custody immigration...aarrgghh

LegacyUser

I am a bit pissed off and upset. my daughters ma rang me today and out of the blue she says she is going to move to canada to work and she wants me to write a letter signed by a soliciter to say that I approve her moving to canada with my daughter. So, I decided to check whether I would be able to get a visa myself but I only got 55 points when you need 67. So, If i approve her to move to canada, I will not be able to see my daughter, only when I go there on holidays. And judging by the price of flights and the distance away won't be too often. I have a very close relationship with my daughter and mind her 3-4 times a week (she is 4). I am no longer with the mother. So, If i decline to approve this we get into a lot of antaganism, which is not going to benefit me or my daughter. So, I am kind of shagged if i do and shagged if i don't. although the only small bright spot out of this is (i don't mean to sound cold hearted but I am looking for some solace) that i won't have to give her mother money anymore (i never objected to this - and we were never married)....

any suggestions.....my daughter is the light of my life

Typedef

Just say no dude.

Your daughter being in your life should come before some ridculous notion of being decent to your ex-chick and letting her take your daughter to Canada no?

Hell, if you have more money then the mother, you could probably make a case for custody.

I know quite a few children from single parent famalies... the vast majority of women raising boys alone, turns into the boys in question being absolute tear-aways.

In my experience, I know of 'no' exceptions to this rule.

It's good you want to be involved in your daughter's life etc... since the majority of children who come from famalies where one or the other parent never was involved in the child's life (again that I personally know), have difficulty in later life... sustaining what would be termed 'normal' relationships with members of the opposite sex.

This is true of all males I know in single parent famalies.

If you daughter grows up resenting her father, because he was uninvolved in her life, I doubt, this will help her in having 'normal' personal relationships with members of the opposite sex.

Since I come from a family like this, I wouldn't hurry about shying away from saying how such an..... abnormal upbringing, tinges your view of male-female relations.

Of course... I'm a prick too... so this is another reason I philander... and enjoy it.

seamus

Sounds tough mate. Has the mother got actual work in Canada, or is she just going over searching?

Strictly IMO, and I have zero experience with these things, perhaps you and her mother could come to some kind of agreement. If the mother does not have a job guaranteed, perhaps the child should stay here with you until her mother does get a job. Then maybe agree on some kind of comprise on paying for your flights over to Canada to see your daughter - perhaps she could pay a certain amount.

I'm not sure, but maybe you should have a look at Canadian law on your rights, just for your own reference, if/when you go over to see your daughter.

Just remember,

which is not going to benefit me or my daughter.

.......

any suggestions.....my daughter is the light of my life [/B]

you obviously want to do what's best for her, not for yourself

Good Luck m8

LegacyUser

appreciate the advise but her ma makes more thatn me.
as for custody battle - no thanks. her mother does a find job except for these notions she gets into her head. as for her paying some of the airfare, that is a good idea but I only get 21 days a year off so that is roughly 4 weeks spread over a year which is bollox. I would move there (to canada) just ot see her but it looks like I would not be able to get the visa

Beruthiel

Oh lordy that’s a tough one
Might I ask, did you ex consider the implications of taking her daughter away from her father? When I broke up with my daughters father I made it my business to be on the bus route when purchasing my apartment, just so my daughter could hop on the bus when she was old enough. Why does your ex need to move so far away at this time? Is it a career opportunity that just cannot be turned down?

I know nothing about your circumstances etc, but I know what I would be doing if my ex tried anything like that, and I know where I’d be telling him he can shove his letter. I know that sounds harsh and like I was ruling his life in some way, but there is no way whatsoever that I could live like that, speaking for my own circumstances I would fight something like that tooth and nail, but that’s just me
your daughter will only be small once, and to miss all that she will become over the next few years has got to be heartbreaking. I cannot suggest anything to you, except do what you must and what your heart tells you is right
for what it's worth
I'm sorry

vibe666

ask her what she would do if it was the other way round. would she give her daughter up and be left almost on the other side of the world?

do what you can to put her in your shoes then try and reason with her.

failing that, why not go to the canadian embassy and see if there is any way you could get some sort of special dispensation for moving to canada (if you are willing to do that).

Maybe tell your ex you will let her take the daughter if you get to tag along as a spouse until you find your feet over there and then you would get into the country (maybe) and when you are there you can go your seperate ways, but still be there.

dunno, just my 1.5c (canadian dollars have gone right down in value recently).

Typedef

I don't honestly see how you could contemplate allowing your ex to take your daughter away, if you actually have any sort of desire to be involved in her life.

Nobody is saying martyrise yourself by moving to Canada for the mother's (most likely whimisical) desire to live there....

Just dig in and say "no"... maybe take some legal recourse.

You don't have to be cool about this sort of thing...

You could for example... threaten to sue for Joint Custody... if the mother continues to try and take your child away.

Though... that might sound a bit... umm... uncool.

Beruthiel

I totally agree with you Typie, uncool or no, I think it’s totally selfish of her to not consider her daughter or the fact that she’s taking her away for her father

Boston

Ask yourself this will your daughter thank you for missing her whole life when she turns 18. Look at it this way, your wife will be abite pissed at first, but maybe a year or two paying someone to mind her child will change that. You have the possibility of making it up with her. If you love your daughter don't allow yourself to be cut out of her life completely, this bull about one parent being enough is exactly that. People make do one one parent because there is no other choice. No woman would ever choose to raise a child without a father without a damn good reason.

Your choice, and you really only have one, thats no.

The Corinthian

Is your daughter's mother aware of this situation? If so, then she is frankly being very selfish with regards to not just your rights, feelings and psychological well-being but your daughter's. She is also, defacto, denying you the right of access to your daughter if she goes to Canada.

Discuss it with her. Work out a compromise if you can. Otherwise you should refuse.

LegacyUser

about saying no, once you go that route you can never go back to the harmonious situation before. aslo I should clarify, that I went away to oz when she was about 3months for a year. In my defence - she was young and didn't notice when i got back (her being 14mnths old then), I was under the assumption that that was my one chance to see the world before i settled into the commitment of raising a child. Also , the money I made + my tax back all went to her mother and my familty helped her out a lot when I wasnt there. I don't know what you people will think of that but it also raises my unease at putting any injunction on her moving away seeing as i went away. Although in my case she gave me her consent about 6 months before when i was still making plans and i guaranted i would be back.

Boston

Your not blocking her from going off, your blocking her from taking your daughter with her. Tell her to go, and you raise your daughter

Beruthiel

Originally posted by dontknowwhat
In my defence - she was young and didn't notice when i got back (her being 14mnths old then)

That does put a totally different light on it, and I would not see it as a defence at all, a small baby requires more minding than a bigger one, but you saw fit to leg it off to another part of the world and have a good time, while your ex is at home minding the baby. In this instance, I would say sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander, if you can do it, then I can see why your ex would see why she can also
You would have less of a defence if you were to bring this before a judge. Your best option is to sit her down and talk to her, see if she is open to reason
have you talked to her as a matter of interest?

Boston

Originally posted by Beruthiel
That does put a totally different light on it, and I would not see it as a defence at all, a small baby requires more minding than a bigger one, but you saw fit to leg it off to another part of the world and have a good time, while your ex is at home minding the baby. In this instance, I would say sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander, if you can do it, then I can see why your ex would see why she can also
You would have less of a defence if you were to bring this before a judge. Your best option is to sit her down and talk to her, see if she is open to reason
have you talked to her as a matter of interest?

Hows it the same? You don't know why he felt, maybe the relationship broke up aroudn that time and he had to get away. Point is he didn't take the child with him, denying her access

Victor

What is the possibility of mother going over for say a month, getting set up. You bring daughter over and stay 1-2 weeks. You then get to have daughter for summer holidays (together with grandparents, cousins etc.) and mix other holidays.

---

Separately any support you pay the mother (not the daughter) is tax deductable.

josh40

Why is the mother moving to Canada? Is there someone else in the picture? If you won't have to pay anything to the mother anymore, maybe you could use the extra money to see your daughter more?

koneko

She just rang out of the blue and asked for the letter? She didn't even discuss this with you??

Doesn't she realise what kind of impact this will have on her daughter? Surely she cares what's best for her. Talk to her, express your concerns and feelings, etc etc. I thought people discussed big decisions like this instead of just up and leaving.

LegacyUser

I spoke to the mother last night and we came to a agreement. I will sign the bloody document and she let my daughter come over in the summer for a month and another month over the winter (as in a fortnight here a week there). I can also visit her in canada as much as i want. This is the best I could get. The thing is that i want to still contribute to my daughter but not to her mother so my plan is to setup a savings account and transfer the money i give to her mother now (slightly less, considering the cost of flights to canada and so on) to this account. I would then give her the money when she needs it (my daughter) or in case of some type of emergency. i am not sure if her mother will go for this but i am going to stand firm. She is a very stubborn woman (being a only child) so she might object. There is no one else in the picture as far as i am aware and it might have been better if there was - it would keep her in Ireland.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by dontknowwhat
I spoke to the mother last night and we came to a agreement. I will sign the bloody document and she let my daughter come over in the summer for a month and another month over the winter (as in a fortnight here a week there).

Get that in writing.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Get that in writing.

big time

seamus

Originally posted by Beruthiel
big time

Get an affidavit. Legally signed, sealed and witnessed.

Accept nothing else.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by seamus
Get an affidavit. Legally signed, sealed and witnessed

and above all make sure it stands legally in Canada

wolfman

Originally posted by seamus
Get an affidavit. Legally signed, sealed and witnessed.

Accept nothing else.

AND make absolutely SURE it goes in front of a court. I have my fill of seperation agreements etc, which meant absolute nothing when she wanted to start ****ing around with them.

I thought everything would be grand too, but after 6 years of ****, I finally have it sorted but it took courts to do it