Quarter Life Crisis.

BrianD3

Here's my situation. I'm 25 years old and graduated from college in 2000. After graduating, I found it very difficult to get a job and spent over a year unemployed. Eventually, I got lucky and picked up a fairly decent job. But something just doesn't seem right and has been nagging at me for a while now.

Basically, I no longer seem to know who I am or where I'm going. When I was in school and college my life always seemed to have a purpose. Everything was nicely organised for me and I had well defined goals. For example, from from the day I started secondary school I knew that the end result would be the leaving cert exam. I even knew the month and year when I'd be doing the exam!

All during school and college I always felt that I was merely preparing for "real life" Only after I graduated from college would "real life" start. Then I'd get a great job, a steady income, a mortgage, get married, have children and live happily ever after.

But the last part isn't turning out as I had envisaged. I don't have a wife, mortgage kids etc. and don't know if I even want them. I don't know what the hell I want. I feel like I've been preparing myself for *something* all my life but now that the preparations are over it all seems like a huge anti-climax.

Also, nothing seems exciting or interesting anymore. I feel jaded, lazy, cynical and apathetic about life generally. I'm also quite disillusioned with certain aspects of life in Ireland such as Irish drinking culture. I don't drink and have never liked the pub scene. This makes me feel like an outcast.

Another thing - I regard myself as being reasonably intelligent. I got to utilise this a lot in college. I used to get a kick out of thinking and using my brain. I enjoyed pushing myself to try to understand difficult topics. Exams were stressful but I think some stress in one's life is a good thing.

Now, my brain gets very little "exercise". I don't find my job particularly challenging. And I've noticed something - I reckon I'm becoming less intelligent as time goes by. Perhaps it's a case of use it or lose it? All I know is I'm definitely not as sharp now as I was 5 years ago.

This is all quite difficult to describe and probably sounds vague. But I've definitely heard before of people with feelings similar to mine and referring to their situation as a quarter life crisis. People may accuse me of moaning about nothing and I accept that criticism. I know that things could be an awful lot worse and that I am lucky in many ways. Just wondering if anyone here has any thoughts on the matter.

Ta

BrianD3

GuanYin

Originally posted by BrianD3
Basically, I no longer seem to know who I am or where I'm going. When I was in school and college my life always seemed to have a purpose. Everything was nicely organised for me and I had well defined goals. For example, from from the day I started secondary school I knew that the end result would be the leaving cert exam. I even knew the month and year when I'd be doing the exam!

I think this is a common feeling with people. I have it too at times. I know I won't be doing what I do now for ever and I know I don't want to do what I'm doing now forever, but I don't know whatelse I could or want to do.

I don't want to get involved with anyone, I go through bouts of wanting to and not wanting to buy property. And ever second day I alternate between wanting to leave the country and not.

Originally posted by BrianD3
All during school and college I always felt that I was merely preparing for "real life" Only after I graduated from college would "real life" start. Then I'd get a great job, a steady income, a mortgage, get married, have children and live happily ever after.

Don't laugh, but this is the basis of the movie fight club. We've all been told this since we were kids. Its in every TV show and film, this is what is expected of us, this is what we'll become.
Its a crock...

"My dad never went to college. So it was real important that I go."
"That sounds familiar."
"So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say, 'Dad, now what?' He says, 'Get a job.'"
"Same here."
"Now I'm twenty five. Make my yearly call again. I say, 'Dad, now what?' He says, 'I don't know. Get married.'"

I dunno how to deal with it. I'd like to think that everyone, with a bit of searching can find where they want to be. Just remember. It doesn't have to be what TV tells us.

logic

Been through the same kinda story and feel the same way. And
I'm definitely not as smart as I was before.

Capt'n Midnight

Now, my brain gets very little "exercise". I don't find my job particularly challenging. And I've noticed something - I reckon I'm becoming less intelligent as time goes by. Perhaps it's a case of use it or lose it? All I know is I'm definitely not as sharp now as I was 5 years ago.

Bingo.
That is what hobbies / night courses are for - you can keep increasing your IQ / Brain power till right through life if you keep your mind active. - eg: Watching Discovery channel is not going to stimulate your brain - it's too dumbed down and repetitive.

Also - is your body getting exercise ?
How long have you been driving - instead of getting lifts / buses / cyclying / walking ?

PS. it's actually Third Life Crisis, the Biblical three score and ten is fairly accurate...

BrianD3

Some interesting points in this thread already. Thanks lads.

Also - is your body getting exercise ?

Yep. I started doing weights a few months ago and am quite pleased with the results. I've definitely gained some muscle mass. I used to be extremely skinny and the extra muscle has given me a lot more confidence in my appearance. I believe my Third Life Crisis would be significantly worse if it weren't for the weights.

How long have you been driving - instead of getting lifts / buses / cyclying / walking ?

Driving since I was 17 and have had access to a car pretty much ever since. Started off driving my parents car but have had my own for a few years now.

BrianD3

Earthhorse

Sorry to hear about this man. I think a lot of people from our generation go through this.

originally posted by sykeirl
I think this is a common feeling with people. I have it too at times. I know I won't be doing what I do now for ever and I know I don't want to do what I'm doing now forever, but I don't know whatelse I could or want to do.

I don't want to get involved with anyone, I go through bouts of wanting to and not wanting to buy property. And ever second day I alternate between wanting to leave the country and not.

Tell me about it. I see a Kung Fu film and I'm like, "That's it. I'm going to dedicate my life to training. I'll work it into my everyday routine and eventually become a master." Then I read a book on Orson Welles and I'm like, "That's it. I'll acquire some artistic talent. Then I'll squander it nihilistically."

I'm being serious here. We have so many choices available to us in life to do that it's often overwhelming. Sometimes being faced with less choices makes it easier to decide on the way ahead.

I also sympathise with the not drinking thing. I can't really drink myself for medical reasons and it severely limits my ability to socialise. This is particularly true for meeting women.

Anyway my advice to you would be to begin stimulating your brain whatever way you can. Maybe listen to a tape of a foreign language as you drive to work. Or buy a book of logic puzzles. Try and do something everyday that you weren't able to do before.

Other than that maybe you should take more of a risk. Maybe change jobs if you can or look into leaving the country. I mean investigate it, not just sit around thinking about it. Where would you go? What would you do there?

Even if you just begin to engage your brain your situation will seem a lot better.

star gazer

Basically, I no longer seem to know who I am or where I'm going. When I was in school and college my life always seemed to have a purpose. Everything was nicely organised for me and I had well defined goals.
BrianD3

Those were doing things that other people told you to do. School to college to first job... now you have the choice what to do with your life, it's damn hard taking over control of your own life and deciding what to do next. I think the human body and mind can take a lot of an unhealthy/difficult lifestyle so don't worry too much about your mind seizing up. Find out what stimulates your mind and excites you, if you can't find anything that does that for you, start taking the path of least resistance to give yourself some time and space to find out who you are and what you want. The path of least resistance isn't necessarily doing nothing, most people will simply not be able to tolerate being idle and being without much money.

be careful not to over-exert yourself trying to find answers, patience in these matters and listening to your gut will stand to you in the long run.

disclaimer: if i could practice what i preach i'd be in great shape, instead of being just another struggling along swimming against the flow.

jammy_dodger

Travel the world. tbh

echomadman

This subject has been the topic of conversation between me and a few other recently, and I've seen similar threads on different forums.

I thinks its endemic to people in our age group, we were raised expecting everthing to be great and work out fine if we went to college and did all the things our mothers/fathers/aunts/uncles couldn't do, coming throught the educational mill in the early-mid 90's there was staggering growth and silicon valley and the golden calf of e-business and the "information superhighway" were held up as apparent examples that all was right on track.
I've been ranting about this for years, the upsurge in people who were "gettin into computers" as it was the new trade and fast-track to €$£. the inevitable collapse of the dotcom bubble and general ****tyness of the worlds economy combined with the now oversaturated net/tech workforce has left a lot of us in a unique position, we are aware of possibilities, but they are out of reach, we are not much better off than previous generations of irish people, and we're not sure why.
It was clear cut before, you got a job/trade/whatever and settled down or you emigrated and joined the legions of irish ex-pats in london/america/australia

not quite sure where i'm going with this.

I'll probably come back and tidy this up when my brain is firing on all cylinders again

anyway

He're an article addressing it from an american point of view, but it still rings true.

The quarter-life crisis

When I was in high school, there was not a doubt in my mind that I was the most mature person around. My friends and I would sit around and brag about our great leap into maturity. We acted as if our fellow students were permanently stuck in the back of the class, eating glue, and passing notes. I look back on that era now and I think how dumb I was, if only I had reveled in my naivete. If only I had realized the importance of immaturity. I look at my life now; job, car payment, relationship after relationship and I want to be naive once more.

There was this moment in time, almost suspended, where wrinkles did not creep up out of nowhere and appear around your eyes and mouth. Your first gray hair was not even a thought in the back of your mind, let alone weighing on your mind. Why am I thinking about this stuff now? I am 25 and should be thinking about my weekend and what my plans are for the holidays.

This fear did not just creep up out of nowhere without reasoning. There was in fact a catalyst I found my first grey hair. I have a grey hair that grows out of the crown of my head. The wiry, white hair is inconcealable. As soon as I have slicked it down with hairspray, humectant and gel it rears its ugly head out of my ponytail and makes the bold statement I have hit a new age bracket. I have hit the age group of 25-39. Having spent the last decade in the under 25 age group, I am not adjusting well.

Perhaps it is the grey hair that is making me feel unworthy of the fun young girl status I have become so accustomed to, I am not sure. But as soon as I hit 25, I realized I was now closer to being 30 than I was to being 20 and I know this is not old. I know this is not even approaching a menopausal state. However, this is an awkward age, a period of life I have started calling the quarter life crisis.

I am not the only one in this age group suffering from this crisis. All of my friends and even strangers I have met are going through this calamity of life. It has become an epidemic. This generation, those children born in the later half of the 70s have no role models to look up to. Think about this: Gen Xers, our predecessors in age groups, were 25 when the internet was booming, the economy was rising and wars were so far removed from our daily life that they barely made it to the back page of the Op-Ed section. As far as I am concerned they had it made. They graduated from college, traveled to Europe, backpacked, tanned nude on the Riviera, returned home and decided to begin a little startup company with a few of their friends. By the time they reached 25, a handful were millionaires. This is not the case for my age group; we are those suffering the quarter life crisis. We are lost, unemployed, overeducated, curious and most of all we are confused.

I dont know what I want to be when I grow up. I took my parents very seriously when they said, You can be anything you want to be. I was an actress, a writer, and currently I am a fundraiser and now I want to go to Law School to become a social commentarian. Is this wishy-washy attitude a familial problem or a societal one? My parents are to blame because they gave me free reign over my career. Society is to blame for it allows me to blame my parents for my failures. That is the beauty of this age group, I dont have to take the blame I displace it with a grand sense of intellectual philosophy. I took western and eastern philosophy, and I know in order for my chi to flow with the river I have to let go. So, I am free, but now where do I go? I sit at my desk and fill myself with panic attacks and Friday night socials. I go on two week vacations to Colorado and hope that my college love will soon realize that he is never going to be a professional skier, hiker, snowboarder, outdoor adventure guy; but, he would make a great potential future heartbreak. These are the things I have to look forward to in my new age group with my new wiry piece of hair. Tell me why this is supposed to be fun? Next time I check the appropriate age group box, I am going to look back on the Under 25 box with great memories and look at my current box with hope and a bottle of hair dye clenched tightly in my fist.

Ericka Batla is a local resident and assistant director of financial development for the American Red Cross.

Peace

Travel the world. tbh

Good advice.

Work to live, don't live to work. Put the money together and go. I know if i had 30Keuro i'd be gone and i'd dive the planet......seriously i'd dive the planet.

Now this thread is depressing me by reminding me of the 30keuro i don't have.

ixoy

Interesting. I'm a month and a half shy of the 25 mark now as well and can relate to most of the poster's comments. I had plans to get a decent job, house, etc. I was going to do it through IT (I was always going to do IT - It wasn't the boom that attracted me). But then it went all sour and I ended up... not quite where I wanted to. Now there's a stuck-in-the-rut feeling. Like the orignal poster I'm also not feeling challenged/taxed by my work but - because it's okay and the economy is still kinda crap - I'm not looking elsewhere. So there's that whole directionless thing.

I'm also not in a relationship or foree anyone immediately whereby I could work towards acquiring that house (you'd need two, at least with my job, to make the downpayment on a house).

And I can further understand how the lack of challenge dulls your brain somewhat. I spend my time making observations and the like to try and keep it somewhat on track but the lack of main challenge in life doesn't help....

So maybe I need to find that motivational core as well... but that is a challenge in and of itself when lethargy sinks in, which is probably just a form of helplesness. "Fight Club" indeed had something to say about all this. Would life be any easier if we didn't have a heaving capitalist system to work around, but lived in simpler albeit brutaler times? Psychological studies seem to indicate we're no happier than we've been before so there could be an odd truth there...How worrying...:(

ur mentor

had this problem myself many yers ago
my solution was to join up with a voluntary body and work in third world overseas. APSO a tthe time, i think they ae still around.
certainly it makes you realise a couple of things, firstly that what appears to be a drag to you most other people in third world countries would give their right arm for.
Secondly that it really is up to you how well you do and what you do with your life.
nothing is scarce except time- its hard to realise this fully at 25 but it becomes very clear very soon when you get house, salary partner, kids. If you wish to really make your mark on the world its going to take time and focus and effort.
enjoy its not a dress rehearsal

seamus

Yeah, what most people have been saying is good. The problem with being fairly intelligent is that you're earmarked from a young age as being one of those people who'll go on to be great. Constantly living up to other people's expectations, or going to college, and getting a job because "it's the done thing".

Think of something you'd like to do. Having a job is comfortable, and regardless of how much you're bored, it's a big step to take to move job, move house, or even move country.

I'd say take a good long look at the world, (the net is great for that ), think about what you'd like to accomplish. Make a list if needs be. Then go and do it.

The world has changed so rapidly since we (people in our twenties) were born, that the plan that most of our parents lived with, and subsequently envisioned for us, is more or less defunct.

As I heard before - "Do not walk the beaten path. Go where no-one else has been, and make your own trail".

Typedef

What, you were lied to all you life, so as to mould you into a cog in the capitalist machine, and you thought you were the only one?

Take solace in the fact that every other man in the 18-29 age group (who isn't an alocholic) suffers from much the same forceable twisting into the roles the economy requires and to hell with your life as a person.

Look at it this way, while capitalism may twist it's workers into mere appendages to it's machine, at least you don't live in an area with natural resources worth fighting over.

You could for example be living with the legacy of capitalism in Iraq, in comparison, we have it pretty good in Ireland.

yossarin

and you thought you were the only one?

the only one that matters, sure.

Me and a few friends are in the same boat. finished college, farting about not knowing what to do next, wondering why we aren't rich yet.

who was it that said that the curse of being middle class is that you'll never be envied for your wealth or pitied for your poverty? there's nowhere dramatic to go really as you're in the middle.

as typie puts it, you'll never be cold or hungry.

try to think of it this way - how much worse would it be if this was enough? if you weren't bored now?
treasure that boredom, its tryign to get you to do better things.