same i/o port and conflicted. Then I tried to unistall
girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to
uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.

Another thing that sucks in all versions of girlfriend that I've used is

that it is totally "object orientated" and only supported hardware with
gold plated contacts.

***** BUG WARNING ********

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1
before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before
doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install,
claiming insufficient resources.

Zer0^

2 much reading .... just use the

!! rofl !!