I need help, and it's not gone (long-ish)

LegacyUser

I don't know where to start, but I suppose something I read a few minutes ago kinda sums up why I'm posting here. Every so often I get depressed, and start to cry for little or no reason. I can't control it, and it's a vicious circle because I find myself in situations where I can't loose control like that. It will effect my work. Just to set the picture in your head straight, I'm male (obviously enough), in my early 20s, and still in college (which I think I'm undecided whether I'm finished or not, nearly finished postgrad degree, considering going further in my field). But today for example, I couldn't think straight at my work, and people could tell something was up.

I have a fairly complicated family background, which a lot of my problems stem from. As a quick question, has anyone ever felt like a rope in a tug-o-war with the good and bad things in their life?. I have no control over these things, and every now and again I'm drawn closer to the bad things. I've tried to commit suicide twice in the last 5 years. The first time Feb 1999, then Feb 2001. I thought it was a two year cycle thing, because I watched Feb 2003 go by, and felt relieved that I must have learned how to deal with the things in my life I cannot change. I'm not a religious person in the slightest sense, nor do I come from a religious family (actually I was the only one who wanted to go to Christmas Eve mass, to try and feel there was a sense of home in my life). But there is no home for me, in an emotional sense. Home was destroyed when my parents split up a long time ago. I can only describe it as living in a student house, having lived in student accomodation for many years. However though I'm not religious I really admire the quote

"God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change"

because that's all I want. I now know that my continued cycles of depression are not gone, and here I am once again, a little older, wiser, and analyse myself down to the very thought. I can go on for ages and ages telling people how I've gotten in to this state, and what family problems, etc, etc, etc, that I have. But as I've grown older I've realised that it's not what has gotten me here, it's how I'm going to get myself out of it. Terrible events in people's lives are only instances of problems, and problems are not what's the issue. The issue is learning to deal with the bad things in your life, so they can't drag you down. This was my mentality up until a week or two ago. I thought thinking this way could save me from loosing this tug-o-war system that holds me captive.

I shocked myself recently when I got really drunk and blurted out the most private details to absolute strangers. I told someone I've never met before, whom I'll probably never meet again that I was going to kill myself when the next big push comes along (because I can't bottle up much more). I know they even listened to me, and I remember the expression on their face. Because I don't know who they are I thank them now for listening. Just like I thank you for reading this far.

Can I ask another question...consider the following:
I have a close group of friends, which are true friends. This has been proven on many occasions throughout many years. I'm very glad to have them, and they are a major reason why I'm still here. The last time I tried to kill myself they came in to the hospital to me (where I'd tried to OD on Paracetomol, which my weight and size actually was beneficial to me on that occasion, I'm a fat bastard). One of them in particular has members of his family who work with people with problems. These people are aware of my problems, to varying degrees. I've felt more comfortable talking to them, but again most of it only came out while I was drunk, but I'll take up on any opportunity to talk, but I will never ask. I just can't. One of my problems is because I love these people so much, I'm afraid that if I keep blurting out my problems to them, they'll just grow tired of me. Having opened the Samaritans web site just before posting here tonight, I noticed this on their front page...

"I didn't want to be a downer for all my friends, so I didn't talk to them".

that's how I feel right now. But at the same time I have a relative who works for my local samaritans, who a lot of people think she shouldn't be there. But she's a relative of mine that is close, but I don't know at all. However if she knew I had contacted them, there would be war in my family. There are select people who I can talk to. But I fear that I've already cashed in my talk time with them. They have never given me any reason not to talk to them, but as the last quote above says, I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from.

I want out. I can't take any more. I even have a more pills here (enough to do the job this time). The docs pretty much made it clear to me the last time how little more I had to take to finish the job, and how lucky I was. A slap on the wrist was perhaps what I needed, but my head is sore now just trying to find words that can describe the way I feel. If I could only hook up a VCR to my brain and play it back, then I'd probably convey my problems better, and utilise my time better with people who do listen.

I got a call from a friend while I was working today, but didn't have time to talk. He sounded concerned, which has me worried that they are thinking "Oh Christ here we go again!".

Again as I said it's not what caused the problems, it's learning to deal with them. You can't make problems disappear, you find a way to deal with them. This is all I want. When my friends came in to the hospital I called them bastards, because they are a big reason why it's so hard for me not to give up. I think of the people who I care about and would really worry about leaving behind, and they are the only reason why I'm still here. Otherwise I'd have written an award winning suicide note, and left by now.

Sorry for posting so long, but when I vent in to a word processor, I never know anymore than what's going around in my own head. I just get to describe it to a computer using the words I want to use.

Would you get pissed off with someone who exploded every so often with their problems?. Do people want to help others?

LG out, not for long I hope.

Beruthiel

Well from reading what you said, I take it that the things that are affecting your state of mind are to do with something you cannot change and must learn to live with – you have tried and failed on numerous occasions. It’s awful hard sometimes to see things clearly when you are so close to them, you desperately need to talk to someone, this is obvious as you blurt things out to complete strangers. I believe you would benefit from seeing a councillor, have you tried this course of action yet? If not, I would urge you to do so. Until you truly learn to become comfortable (to the degree you can live with it) these problems will continue to reoccur, a councillor with give you the tools to do this, get your doctor to refer you to one asap.

Paddy20

LonelyGuy,

That quote you use is only part of a quotation found in Alcoholics Anonymous [AA] publications. Would you consider that you may have an alcohol abuse problem ?.

Apart from that observation. I would suggest that you take - Beruthiels - suggestion, and ask your GP to refer you for the appropriate type of counselling, and please make it clear just how depressed you are feeling.

You would be surprised how many people visit their Doctors without explaining the real problem, and Doctors are simply not psychic. You will receive the help you need. Try taking a printout of your post above and hand it to your GP to read. I feel it would really help your GP understand your agony and what you are suffering.

Just my 2cs worth.

Good Luck. BTW, I believe your quote continues, " And the courage to change the things I can "

P.:ninja:

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate any feedback I can get.

Beruthiel
The last time I tried to commit suicide a doctor in the hospital asked me the same question. He asked me why I hadn't considered a councellor before, and made the call on my behalf, just to make sure that at least that step was taken. So I did go, for many sessions. They were beneficial, and the person was really good to talk to. However I don't think we got to the real problem. That particular councellor played on the fact that I didn't get to use the words I wanted to use when describing my problems. They made me pretend I was talking to the person I wanted to talk to, and say the things I wanted to say. I felt completely awkward to say the least and was a little reluctant at first, but after a few minutes I was really learning to let go. People all around me told me to talk talk talk, so I started. But then I found that certain people didn't want to know anymore, and because their lives had picked up, they didn't want to think there was anything wrong with them or the people around them (me). This is the conclusion I've come to, from my very VERY thoral analysis.

Paddy
As for the alcoholic part, well that's the first time anyone has ever suggested that to me. They do say that people who say they don't have a drink problem are in denial, but I don't think I am, for the simple reason that I don't hit the drink as soon as I hit a bat spot. I only drink with friends. I go out for drinks perhaps once every 2 weeks with my friends, and I die of a hangover just like they do. I never drink on my own, and I never lie about how much I drink.
But having said that I am not going to rule out or ignore your conclusion. I will take on board what ever anyone has to say, even though I may not be glad to hear it. I myself think I know what's wrong with me, that's not why I'm here. I've lived my life up to this point and only I can accurately describle events that have occured around me, and how they have influenced the person I am today. I've spoken to countless people and we've all come to the same conclusions.

But only now I know that all the talking I've done so far hasn't eliminated how I feel, even years down the road from the most terrible of events in my life so far.

However why I am here is to figure out if people would get freaked out if their best friend turned around and told them a whole load of stuff that they hadn't the guts to say before, because they needed to get it off their chest.

Since I last posted I contacted my closest friend, and gave them the gist of what's wrong. I told them, I'd talk face to face, and go in to more detail. They told me that they wish their relative was around to talk to me (a person whom I talked with many times before). I'm a very negative person, many people have told me this, and my take on this is that they are very nervous about dealing with me. They know me extremely well, but we are a fairly closed group of people with many good times shared and bad times kept to ourselves. Perhaps this is my problem, and they are completely fine with it, but I'm worried I will scare people off with my "venting".

Beruthiel, I may actually seek a councellor on my own this time. But I really don't want anyone to know I'm visiting one. My only option as I see it is to visit the one in my college. I'm assuming outside of there would cost serious money (which I definately dont have). I really don't want to lose my friends, as they are probably the greatest thing i have in my life (apart from a close sibling).

I was going to contact the samaritans, but won't for the following reasons.
- I want to be able to talk to the same person (so I don't have to explain myself each time, which I'm nearly sick of doing at this stage). So email is out!.
- Phone calls would cost too much
- I can't go in there because a relative of mine does work for them every, and I've no way of finding out when they will be there. Also I don't know what their policy is regards sharing information between "listening" volunteers. Again if my relative knew, there would be war.

If anyone can offer any further suggestions as to how I could get out of this (deal with this), then please...I would really like to hear from you.

Thanks

Beruthiel

I have a fairly complicated family background, which a lot of my problems stem from


if this is an on going problem, is there any benefit in removing yourself from the situation while you sort yourself out?

I’m glad to hear that you are going to give the college councillor a go, just remember there are many councillors out there and if you’re not happy with one then just try another. Yes some can be expensive but your doctor can refer you to one that doesn’t cost, you are not a wage earner yet and I know in that instance the cost can be taken up by the health board.

But I really don't want anyone to know I'm visiting one

as for this, just make something up, a study group you have to go to once a week or whatever

good luck
a

Victor

I could have written that, save some of the exact details and the suicide bits (says the guy with 10,000+ posts 'cos he doesn't want to work). I suspect you've worked it out, but it sounds like you are suffering from clinical depression. Print off the above, go talk to your GP and get him to refer you to someone.

MojoMaker

A trained psychotherapist costs between €50 and €80 per hour. There is a massive variance in the bottom line quality of all psychotherapists, it is often pot luck the type of personality you come across, same way there are lousy teachers and brilliant teachers yet they all get the same training. Anyway, I digress. There are several differnet forms of psychotherapy (btw highly recommended for everyone here at some point in their lives) - a different approach might suit you better. Jungian psychotherapists are very non-invasive, unlike the majority of Freudian therapists. Your GP should have a list of therapists operating in your area and which ones treat medical card holders and/or the unwaged. Treatment is transparent in any case so don't worry on that score. Tell your GP the type of person you think you would like to talk to and they can refer you to the most appropriate style for you. For example if your problems are familay-oriented as you seem to recognise then someone specialising in family trauma might be more suited to someone with extra specialisations in bereavement counselling or perhaps a leader rather than a guider if you feel information needs to be encouraged from you rather than you talking freely (initially anyway). You might be surprised at the difference between the specific focus of different therapists and you can always ask them on the phone which type of therpay they advocate and which might be more suitable for you. Also don't discount the benefit of maybe talking with someone of a different sex this time round - once again therapy can proceed in different directions depending on the style, personality, and beliefs of the therapist - if you find one you click with you can achieve an enormous amount in a short space of time.

Btw - an interesting quote from eminent psychiatrist-turned-psychotherapist Scott Peck suggests that only sane people with immense self-awareness recognise the benefit of, and ultimately the need for, psychotherapy. The more you recognise its value the closer you are to growing once more.

lastly, I echo again what I said above. EVERYBODY could benefit from undergoing psychotherapy at some point in their lives, only those completely blind to their own consciousness would argue against this. There is no stigma attached anymore (well only from the grossly ignorant) and you WILL solve some (or all) of your issues. I can almost guarantee that. Don't be afraid. It is a big step and often requires immense bravery because you are in essense baring your inner self for examination, a step that the majority of people are absolutely terrifed to do, and a large percentage can, and will, never do. These people often are the ones most in need.

Take a chance man. You will not regret it.

LegacyUser

First and foremost I want all of you to know that you're helping me BIG time. I'm glad to hear that I shouldn't need to be ashamed to go for professional help. There has been a stigma alright associated with that kind of thing. I personally wouldn't judge anyone in need of such health. To me mental and physical health are just two reasons why we visit doctors. I personally haven't witnessed someone who feels ashamed about going to the doctor when they are physically ill. So why, when they are mentally ill. This is how I think, but I'm afraid of the other people who will think I'm weak. There have been plenty of times in my life when I've hit a bad patch, talked to people, it got out, and then all of a sudden I have people on the street making their own judgements about me that were completely rediculous. I just needed help, just like I do now. There are times when people think they are superior to the rest of us, and look down on people who have problems. I actually deal with people like that on a daily basis, and I suppose that's why I want to be so secretive.

I'm glad you've all told me that looking for that kind of help is OK, and that ye don't look upon me as being weak. When I last tried to commit suicide the doc in the hosptial that I reffered to said exactly what you (MojoMaker) said, regarding the lack of stigma being attached anymore.

One question though, and this actually really worried me before. I consider myself a normal guy, but with family problems, etc, that I find difficult to deal with. Difficult to the extent that I have already tried to kill myself twice. When in that doc's company in the hospital the last time it was in the psychiatric unit. This is where I was sent after I was treated by the poison unit (or whatever it was called). I thought it a little drastic to be sending me there. As I associated that place with people who were completely off the wall. Even when I was down there I was very cautious of the people who were around me walking the coridors because they seemed well (for the lack of better description) crazy. Here's the part that worried me. After my talk with the doctor he had to take my file to some head guy in the unit, to get him to sign my release. I mean I sat there thinking to myself, Jesus what if this head person thinks I'm nuts and tries to keep me in. It wasn't so much the feeling of being detained, it was more to do with me feeling like I was being treated like someone who could potentially be locked up for their own good.

You may laugh, but I assure you it did worry me. I felt like perhaps I had actually crossed a line in to insanity, and not noticed. It was a terrible feeling. But of course he came back a few moments later with the form signed, and off I went.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
I'm glad you've all told me that looking for that kind of help is OK, and that ye don't look upon me as being weak

seriously, that’s just a load of crap, anyone who thinks differently is an ignorant idiot who’s opinion should never be taken seriously, they're living back in the stone age. If your body is sick, none of us hesitate going to the doctor, your brain/mind can get sick too, there would be no reason for doctors in this area if they weren’t required! Not to mention that much of our brains/minds is still a mystery even to them! Start trusting yourself in how you see things, from your comments, it’s clear to me that you do have a head on your shoulders and you can see you need help, some people cannot even see that in themselves, even when it’s quite clear to the rest of us that they are in urgent need of help. Give yourself a clap on the back, recognising that you need help is half way there

Victor

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
First and foremost I want all of you to know that you're helping me BIG time. I'm glad to hear that I shouldn't need to be ashamed to go for professional help. There has been a stigma alright associated with that kind of thing. I personally wouldn't judge anyone in need of such health. To me mental and physical health are just two reasons why we visit doctors. I personally haven't witnessed someone who feels ashamed about going to the doctor when they are physically ill. So why, when they are mentally ill. This is how I think, but I'm afraid of the other people who will think I'm weak. There have been plenty of times in my life when I've hit a bad patch, talked to people, it got out, and then all of a sudden I have people on the street making their own judgements about me that were completely rediculous. I just needed help, just like I do now. There are times when people think they are superior to the rest of us, and look down on people who have problems. I actually deal with people like that on a daily basis, and I suppose that's why I want to be so secretive.

I think it's more a guy thing - we are brought up to think that being emotional or crying or whatever is for girls and that we must be "strong" lest our manly pride be brought into question. When guys have a problem they don't know how to deal with, all to often they bottle it up, only for the problem to become "bigger" (all to often in perception, not reality, but one colours and effects the other). To a degree, women have "tea and sympathy" with each other to get over lives trials and errors.

Having a physical medical problem is seen as "easy" - you can "blame" that broken leg on the fall from the tree or the cut from the kitchen knife or the infection from whatever. Having a mental illness, often has no reason that a man can admit too. All to often it's due to stress, bereavement or similar event where there is no physical harm to the patient. All to often, men then blame themselves as being "bad" or "not good enough" or "defectective".

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
After my talk with the doctor he had to take my file to some head guy in the unit, to get him to sign my release.

This is normal - the less senior doctor will review the case notes with the consultant or registrar before taking any action - this happens in any medical speciality.

LegacyUser

Hi Lonely guy
this is about my second time browsing around these boards - I noticed your thread and felt compelled to post a reply.

I've just been diagnosed with clinical depression - reading what you wrote initially was like reading exactly how I felt for the past 3/4 years. It got so bad in the autumn that I couldn't get out of bed nor leave my apartment for a few days at a time, I was crying at literally EVERYTHING and really felt that I couldn't go on anymore. I've also got a few suicide attempts under my belt and felt the urge to try again in October. It hit me that life shouldn't be about feeling this bad about everything. I got help and here I am 2.5 months later feeling absolutely fantastic. I got put on anti-depressants and am in weekly therapy sessions.

I was brought up in Ireland right before the celtic tiger, so I can totally relate to you in saying that you feel somewhat ashamed. **** it though man, you don't have to tell anyone your seeking help (I certainly don't, I only told my best friend last weekend because I couldn't avoid it in explaining something to her), anyway, nobody will judge and if they do, do you really care what a miscreant like that would say?

Please get some help for yourself, do what you need to do to get you out of the negative cycle. You're worth so much more than that.

Good Luck.

LegacyUser

I was just passing through these boards but your post, Lonely Guy, caught my eye and I couldn't not post.

Reading what you wrote was like looking at my own experience over the past 3/4 years. I too tried the suicide route a few times thankfully to no avail. Things got so bad back in September - I couldn't leave my apartment, was in tears or sobbing pretty much most of the time and generally felt like I couldn't go on because everything was so ****e. I realised that something mental was going on - life shouldn't be this hard. I got diagnosed with clinical depression. So I went on anti-depressants and am in weekly therapy sessions. In all honesty, I can't remember the last time i felt this good, I find myself looking forward to the future and am filled with an optimism I never knew I had (god bless those a,d's).

I grew up in Ireland and left right before the Celtic Tiger so I can totally relate to what you say about feeling somewhat ashamed - I felt like such a cretin that I couldn't cope with life and I felt extremely weak. What I'm told and I believe wholeheartedly is that depression is a chemical fault, not a character flaw. Also, you don't have to tell anyone you're in therapy. Only 3 people know about my condition - my therapist, perscribing doctor and I had to tell my best friend last weekend under duress.

Your brain just doesn't give you the happy juices like its supposed to. And anyway, why the hell should you care what some ignorant gob****e thinks? Trust me, as soon as you start talking to someone objective, you'll feel the load lighten and things won't seem so terrible anymore.

Please get some help for yourself and honestly I can't say enough good things about the meds I'm on - to be quite honest, I feel proud of myself for finally having done something about it. I think because I grew up in a society that put stigma on mental illness kept me from sorting it out sooner.

You're worth so much more than a whole lot of negativity. Please get some help. PLEASE.

Sleepy

LonelyGuy, I don't know if you're a reg here or not, but I've often found the net a great help, stick around. When you feel like venting, vent. Most of us are here through loneliness if we're honest with ourselves, well I am at least...

I come from a fecked up family too, but in reality, that's normal these days. I can only actually think of one family I know of that I'd like any family I'm ever a part of creating to be like. A few years ago, when things were going pretty badly at home for me I went down the drink like a fish and forget about it route. Not healty, instead of dealing with my problems I bottled (in both senses of the word). I thought that was the "strong" thing to do so I did it in an attempt to be the "strong" person I felt I had to be because I'm the eldest in my family. It took a very special friendship to effectively slap me back to conciousness in the end. Even now, though that friendship would appear to be long gone, it gives me hope. A week before I'd met that girl, I'd never have believed that I could believe in anything again. Now, I carry the thought that the next like her could be only around the corner. She could be reading these boards, in my office or sharing the next train I take. Life's unpredictable and therein lies it's beauty.

This is probably my longest post to date on these boards and to conclude I'd like to share a quote with you that was given to me by that girl. I don't know who wrote it but it gives me a little pinprick every time I read it:

"It is in the dew of simple things that the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed".

Suaimhneach

I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said advice wise.

But I hope you find some solace.

Also, I have a very very hurt friend who has a hard life. I've known her for years, and I will always be there for her. So my point is, although sometimes it is hard, both to see her pain and not to be able to do anything but listen, I do. It is repetitive and she can't really find her way out of the hole. But, I will be there for her when times are hardest, and I am sure your friends will be too. Like you siad they have done in the past. Trust in your friendship with them.

Paddy20

LonelyGuy,

I was reading the very descriptive post from ' Bored in Boston' . How generous of him to take the time to compose a straightforward and easy to understand account of his own personal experience.

I sincerely hope that his post helped you to realise that you are only human and subject to the same frailties both mentally and physically as the rest of us.

I have not read whether or not you have 'as yet' taken any positive steps, such as making an appointment with a Doctor. However, would you not agree that maybe the time has come for you to grab the bull by the horns and really tackle this issue sooner rather than later. Why not promise yourself that you will contact a GP first thing Monday, who knows you could be feeling a lot better a lot quicker than you think. Just take that first positive step, and hopefully from then on your life will take a turn for the better.

Whats to lose, and remember a lot of people on here have your best interests at heart. Keep posting on here and let those who care continue to try and help.

Good luck for now .

P.:ninja:

LegacyUser

Thanks again everyone, esp. Bored in Boston for sharing your first hand experience. I have to admit it is (and I can't stress this enough) really encouraging hearing that someone who has felt suicidal only a few months ago, feels fantastic today.

Some of you want to know if I'm actively doing anything, and my answer is that, I'm going to make an appointment with my college councellor on Monday. Some of you suggested my GP, but I have another story for you about that. About 2 years ago my family switched GP. The last one was female, and retired, so we moved on. She was a nice lady to deal with. This new guy I've always been quite intimidated by. Anytime I have to visit him I feel like he is judging me. The first time I went to see him, I was having ver bad migrane headaches and general sinus issues. While I was telling him what was wrong with me, he interupted me, and said "hang on second, I'm the doctor", meaning that he wasn't going to tolerate my self diagnosis in his company. On another occasion, he was listening to my chest using a stetascope. While I had my top pulled up he had the scope on my back. Every time he asked me to breath in and out, I couldn't help but shake, like someone who was really nervous about being touched. To be quite honest, I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't control the quiver in my breathing while he touched my back. He picked up on this, and stopped. Then the session turned to "How I was feeling, and was there anything I wanted to talk about". At the time, there wasn't. Or at that point in time I hadn't planned on saying anything, so I didn't. I just didn't feel comfortable talking to my GP, and I still don't. Anyway I don't have a medical card, and can't afford to visit my GP, unless I really need to. I see the councellor in this college as an option that I haven't explored yet. It's a free service, and I've nothing to lose....well this is the way I see it anyway.

The last time I tried to commit suicide the doc in the hospital recommended that I take anti-depressant medication. I told him straight out that I didn't want them, but at the same time I was curious as to how they worked. He went on to explain the whole seratonin thing, most of which I can't actually remember.

But right now, I wouldn't actually say NO, to them. But another thing though is that I probably couldn't afford them. Some of you may be thinking "christ he hasn't got a medical card, surely he can afford it". The straight answer is that I cannot. My family had a medical card, then the family situation changed (financially better), I lost the card, but I'm still a student. I work part time, but the money is just about enough to get me by, without paying medical fees. I am keeping my problems secret from people at home, for reason that I'm sure I've already explained (if not, they are very complex, and I really don't want to get in to them, otherwise I'll turn this in to a book). So with that in mind, I cannot ask them for assistance when applying for medical care.

One question about the pills though....
If depression is due to a chemical imbalance, are the pills a temporary sollution, or do they fix it. I mean will they only work while I'm taking them, or can I take them, come off them, and not need to take them again?

I'm sure some of you will have noticed, for once I'm trying to create options for myself. Before I felt I had nowhere to turn. I assure you and I want all of you to feel proud, that one of the best moves I've made so far is coming in here to talk to ye guys.

Thank you very much

Paddy20

LonelyGuy,

Sorry to read that your GP is a bit of a premadonna. Unfortunately, it is a very common part of the medical Profession, particularly amongst the older Doctors [from the old school].

However, you do not have to deal with a Doctor who has a bad manner towards patients. Especially, if you are having to pay!, you can choose a Doctor that you get along with. If we do not have a close comfortable un-intimidating GP, then that only exacerbates our health issues.

I am concerned that you say you can not afford to attend a Doctor, and that you are concerned about the cost of medication. Thats fair enough, but we live in
a country where if you can not afford medical costs. Then they will in most cases be paid for you. Just because your family lost their Medical Card doe's not mean that you should suffer!, because of a lack of funds !.

All Health Boards have Community Welfare Officers [CWO's] who have the discretion to give you various grants or Exceptional needs payments when needed, and it sounds to me that you should talk to one asap. They usually hold weekly clinics once a week in every area.

Apart from them there is also your local Free 'Citizens Information Centre' [CIC] who are worth making an appointment with, as you would probably be surprised at how many different financial help schemes exist, to which you personally may well be entitled . You know the saying; " If you do not ask, you will not receive ". They will confidentially discuss all your circumstances, and they will then advise you if you are receiving all the financial and medical help to which you may well be entitled. If not then it is their responsibility/mandate to help you get your full entitlements. No one should suffer in this country. If you need help, medical, financial or otherwise you are entitled to it free if you can not afford to pay. Or paying will cause you undue hardship!. For a start you can check the [CIC] out by clicking on the following links:-

1; www.citizensinfo.ie/

2; www.oasis.gov.ie/

3; www.mabs.ie/

Try checking those sites out and claim benefits. Personally I believe you are missing out simply because no one has ever fully explained or helped you get all the help available to you.

As for the Anti-Depressant medication. I had to look after my Mother who suffered from a life-long depressive illness called Manic Depression. Believe me when she was finally prescribed the correct medication for her chemical imbalance, the differance was nothing short of miraculous. So imho A.D's are a Godsend when you find the one that works for your particular type of depression, this in my experience can take some time, but is well worth the effort and frustration involved.

I sincerely hope the above helps and encourages you to seek out the help that you as a citizen are entitled too.

Good luck & keep posting.

P.:ninja:

Victor

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
Some of you want to know if I'm actively doing anything, and my answer is that, I'm going to make an appointment with my college councellor on Monday. Some of you suggested my GP, but I have another story for you about that. About 2 years ago my family switched GP.

Ask the councellor if there is a college GP - they often provide a very cheap service.

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
On another occasion, he was listening to my chest using a stetascope. While I had my top pulled up he had the scope on my back. Every time he asked me to breath in and out, I couldn't help but shake, like someone who was really nervous about being touched. To be quite honest, I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't control the quiver in my breathing while he touched my back. He picked up on this, and stopped. Then the session turned to "How I was feeling, and was there anything I wanted to talk about". At the time, there wasn't. Or at that point in time I hadn't planned on saying anything, so I didn't.

It would appear he's not completely useless then indofar as he was able to pick up that something was wrong, but you weren't able to articulate it. Do you know yet why you were uncomfortable with him / the stetescope touching you?

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
But right now, I wouldn't actually say NO, to them. But another thing though is that I probably couldn't afford them.

As best I knwo there is a scheme in place similar to the Long-term Illness Scheme for such situations, you may not have to pay anything. Also medical expenses over about €250 per year are tax-deductable.

Originally posted by LonelyGuy
One question about the pills though.... If depression is due to a chemical imbalance, are the pills a temporary sollution, or do they fix it. I mean will they only work while I'm taking them, or can I take them, come off them, and not need to take them again?

ADs give you the breathing space in which to improve your life. You should be wary of taking any medication for an extended period, unless there is good reason to.

Paddy20

LonelyGuy,

Another - Award winning - not for profit website that could prove very helpful to you is:- www.irishhealth.com/


They are very professional and free. They even have an 'Ask the Doctor' service, where the Doctor will e-mail you his opinion about your own problem. They have about 50,000 members, which is some achievement and gives an insight into how many people in Ireland have genuine health worries.

They are constantly in the media campaigning for better and more easily accessible Health services for all.

The forums and message boards cover just about every type of human malaise/illness imaginable and you can look up case histories that people have posted. Such as Depression.

I personally have found it of immense help when looking for information on drugs/medications or health problems.

P.:ninja:

jd

try here too..
http://www.theblackdog.net/