(s)hit happens...

Hecate · 20-10-1999 5:30pm #1

Lighten up and enjoy

(censor cuts it to bits but you get the idea

**** Happens in various World Religious

Taoism:
**** happens.
If you can ****, it isn't ****.
**** happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna:
**** Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our ****.
Confucianism:
Confucious say, "**** happens".
Confucious says, "If **** has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
Buddhism:
If **** happens, it isn't really ****.
If **** happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
**** will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for **** will have salvation.
Zen:
What is the sound of **** happening?
7th Day Adventism:
**** happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism:
I've seen this **** happening before.
This **** is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This **** happening IS you.
Protestantism:
If **** happens, it happens to someone else.
If **** happens, praise the lord for it!
Presbyterianism:
This **** was bound to happen.
Calvinism:
**** happens because you don't work hard enough.
Episcopalianism:
If **** happens, hold a procession.
It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist:
It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Lutheranism:
**** happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Have faith that **** will happen.
If **** happens, don't talk about it.
Anglicanism:
It's true, **** does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Quakers:
Let us not fight over this ****.
Catholicism:
If **** happens, you deserved it.
You were born ****, you are ****, and you will die ****.
Charismatic Catholicism:
**** is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism:
Why does **** always happen just before closing the deal?
Conservative Judaism:
Why does **** always happen to US?
Reform Judaism:
Got any laxatives?
**** happens to whom it may concern.
Orthodox Judaism:
So **** happens, already!
Islam:
We don't take any ****.
Sunni Islam:
If it happens to be ****, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!
Shiite happens.
Shi'ite Islam:
WE WILL DESTROY YOUR ****!
If **** happens, take a hostage.
Nation of Islam:
Don't take no ****!
New Age:
That's not ****, it's feldspar.
A firm **** does not happen to me.
This isn't **** if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own ****.
If **** happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
Were all part of the same ****.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner ****.
Wicca:
If **** happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes **** happen.
An it harm none, let **** happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses:
No **** happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good ****.
Knock Knock, "**** Happens."
Here, we insist you take our ****.
**** happens door to door.
Open the door and I'll show you what **** is.
Good Morning, I have some **** for you to read.
Secular Humanism:
**** evolves.
Darwinism:
Survival of the ****tiest.
This **** was once food.
Creationism:
... And the Lord said "Let there be ****" ... and there came piles of it. After six days of this ****, He rested.
Christian Science:
When **** happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
**** doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our **** will take care of itself.
**** happens in your mind.
Atheism:
I don't believe this ****!
**** doesn't happen. **** is dead.
No ****!
It looks and smells like ****, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
Religion from an Atheist's point of view:
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's ****.
Agnosticism:
It looks and smells like ****, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its **** or not.
What is this ****?!
I don't know ****!
How can we KNOW if **** happens?
You can't prove any of this ****!
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this ****!
Hey, this is good ****, mon.
Mormonism:
If **** happens, shun it.
Let the **** multiply.
Excrement happens. (you can't say '****' in Utah)
Hey, there's more **** happening over here!
God sent us this ****.
**** happens again & again & again ...
Energizer Bunny:
**** happens and happens and happens and ...
Baptist:
You are ****ting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the **** right off you.
Southern Baptist:
**** will happen. Praise the lord!
Shiite Baptist:
**** will happen, but only the way we say it will happen and if it doesn't happen we will make it happen because that's God's will and we know it...
Iraqi Baathist:
Oh ****!
Voodoo:
**** doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this ****!
This ****'s gonna get you!
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this **** stop happening...
Congregationalism:
**** that happens to one person is just as good as **** that happens to another.
Unitarianism:
**** that happens to one person is just as bad as **** that happens to another.
What is this ****?
We affirm the right for **** to happen.
Go ahead, **** anywhere you want.
It's not the **** that matters. It's the process.
Come let us reason together about this ****.
Orthodox:
St. Sergius found his faith in deep ****.
Greek Orthodox:
**** happens, usually in threes.
EST:
I am at cause that **** will not happen.
You're responsible for all the **** that happens.
Fundamentalism:
There's no **** in the Bible.
If **** happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
**** happens, but don't publish it.
Twelve Step:
**** happens one day at a time.
Amish:
**** is good for the soil.
This modern **** is worthless.
Native Americans:
**** is sacred when it happens.
Shintoism:
You inherit the **** of your ancestors.
Sushi happens.
Moonies:
Only happy **** really happens.
Stoicism:
This **** happening is good for me.
Zoroastrianism:
**** happens half the time.
Christianity stole half its **** from us.
Bahaism:
Why do you keep ****ting on us?
**** happens universally.
Mysticism:
This is really weird ****.
Paganism:
**** happens for a variety of reasons.
Rajhneesh:
Give us your **** and put on this orange ****.
Rosicrucianism:
What is this AMORC ****?
Satanism:
We hope bad **** happens to all of you.
We will make your **** happen.
SNEPPAH TIHS.
Witchcraft:
Mix this **** together and it will happen!
Scientology:
All this happens to be ****.
If you leave us, bad **** will happen to you.
This **** happened before, but we can clean it up if you pay us enough.
Feminism:
This **** happened before, and WE won't clean it up!
Shamanism:
Whoaa...Holy ****!
Sikhism:
Leave our **** alone.
Moilanenism:
Smells like **** of finnish fish.
Sureshism:
You are all pieces of ****.
Lubavitcher Hassidism:
Blessed are they upon whom He sends His most holy **** to happen.
Mithraism:
Bull **** happens.
Branch Davidianism:
May **** happen to the FBI!
If **** happens, have a BIG barbecue...
David thinks he's hot ****.
Jesuitism:
If **** happens and nobody hears it, did it really make a sound?
Divorcism:
She's full of ****!
He's fooling around with some worthless piece of ****.
Creation Science:
**** has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Discordianism:
**** makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
Kibology:
What's ****, and where can I get some?
Spam:
Spam happens.
SubGenius:
**** has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
Dianetics:
"Why does **** happen?" (p. 157)

[This message has been edited by Hecate (edited 20-10-99).]