Pick-up lines that may get you killed

Kazu

1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

6. You are so fine that I'd eat your **** just to see where it came from.

7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go ****.

9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!



10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?

11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!

12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?

14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?

15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"

Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."

Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"

17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

18. **** me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Raphael

21. Your Ugly, and I'm desperate, whaddya say?

muffen

18. **** me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

I like that one

Samson

Originally posted by Kazu
5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

Excellent, I must remember that one.

Drex

Very Good

Dont Ban Me

22. Thats a nice dress, but it'd look better on my bedroom floor!

Sarky

I have a six inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears. Can I buy you a drink?

kmart6

Originally posted by Kazu
13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?




14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?

Two of my fav


There class:D

Dempsey

Originally posted by Kazu


1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

Har Har

Faust

The word of the day is legs now lets spread the word

Capt'n Midnight

or the all time classic

Nice shoes, wana fu**

Capt'n Midnight

Oh well then /me dusts off cobwebs...


* I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

* You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

* Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

* Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
* Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

* That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

* My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

* My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."

* Nice shoes. Wanna ****?

* Can I flirt with you?

* Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

* All of those curves, and me with no brakes.

* If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

* **** me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

* I like every bone in your body especially mine.

* [Grab their tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

* Is it hot in here or is it just you?

* Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

* How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?

* Do you know what would look good on you? Me.

* I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

* So.... How am I doin'?

* [Lick your finger, then touch you and your "friend's" shoulder] How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?

* [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.

* Do you sleep on your stomach? [No.] Can I?

* How about a **** and a pizza? [*Slap*] What?!? You don't like pizza?

* You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

* Do you wash your pants in Windex? ("No. Why?") Because I can see myself in them.

* That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

* Do you want to see something swell?

* Hey babe...do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

* Drop 'em!

* What do you like for breakfast?

* Excuse me. Do you want to **** or should I apologize?

* Wanna **** like bunnies?

* Say, did we go to different schools together?

* I had a friend who use to hand out phone cards that said:
"Smile if you want to sleep with me."
And watch them try to hold back their laugh.

* Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

* Would you like to dance or should I go **** myself again?

* Hey baby, let's go make some babies.

* At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"

* Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

*I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels

* Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

* Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?

* Motion with your finger for a girl to come over.
When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."

* A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
You: "Do you have the energy?"

* Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?

* Hey mother! Want another?

* Do you spit or swallow?

* You look like the type of girl that has heard ever line in the book. - So what's one more?

* You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.

* Your face or MINE!?

* "Are you ready to go home yet?"

* When she asks, for a match.
How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?

* Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?

* I love you. I want to marry you. Now **** my brains out.

* Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

* Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

* I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

* I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

* I'd look good on you.

* Excuse me, have I ****ed you yet?

* I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else.

* I would kill or die to make love to you.

* Sex is a killer...want to die happy?

* I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

* Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

* HI! Can I buy you a car?

* NOW, BITCH!

* Fancy a ****?

* My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.

* Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?

* I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

* **** me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?

* I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

* Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?

* You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?

* Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

* Have you ever had your belly-button licked?...(Yes)...From the inside?

* If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?

* Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna ****?

* I am a magical being, take off your bra.

* Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?

* Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation?
(No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

* Hold out two fingers and say:
"Why should a women masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."

* Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.

* That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.

* Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?

* I don't normally use pick up lines, but______(insert any of the above).

* What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

Capt'n Midnight

# I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs.
# Are those real?
# I may not be Fred Flintstone but I sure can make your bed rock.
# Ya know, that shirt is very becoming on you......of course, if I was on you, I'd be cumming too.
# The only place I want to go is south of the border.
# Hey you want to know what I heard about you? **** me and I'll tell you.
# What's a nice girl like you doing on a face like this?
# Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
# Mmmmmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible"
# So, do you want to see something really swell?
# Excuse me but is your last name "Gillette"......cause you are the best a man can get!
# My shirt's chaffing me.....
# Excuse me miss, do you give head to strangers? (No) Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
# They call me Milk, because I do your body good.
# I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
# Hey baby, wanna wrestle.
# Hi, do you want to have children? (assuming the answer is no) Ok then, can we just practice?
# I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
# They say the best things in life are free....they lied( but I do accept American Express)
# This Valentines Day, I really want you to know how I feel.....So you better use both hands.
# You can feel the magic between us......No, lower!
# You're on my mind this Valentine's Day.....I'd prefer you on my bed.
# This Valentine's Day I want you to know that I'm head-over-heels for you....and I know some other positions too.
# I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
# You have 250 bones in your body, want another?
# If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
# Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

Capt'n Midnight

If I asked you to go to bed with me, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

(This was sent to me by a lady) A guy approached her and said "I have the F the C and the K, now all I need is U." It didn't work!!!!

Do you want to see something swell?

Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you.
Can I call you or nudge you?

Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

From: MAD Magazine: Classic Flops Spring 1986.
9 Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines:

---

1. "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"
2. "Is that a false nose?"
3. "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno."
4. "I'm drunk."
5. "Hi, my friends call me Creepy."
6. "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?"
7. "I just threw up."
8. "You're ugly but you intrigue me."
9. "I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that."

Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.

Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?

Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.

Excuse me, do you wanna spoon or should I apologize?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?

You smell. Let's take a shower together

I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade

Want to see my stamp collection?

Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.

Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms? (sure to get responses)

Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)

Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'

I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements?

Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a complement. eg. after "accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc. say "If they weren't sooo large it wouldn't have happened"

Do you know how to use this? [a vibrator]

How about the best response to an unwanted pickup?
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: Female impersonator.

"Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?"

joePC

9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!

very good hhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa:D

Dempsey

Hey capt'n midnight, I'm getting the funny feeling that you have tried alot of them lines, would i be right?

Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?

Faust

[Lick your finger, then touch you and your "friend's" shoulder] How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?

classic

popinfresh

Cmon', roll out the stars

Töpher

Guy: "Would you like to dance?"

Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."

Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"

Not a pick up line, but would give me something to say back!!

rymus

8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go ****.

nice one. If you can manage a pseudo-Italian mobster accent it would work very well..

Kinda reminds me of the old classic "Nice shoes, wanna fcuk?"

quank

tis terrible but hey...

I lost my phone number... can I have yours?