jealousy help

Pinkchick03

Can anyone give me any tips on how to overcome jealousy!!??

I've been going out with my man for a good while now and the more time we're goin out the more i feel jealous of him spending time with other girls from his classmates, to his fellow "girl friends" or his co-workers!!

I feel a pain in my stomach when he tells me he's with girls and the fact is that I do trust him and have no reason not to trust him because he has always been faithful to me!! help!!

Any advice would be much appreciated!:D

Mossy Monk

i think you are worrying over nothing

he gets on with his female classmates. nothing sinister

quank

should this not be in personal issues?

anywho, i would have nothing to worry about, unless hes a ride:rolleyes: only joking!:)

i suggest you hire a secret detective
sammy, private eye

xx

Originally posted by Pinkchick03
Can anyone give me any tips on how to overcome jealousy!!??

I've been going out with my man for a good while now and the more time we're goin out the more i feel jealous of him spending time with other girls from his classmates, to his fellow "girl friends" or his co-workers!!

I feel a pain in my stomach when he tells me he's with girls and the fact is that I do trust him and have no reason not to trust him because he has always been faithful to me!! help!!

Any advice would be much appreciated!:D

Whatever you do, don't stalk the guy. That'll really pi$$ him off

Space Coyote

Dear Pinkchick03, the best thing you can do, if you're out with your man and his female friends is to make sure that you keep his attention. Don't hide behind your drink in the corner when they're surrounding him in pack-of-wolves mode. Don't let them flirt with him too much if that's what they're doing. And throwing yourself at him now and again just to let them know who's the boss can't hurt either. I'm a bloke so god knows how I came up with all that advice !

I'll follow him for 50€ an hour


lets face it, you're probably not jealous for no reason at all. Chances are that he's up to something :ninja:

woosaysdan

Originally posted by xx
Whatever you do, don't stalk the guy. That'll really pi$$ him off

its only stalking if you get caught:D

hedgetrimmer

Should be in Personal Issues.

If you have been going out with him for quite a while, is this jealousy a recent development? Or has it always been there?


If it is recent, then what happened to kick it off? Is there any guilt coming from you or him to instigate such an emotion (guilt and jealousy are often closely linked)

sceptre

What do you mean by "fellow" girl friends?

Oh yeah, if he's always been faithful, he probably sees girls as people rather than opportunities

xx

Originally posted by woosaysdan
its only stalking if you get caught:D

What is it if you don't get caught? Terminal coincidence

The_Goose

Originally posted by utility_

lets face it, you're probably not jealous for no reason at all. Chances are that he's up to something :ninja:

thats just stupid

you just feel jealous cause you really like him and are afraid of losing him!!!!

try talkin to him(dont go syco and demand he never see them again) just tell him how you feel and see how things go!

Venom

Originally posted by sceptre
What do you mean by "fellow" girl friends?

Oh yeah, if he's always been faithful, he probably sees girls as people rather than opportunities

Probably.

elexes

if he probably knows u feel this way . he probabyl even plays on it a lil to get a bit more attention from you . they are his friends and u should realise that some girls see friends as friends and once they have a gf wouldnt tuch him with a bargepole in any other way becides friendship. but as the others said dont stay away from him while hes talking to them . and dont try and hang out of him . talk to his friends . u never know u could end up liking them ..


o ye and move it into the personal issues board

bean

No worries, if the guy did not want to be around you and have you why would he see someone behind your back; he would have decided to break up long ago.

Typedef

The best advice is to not ask a load of internet virgins for relationship advice.

Just as one would not ask, how a dog with no nose smells.

Typedef

Originally posted by Pinkchick03
I've been going out with my man for a good while now and the more time we're goin out the more i feel jealous of him spending time with other girls from his classmates, to his fellow "girl friends" or his co-workers!!

Then again, when one speaks Freudianly, there is no such thing as things being as simple as they appear.

These so called friends of his, are in fact potential sexual partners, waiting in the wings.

Don't let that stop you from the whole "I'm cleaning my head of jealously buzz", you go with that girl.

star gazer

originally posted by typedef
Then again, when one speaks Freudianly, there is no such thing as things being as simple as they appear. These so called friends of his, are in fact potential sexual partners, waiting in the wings.Don't let that stop you from the whole "I'm cleaning my head of jealously buzz", you go with that girl.

Covering all the bases? Now if that doesn't send an ambiguous message...

Figure out if it is insecurity on your part within yourself or hints in the way he speaks of his female friends and acts around them. If it's insecurity then sort out your own issues, if it's genuine suspiscions then talk to him about how you feel in a very passive and non-accusatorial way.
unhappy with that follow typedef's first piece of advice, don't listen to the boards' virgins .

Doodee

Originally posted by star gazer
Covering all the bases? Now if that doesn't send an ambiguous message...

Figure out if it is insecurity on your part within yourself or hints in the way he speaks of his female friends and acts around them. If it's insecurity then sort out your own issues, if it's genuine suspiscions then talk to him about how you feel in a very passive and non-accusatorial way.

This is more than likely why you feel jealous. You are probably insecure about yourself and feel that if it was indeed you in teh same situations, u may enjoy the attention due to your insecurity.

As was said, you boyfriend can react in 2 ways if you tell him how you feel, its all down to his character.
He will either
1. Use it to his advantage to gain more attention from you by flirting even more with his friends (which has potential to backfire)
or 2. Respect your feels and more than likely not tell you when he is out with female friends/just avoid the topic in conversations.

2 does sound bad but it isn't something that he is hiding, more of avoiding causing you more grief.

best thing to do is just spend a very long time with him and try get your confidence back in yourself. Do remember, he is with you for good reasons

Cake Fiend

Originally posted by Typedef
The best advice is to not ask a load of internet virgins for relationship advice.

The ironing is delicious!

qwertyphobia

On the whole insecurity thing.

If it is your insecurity that is behind this (and I don't know if it is) it's probably not as straight forward as feeling insecure about the level of attention he is getting or what he may do?

If you want to deal with these feelings and challenge them you have got to follow them back to their root and then deal with the underling beliefs you may have about yourself.


For example one possible sineario could be

I am jealous of my boyfriend when he is chatting to his female friends
Why?
Because I am afraid he may have sex with one of them
Why?
why would he stay with me when he can have them
Why?
Because they are better then me

If this was the case you would need to work on your self-esteam and self-worth and that would be how you deal with feeling jealous.


Not saying that is the reason why you are feeling jealous just giving it as an example of how you could maybe work backwards through whatever your thoughts are and get to the core beliefs that are under pinning thoes feelings. It's from working to replace them to more netural or positive core beliefs that you will find the expression of feeling of jealous change

liz2000

take it from me pinkchic, i am exaclty the same, also insanely jealous and see all other females (almost all ) as potential threats, it sucks, it really does and yet i get such a buz out of checkin his text messages, god i am sad, well then again, i understand my issue, 2 of my best friends in the past slept with my x and that totally ****ed me over, also i dont have the best esteem in the world and im too trusting of people in genreal, always thinkin that i am fault, so its my own faulty logic and insecurities that eat at me and the way i deal with that is to feed my jealousy issues with it, i spurn them on, even get weird revenge fantasies sometimes, (if she went with my guy, i would do this to her,,,,,,) i wont finish that actually , anyway dont let it get u down, you are not alone

I am MAN

I was like that but when i went on a course of anti-depressants it dissapeared so i linked it with depression.

I think qwertyphobia made a point.

yossarin

Originally posted by Typedef
Just as one would not ask, how a dog with no nose smells.

terrible ?

/I regret nothing...

ButcherOfNog

Your problem is that you don't trust him, and theres always a reason behind this and its prolly in your own head. You either think that in some way hes not happy with you or that in some way you ain't enough for him. Do you have a poor image of yourself, are you low on confidence, do you suffer from depression? You need to sort your own head out, otherwise the relationship is gonna fail. Who knows, after you do work out whats wrong with yourself, you may realize that hes not the person for you after all.

malico

PinkChick03..Are you my girlfriend!

I have the same problem, ad its tearing our relationship apart. My advice try to get over it or you will lose him. Fact

ur mentor

you cant change how you feel
all you can do is talk to guy and try to get him to understand how you feel
if you are lucky he will and try to change his behaviour
otherwise what can you do?
try to live with it and get torn up inside
hope time and longevity with him will allow you to get used to it and have experience enogh to trust he will come back to you alone?
become more confidant in your own self image that you know you are the best thing that ever happened to him and he couldn't possibly go with anyone else. and if he did its his loss not yours.
there is no easy way around jealousy- thats why its green and one of hte seven deadlies.
be yourself sont compromise it will work out for the best

tbh

Its been said before pinkchick, but the way you should be looking at it is:
Why would he want to be with one of those girls when he's got me?
If you can think of answers to that question, jealousy isn't your problem, low self-esteem is.
for a while I was going out with girls that I felt I *should* be with, rather than girls I wanted to be with. I then spent a year on my own, decided that being on my own was a perfectly good way to be, and then instantly met and fell in love with the girl of my dreams!

caimin

Dr Pepper

Hi 'pinkchick',

I have the same problem for many years! I know it is a major problem and it can grow to dictate your whole mood (and life) It has ****ed up the 2 best relationships I have ever had (the only 2 of importance!).

Please don't try to change the way you act or even worse, the way your bf does!!! This will not work. I promise you.. If he is soft, he will continue to change and make sacrifices for you and it will never be enough (the more you get, the more you'll need - until he feels trapped and the whole thing will blow up in your face(s)). The jealousy feeds itself. The more you feel it the stronger it gets until it will sicken you and drive you crazy (literally).

Someone said you can't change what you think but I believe you can! You have to stop yourself every time you get these insane thoughts. Put it out of your mind and force yourself to think about it rationally (He's with me cause he loves me, they're only friends etc.). This is very difficult to do at first but you will eventually become conditioned to think in this way (like giving up smoking - changing your thinking patterns to get out of the habit is the only way to quit).

Gotta run for train but just remember that this problem exist only in YOUR head. It is not your bf's or his friends that are 'wrong'. You need to bang it on the head now cause it WILL grow.

GOOD LUCK - Let me know if u need any help cause I've been there and I could go on about this for days

B

Pinkchick03

Cheers a million i will try taking your advice! I'll let you knowxxx

po0k

Some women love to go after guys who are allready involved, kind of an ego-trip / challenge mechanism I guess.
Watch them like hawks, and stake your territory, make sure you're sitting beside him or across from him when ye're out, and keep rubbing his thigh/discretely grabbing his ass or giving it a playful pat if he gets up for drinks.
Make sure you let them know (in a non directly aggressive way) that you'll claw their eyes out if they make a move.

it's the way of nature.

The Second

if the guy did not want to be around you and have you why would he see someone behind your back; he would have decided to break up long ago.

bean .. not everyone is as sincere as you.

The best advice is to not ask a load of internet virgins for relationship advice

I would agree with that .. as I have had previously bad advised from boards.. you should trust your own instinct.. but then again .. we aren't all Typedef.. so ...

*I'm Joking*

... do you normally feel this way in relationships? ... do you feel he is better than your previous boyfriends? ... if you don't normally feel this way and you think he is better.. it could be a confidence thing... but if you normally feel this way.. just try to wade it out... if you don't normally feel jealous and you don't think he is better .. I'd kick him to the kirb and trust yer instincts...

Pinkchick03

qwertyphobia wrote:

On the whole insecurity thing.

If it is your insecurity that is behind this (and I don't know if it is) it's probably not as straight forward as feeling insecure about the level of attention he is getting or what he may do?

If you want to deal with these feelings and challenge them you have got to follow them back to their root and then deal with the underling beliefs you may have about yourself.


For example one possible sineario could be

I am jealous of my boyfriend when he is chatting to his female friends
Why?
Because I am afraid he may have sex with one of them
Why?
why would he stay with me when he can have them
Why?
Because they are better then me

If this was the case you would need to work on your self-esteam and self-worth and that would be how you deal with feeling jealous.


Not saying that is the reason why you are feeling jealous just giving it as an example of how you could maybe work backwards through whatever your thoughts are and get to the core beliefs that are under pinning thoes feelings. It's from working to replace them to more netural or positive core beliefs that you will find the expression of feeling of jealous change

Thanks a million for the advice!

To everyone - thank you so so much for all your kind words and advice!

We have spoken about the jealousy thing to death and he has told me I have nothing to be jealous about that He loves me and doesn't want anyone else and why would he be with me if he didn't love me! So sweet!

So anyway thanks a million everyone! Going to read over all the posts again anyway! some very clever/intuitive perls of wisdom!

Pinkchick03

malico wrote:

PinkChick03..Are you my girlfriend!

I have the same problem, ad its tearing our relationship apart. My advice try to get over it or you will lose him. Fact

Nope I'm not your girlfriend!! he he! Unless ur girlfriend is in Budapest at the minute? Hope you work it out! we are ok now! Cheers!

Walls

Kill him, then he'll never leave.


Just a thought.

jesus_thats_gre

Just lop off his penis, that way no one can have him!!

clnfrllookalike

Why are you jealous of other girls being around him?
In your relationship do you consider him to be the better looking/more popular/more desireable?
Dont feel angry towards him. He will eventually look elsewhere if that is what you expect him to do.

I take it all back. Sorry bout that x x x
Hope you can forgive me.

Sleepy

I'd have thought the solution to this was simple: make friends with these girls. That way everyone gains: you can then trust them more around your boyfriend (as you say, you trust him, it would seem to me that it's the girls you don't trust), your boyfriend gets an easier life, you'll all enjoy yourselves more on nights out and you make some new friends, which is always a good thing.

Going Demented

Some women love to go after guys who are allready involved, kind of an ego-trip / challenge mechanism I guess.
Watch them like hawks, and stake your territory, make sure you're sitting beside him or across from him when ye're out, and keep rubbing his thigh/discretely grabbing his ass or giving it a playful pat if he gets up for drinks.
Make sure you let them know (in a non directly aggressive way) that you'll claw their eyes out if they make a move.

it's the way of nature.

God no! My sister-in-law does that to my brother when they are out and it drives me mad even watching it. Fair play they can do what they want but it just makes her look like a jealous looney. She wraps her hands around his leg as he sits there. :rolleyes:

I am not a really jealous person so i don't know how your feeling. I dont like jealousy and any sign of it is a big warning sign for me. Me and my other half go out socialising seperately and meet up at the end of the night. He has his own circle of friends and i have mine, plus the ones we have that are the same. I think if i was ever jealous with him he would kick me into gear fairly lively. Learn to trust your guy, maybe then the jealousy will subside a little bit, otherwise it is going to drive you mad and drive you apart eventually. Good luck