Maybe this will teach ye boys to stop experimenting!

mewso

***Actual article from the LA Times***

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors
in the Severe Burns Unit of San Francisco Hospital.


Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had
been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had
gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped
Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon,"
my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't
come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the
light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital
spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of
intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and
severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers
which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine,
propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree
burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered
first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.


! TOP TEN SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY !


10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..."
9) "So I peered into the tube..." (I'm sorry, but that's like
looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to
stare at the sun.)
That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem)
being shot out of the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on
Rocky & Bullwinkle.
7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of
someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was
springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love."
6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in
their rectums.
5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were
doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have
made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking
into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the
truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor
and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see, we have this gerbil named
Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."
4) "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make
the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How
does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And the
smell of a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face
of God's green earth.
3) People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for:
“Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."
2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1) This happened in San Francisco, (I guess no real surprise.)

It does give new meaning to the phrase "Blow it out your ass",
doesn't it?

Hobbes

Urban Legend. http://www.urbanlegends.com/animals/gerbilling/gerbil_tailpipe.html

Here's one with Richard Gere - www.baywindows.com/gerbil.asp

Also check out http:/www.urbanlegends.com

Simple thing wrong with the story is that if there was those fumes coming out of his rectum the gerbil would of died from exfix... sfix.. suffocation.


[This message has been edited by Hobbes (edited 03-09-99).]

MoSeS_.

AssFixiation methinks

Monty - the one and only

ROFL!!!

Helv

What the hell are you doing sending us to a gay website. Christ, I hope they dont monitor the web that vigilently in here!!!

Monty - the one and only

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 03-09-99).]

Hecate

oh god thats soo funny...I'm getting strange looks from people wondering why I burst out laughing at my computer.

mewso

I'm glad you found it funny and I'm also glad that the rather bizarre faction, who seem intent on establishing the accuracy of this story (who gives two ****s whether it's true or not), have not deterred you from laughing out loud as I did.

M

mewso

I mean Hobbes, if you're that interested in the Gerbils fate then call 25746-gerbil and empty your heart.

M

Hobbes

That number doesn't work.

Monty - the one and only

I shared that around the office, I dont think some of the users around were to happy to hear members of help-desk staff burst out laughing in the middle of a call.

There were complaints




(but well worth it)



[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 06-09-99).]