RAW - December 1st 2003 - Contains Spoilers

NeroTheExtreme

Taken from the God that is Scott Keith:
Nero
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- Opening interview: Goldberg wants Kane & HHH RIGHT NOW. That trick never works. And indeed, Uncle Eric answers instead of the heels, threatening to fire him if he steps out of line. And it’s not even RAW, it’s the Bischoff Show. Ain’t that the truth. He blusters until you just know a babyface is gonna put him in his place, and that one proves to be Mick Foley (in a suit). The hair is growing back nicely, too. Apparently Linda has hired Mick as a consultant who can make changes. Oh, great, another figurehead with vagely defined powers. So tonight it’s a six-man main event. Further, he has a petition to bring Steve Austin back to RAW. Hey, he should start an online petition! Everyone loves those! Oh, and Foley is the new Commissioner…er…Co-GM. We don’t need more non-wrestling figureheads – we’ve already got Linda, Vince, Eric, Austin, Foley, Heyman and Stephanie all floating around.

- RAW tag titles: The Dudley Boyz v. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak. The challengers no longer have matching tights. Could it be TROUBLE? Cade locks up with Bubba to start and gives him a clean break, but Bubba punches him in the gut. Geez, who pissed in his cornflakes? Bubba misses a charge and Jindrak comes in, but the Dudleyz work him over and D-Von clotheslines him for two. Suplex gets two. Jindrak comes back with a lariat and Cade comes in, but gets caught in the corner and powerslammed by D-Von, which gets two. D-Von misses a charge and Cade gets two. D-Von pounds him and gets his own rollup for the pin, with the tights, at 2:10. All that buildup for a 2 minute job? *1/2 Cade protests and calls for a replay, but they production guys double-cross him and show his own cheating before D-Von’s. So they demand a rematch, which I guess is a heel turn.

- Meanwhile, Snow stands up for Jade and Cindrak, whoever they are, and does a meet-and-greet with Foley. And he’s a caring guy, so he gives Coach & Snow another shot at the announcing job, but it’s a singles match between Coach & King, and if Coach loses, he’s fired. RACISM! I’d call Johnnie Cochrane right now if I was him.

- Booker T v. Test. Booker attacks to start and punches away in the corner, but Test hotshots him and stomps away. Test goes to a bearhug, which Booker fights out of, and gets his clotheslines to make the comeback. Bicycle kick gets two. He misses a charge and Test pumphandles him, but Booker escapes and goes for the axe kick, which misses. Another pumphandle (and a blown one) gets two. Stacy distracts him with a slap, and the axe kick finishes at 2:28. Nothing special. ¾* Booker offers us a Stacy-rooni, which is nothing but a cheap attempt to show her panties. Not that I’m COMPLAINING. Sadly, the Mark Henry push continues afterwards, as he attacks Booker and lays him out to no reaction.

- Meanwhile, Lita & Trish have some girl talk, and Trish shows her ****-me Canadian jersey. Okay, so we have weird ideas of sexy clothes here in Canada…it’s COLD, dammit!

- Steiner & Test bring out Stacy for a dressing down. I haven’t watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in a few weeks, but I’m pretty sure chainmail and blue jeans don’t go together. Anyway, Steiner & Test decide to form their own Kiss My Ass club and drop trou, which I did NOT need to see, but thankfully Mick Foley interrupts and rescues her by firing Test. Steiner protests, so Foley fires him too. Well, I guess Smackdown needed another couple of tall muscular stiffs on the heel side.

- Meanwhile, Steiner & Test gripe to Eric.

- Val Venis & Lance Storm v. La Resistance. It’s the battle of tag teams who lost the tag titles without ever winning them. Dupree lays out Val to start but misses a charge, then recovers with a dropkick for two. Conway comes in with an elbow into a Dupree dropkick that gets two. Conway back elbow gets two. Conway whips Val around and grabs a chinlock, but Val fights out of it and comes back with an uranage. Storm makes the lukewarm tag as Foley on color sucks up to the heels, and he hits Conway with a rolling fireman’s carry for two. He rolls into the half-crab, but Dupree tosses him to break it up. Val tosses Dupree, and the faces finish with a Hart Attack at 2:52. Nice touch. Dull match. * Foley gets on the mike afterwards and offers La Resistance forgiveness from the country if they’ll say the Pledge of Allegiance. Now why would Dupree possibly want to do that? He’s FRENCH. Foley fires them anyway. If you came to Canada and made the US wrestlers sing our national anthem, they’d all get fired, too. These guys would have a slam-dunk lawsuit for wrongful dismissal.

- Chris Jericho & Trish Stratus v. Rico & Jackie. Jericho goes after a very rude Rico to start and chops him in the corner, but Rico goes to the eyes and pounds him down. Clothesline and back kick get two. Jericho comes back with a hiptoss and a rollup into the Walls, but Rico makes the ropes. Jericho dropkicks him off the apron, but Rico uses his kick fu to come back, only to get laid out with a clothesline. The chicks tag in and Trish gets a bodypress and throws some forearms (See that, Lita? FOREARMS) and a clothesline gets two. Jackie blocks a suplex and the heels double-team her with a suplex that gets two. Jackie gets a weird neckbreaker for two. Mucho choko follows. Jackie puts her in a dragon sleeper, but Trish reverses to a rollup for two. Jackie lays her out again with a clothesline and a forearm. Trish makes the comeback with a spinebuster, drawing HUGE face heat for the hot tag to Jericho, and he overpowers Rico and gets an enzuigiri for two. Chops in the corner, but Rico comes back with a kick combo in the corner and goes up. Jericho catches him with a shot coming down and bulldogs him to setup the Lionsault, which misses as usual. Rico gets tossed and Jericho follows with a pescado, while Trish brings Jackie in with the handstand rana. Trishdog finishes at 6:44. Jericho and Trish make a great team, in more ways than one, and this was tons of fun. I’m shocked Trish was able to pull that much out of Jackie. ***


- Matt Hardy v. Christian. Matt’s new entrance is cut off by TSN, as we only get one Matt Fact: He’s more handsome than Christian. Well, that’s a matter of opinion more than fact, but I defer to the expert on the subject. Matt pounds on Christian to start and they slug it out, and Christian suplexes him on the top rope and sends him into the railing. Back in, Christian necksnaps Matt on the top rope for two. He chokes away in the corner, but Matt sends him into the turnbuckle and then posts him. Matt pounds on him to set up a gutwrench that gets two. Matt punts him in the ribs a few times to set up an abdominal stretch, but Christian fights out of it and they fight up to the top. Matt sends him down for a yodeling legdrop, which gets two. Matt surfboards him and Christian fights out of it and blocks the Twist of Fate, but walks into a Side Effect. That gets two. He makes the mistake of going after Lita, and Christian makes his comeback, but Matt sends him into 619 position. He misses a charge and crotches himself, and Christian comes back with an atomic drop and gutbuster for two. Eyepoke and inverted DDT gets two. JR again calls it the Unprettier. Unprettier attempt, but Molly Holly destroys Lita, and Matt rolls him up for the pin at 6:29. Okay, that’s two fluke rollup finishes, we’ve met our quota for tonight. Really good match up until the weak finish. **3/4

- Coach v. Jerry Lawler. King slugs him down to start and gets a back suplex (aka the Kauffman Killer) to set up a fistdrop, which gets the pin at 0:54. And so Coach is gone. DUD

- Meanwhile, Jericho & Christian reveal that they’re just competing to see who can score first. Trish of course hears it all. Wow, it’s stolen from the plot of every bad romantic comedy in the past 20 years. And it’s another case where we’re supposed to buy that the two scheming heels don’t see the cameraman who’s standing right there. I hope this isn’t where they planned to go with this all along, because they could have done something really cool and special, rather than just once again making Jericho & Christian into the scummy heels. If this was the payoff, it’s a really depressing one and I’m really disappointed in them for getting my hopes up like that. It’s not even the way the storyline went as much as it was the silly way it was handled.

- Kane, Randy Orton & Batista v. Goldberg, Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam. RVD legsweeps Orton to start and they reverse off a go-behind, and Orton pounds away in the corner, but RVD gets a high cross out of the corner and armdrags him a few times. Standing moonsault gets two. RVD seems less lethargic than usual tonight. Spinkick and he goes up, but Orton takes a powder, so Rob flattens him with a crossbody to the floor anyway. Back in, Batista pops in with a clothesline to level him, and he works him over in the corner with knees. Rob fights back with a mule kick and brings in Shawn, who forearms Batista down and goes up with the flying elbow. Superkick is interrupted by Mr. DVD (note to readers: When Highspots mails it to me, I’ll review it, so stop bugging me about it, ‘kay?), allowing Kane to chokeslam him. And we take a break. We return with Shawn getting creamed by the heels in the corner. Batista chokes him out, but Shawn goes low to escape, and everyone is out. Hot tag Goldberg, and he cleans house and presses Orton out of the ring. Kane tags himself in and they slug it out, which Goldberg wins, but he runs into a boot. Goldberg comes back with the spear, but Evolution breaks up the jackhammer, and it’s BONZO GONZO. RVD finishes Orton with Rolling Thunder, but Flair pulls out the ref at two. Rob goes up top with the frog splash, but there’s no ref, so Mick Foley runs in to count the pin at 13:51. He’s a ref now too? Match was the usual cookie-cutter six-man. **

smiaras

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Gillie

Are all the Fired guys heading to SD?
If so will ppl from sd be coming to Raw?

smiaras

This post has been deleted.

irishman_abroad

At the end Bishoff comes out and Foley tells him that he wont actually sign off on the people he fired he just did it to show bishoff how he was behaving... greed yadda yadda. So no one was actually fired that night