Pre-match rituals

Imposter

RugbyWorld Cup 2003

Following complaints made to the International Rugby Board about the All
Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka'
before their games, other nations have now been allowed to introduce
pre-match rituals of their own.

The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has agreed to the
following pre-match displays:

1. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air
and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented
the game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone
still thinks New Zealand are the best team.
2. The Scotland team will turn up pissed, chanting "Yea lookin' at me,
Jimmy?" before smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads
and picking random fights with members of the crowd.
3. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing
a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the traditional route from their
dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents' dressing room.
4. The Argentineans will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly
removed by the match stewards.
5. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important
than the other 13 whom they will imprison between the posts whilst they
claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
6. The Americans will not arrive until almost full time. In future years
they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most
important team in the tournament, won it single handedly and Hollywood
will make a film called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
7. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the rest
of the team to ransom.
8. The Italian team will arrive dressed in Armani gear, sexually harass
the female stewards and then run away.
*9. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and
then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They
will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when
their appeal for compensation against the UKgovernment will be heard.
10. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering better
salaries to the key opposition players and then run around the pitch at
high speed in a highly efficient manner before photographing the ground.
11. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the
opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half and burn the
officials.
12. The Australians will have a barbie, sinking a few tinnies before
whinging on about how crap England are before they move to England
inviting all their mates to come and live with them in Shepherd's Bush.
13. The Samoans will line out behind the New Zealand team, as that's the
side they all feel they really should be playing for....
14. The Tongans will plant a coconut tree on the half-way line and loll
around under it listening to music and discussing women for the duration
of the match.
15. Unfortunately, the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh
suggestion, as the French have commandeered all the available sheep and
there were serious objections from the Australian RSPCA...


* ??

jonno

Very good especially the American one

Trojan

You questioned #9 - I think it's a reference to the fishing quotas, there's been a lot of Spanish in trouble for breaking them.

Imposter

Originally posted by Trojan
You questioned #9 - I think it's a reference to the fishing quotas, there's been a lot of Spanish in trouble for breaking them.

I was questioning their participation in the world cup!:)