Platypus are dangerous!

Paladin

Every now and then, I write a short story. Some of them Ive put on the literature boards. This one is a tad different (starts like one i did b4, but is very different).
Anyway, read on (the whole thing! The end is scary )

STACK OVERFLOW

Sean pinned David up against the wall. Sean was big for his age. Very big. Broad shouldered, athletic and muscular, he stood a head over the next biggest 16-year-old in the school. He had short curly black hair, with a freckled slightly pudgy face, always wearing a taunting, arrogant expression. Nobody liked him.
David had been his chief target for bullying. Not the smallest in the year, David had a thin sinewy frame, and was of average height. A quiet, submissive boy, who kept mostly to himself. This is what attracted Sean's attention in the first place. Anyone who isn't vocal and loud is a target. David had never fought back. It would be pointless. He was no match physically for Sean who had many times shown that his temper was something to be reckoned with.
Today however, something was different. I saw it in his eyes. Gone was the fear and nervousness. I saw a new steel embody itself in him. His eyes narrowed, filled with anger, rage, and hatred as he stared at his taunter. His jaw was clenched, grinding his teeth in fury. It was a remarkable sight. He had always been so mild. Then I knew. He had taken enough. Something inside of him had finally snapped. Slowly, his hand clenched into a fist. His breathing grew rapid, and fury engulfed him.

Sean had been laughing when David hit him. Blood splashed from his nose, as his expression went suddenly blank. David swung furiously, punches raining in, a torrent of hatred overflowing. He wasn't going to take it anymore. Three long years he had endured torment, teasing, bullying, and sometimes beatings. Now he unleashed all of that back upon Sean. At first the surprise had stunned Sean. He had never expected this. A sharp pain overcame his shock, and this spurned on his anger. His face, red from blood streaming from his nose, contorted in rage. He let loose with vicious punches and kicks, slamming into his smaller opponent.
A crowd had gathered, shouting and cheering the bloodlust. I realised that Sean's superior size and strength were too much for David. Yet, despite this he fought on. Fuelled by hatred he battled. Wildly swinging, he caught Sean under the eye, opening a large gash. A vicious retaliatory blow knocked him from his feet, as Sean began to regain the edge. Clambering to his feet, another blow slammed into his jaw, followed by an elbow. Fury had taken him so far, but now Sean's strength was prevailing. Still he fought, ignoring the pain burning in his broken jaw. The crowd began to sense an end to his resistance. Looking for a finishing blow, Sean half succeeded with a kick to the groin. The crowd grimaced with David as he stumbled backwards. It looked like the end.

Nothing could have prepared us for what happened next. The door to the mess hall suddenly burst open, and in charged eight US navy seals laying down covering fire for a five foot kangaroo that went bounding around the room laying down C4 plastic explosive. The kangaroo had a violent expression on its face, and had a dangerous looking scar runing under its eye. I knew this kangaroo meant business. All would have been lost if it hadnt been for the timely intervention of the platypus. Charging in on the back of a giant sea water crocodile the platypus launched itself in a lethal attack at the kangaroo, embedding the spur of its hind leg deep into its eye socket injecting its deadly poison. Showing tremendous courage attacking the lone unarmed platypus were fournavy seals barely armed with just M-16 assault rifles, M-4 grenade launchers and light anti-tank weaponry. Such a daring attack whilst so unprepared for such heavy combat proved to be the downfall of these brave, yet inherently stupid navy seals. Four lambs to the slaughter.

Meanwhile, Sean had taken this opportunity to kick the living cr4p out of David. Little did Sean realise that David knew the secret platypus trainers vocabulary. David shouted a quick command that left Sean with a nasty looking graze on his neck, right where his head should have been. There was a loud crash as a hippopotamus crashed through the ceiling. Mounted on his back, was none other than.....a small indian guy I had never seen before.
"Are bears Catholic?" he cried.
"Does the pope sh1t in woods?" was the response from pope John Paul who had just rode in on a new Harley Davidson. Using the sudden events as a distraction David quickly pulled up his fly and hoped that nobody had noticed. I however had noticed (being the omniscient first person narrator I have that power), and I had also noticed that the zipper was rusty!!!

The remaining navy seals concentrated their fire on the pope, seeing him as the most dangerous threat. What the seals didnt realise, was that they were merely minor characters in the story, only there to die, much like the fabled ensign in the red uniform in star trek. The pope picked up the Harley in one hand and launched it at the hippo. It hit the hippo on the head knocking it unconscious. The hippo fell onto the sea water crocodile. Surprised and angry, and now dead, the crocodile sat and decomposed. Furious at the attack on his beloved hippo, the little indian guy pulled out a phaser and set it to stun. He fired at the navy seals and vaporised them.

"Oops" I think it was he said as he realised he was an idiot and had set it to 'Stir Fry' and not stun. While this all went on, the colombian drug lords had taken to opportunity to start selling cocaine to the onlooking students. What they hadnt counted on was an angry platypus with a narcotic addiction, and no money. Seven dead poisoned drug dealers, a platypus as high as a kite, three students with nose bleeds from snorting waaay to much, and a kangaroo pouch later, Salman Rushdi finally decides to make his entrance on a skateboard.
The entire crowd quietened as he magnificently rolled in the door, gracefully glided to the centre of the room, and quietly died being eaten alive by a drugged up platypus.
Just then things started to get weird.

"What the hell is happening to the program???" was the shout from an unknown voice (well the voice was known, but only to me being omniscient, and to the guy he was talking to, and is about to speak).
"Im shutting it down now!".
"Its ok. Ive taken the main hydro-converter offline. The program is finished. Now tell me what happened?"
"Stack overflow" shrugged the voice that had responded to the unknown voice.

Where the mess hall had once been, was now a big empty room with strange computer panels on the walls, and sitting in the middle of the room, was one confused, pis$ed off, drugged up, psychotic littly platypus that was dying to get his little poison spurs into whoever was responsible for waking him up before 8.00am.

And so the Secret Platypus Training Programme suffered a minor setback. The world was safe again. For another day at least.


[This message has been edited by Paladin (edited 26-11-2000).]

Cake Fiend

And it started off so well...
Is this one of those stories where one person writes the first paragraph or two and different people add paragraphs onto it or something??

Paladin

Something like that. The start was part of an actually serious story I wrote (see 'A Smile Too Far' on the literature board for it), but I wanted to do something really really weird (and try to be funny, something I failed at unless you understand the cirmunstances of the storyline, but anyway).

Shiminay

ROFL - that's class

Nice one Pally

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All the best,

Lord Khan

Pure Genius :-)

hehehe all most makes you think we should start one on this board ... but I'm too scared to think of what we might actually put in it

Panda

*LOL*
That deserves some sort of trophy!!! Post more of them!!!
PS:Where did the litte indian guy go to?

plastic membrane

Check out the Lit Board for more "you write a bit, then i'll write a bit " insanity....

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Im going to the bear fights tomorrow, want to come with ??

Paladin

Am. This wasnt a 'you write a bit, then i'll write a bit' story.
That would imply someone else wrote stuff.
No.
I am that insane all by myself thank you very much

Kastro

lol,,
nice wan!!
but i think youve been watching too much pokiemon!!..
with all the commands and such.
still it was good,
post some more,
with more retaliation and blood,
make the fighting longer!

i have a essay i had to write 4 school as a punishment,
it was "THE ROLL OF A SHAKESPERIAN SONNET IN THE NEW MILLENIUM"
what the fuk!!
so me being smart swapped it around!!
SHAKESPEAR was the name of a pig
SONNETS were is piglets..
ill post it up!
(nothing contained in this essay is accually true so dont go fretting over it!)


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THE ROLL OF A SHAKESPEARIAN SONNET IN THE NEW MILLENIUM


It all started a long time ago, when my uncle Victor was alive.
He lived on a farm out in a part of Wicklow called "Bally Na Thona",
On the field he had many an animal including Horses, Chickens, Ducks, Geese and the famous of all "SHAKESPEARE THE PIG", the pig was 14 years old and had many a piglet, Farmer Victor really loved this pig called SHAKESPEARE and couldn’t come up with names for all the piglets so being as smart and as cunning as I am, he called them all by the SONNETS that Shakespeare did, Shakespeare had already had 72 piglets and numbered them all. For example the first piglet was called "sonnet one" and the second was called "sonnet two" and the third was called "sonnet three" and the fourth "sonnet four", the fifth one he decided to call something different than the others, so being old and just plain dumb!! (After all he is a bogger) (Not that all of them are stupid, actually a lot of them are pretty smart, my friend is a bogger with a photographic memory and that is handy for exams!!) So he called the fifth one "fifth sonnet" instead of "sonnet five", now after every single piglet had a sonnet for a name he realized that there was another piglet being born and he called it…. Wait, no more sonnets. So after a lot of thinking and reading and even asking people for some names he decided to call it Romeo. When he came back to his shed where he kept the pigs he realized that there was one more in the corner that hadn’t been branded with a name… so he called it Juliet. Now one day my uncle was blowin down the hill on his tractor at 11mph, with his stereo blaring 9pec featuring Scoop Doggy Doo Doo and him rapping his own little verses while gaining speed down the hill, gaining speed "yes's 12mph that’s a record for this, going back to my wife give her a kiss, R.A.C well we don’t want ya, sitting on my roof with a rocket launcher, me in my room loading up my little toy, me & I.R.A don’t mess with us boys..."then suddenly there was a loud explosion and him and the tractor were launched into the air, upon landing in something Id rather not describe (ill give you a little hint…cows leave it behind in a cow field) he noticed his leg had been severed off by a large lump of metal. So he hobbled up on one leg and realized that the Nazi Germans were after him, a large mortar bomb landed on the pig shed and nearly every pig was blown apart… including SHAKESPEARE. So victor pulled out a large A.K 47 from his chest pocket and let off a few rounds of lead…
he hobbled over to his tractor and pulled out a grenade from under the seat. As he pulled out the pin he was shot in the hand he was holding it with…it blew up and his hand vaporized into the air… he went onto his back after getting shot in the other leg and the shoulder… now using his tongue he pulled the trigger on the A.K 47 and after what felt like a lifetime he wiped out the Nazi Germans… now after all of that he scrambled and struggled home and called a doctor, the doctor bandaged the wounds and the wife asked the doctor did he want some bacon? He said no thanks but Victor said yes "after a battle like that I'd eat a horse" so after 10mins in the kitchen out came some bacon… 11hours later he died of food poisoning (the wife is so thick she forgot to cook the food)

THE END.

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Paladin

Hey!
I might be nuts and all, but you need therapy man

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Just a harmless little platypus eh? Nobody expects the poison spur!

Kastro

lol
nice wan!!

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