Apathy

LegacyUser

No particular reason for posting this other than to get it out of my system.

Im so ****ing bored with my life. I cant be arsed with pretty much anything. I turn 21 soon, im in my last year of college and i have pretty much no direction in my life beyond next summer.

When i was in school i was so-so at the best of times, unhappy a lot of the time, but that was ok. I figured once i finished school and went into college things would get better. Things have gotten a bit better; im occasionally happy (usually this only lasts for a couple of days at max), content some of the time and unhappy some of the time. I seem to go thru cycles lasting a few months every now and again (usually during winter) where i get pretty depressed and cant be ****ed doing anything.

I read some article on seasonal depression disorder (or something like that), my sister has suffered from depression on occasion (the worst incident was many years ago when i walked in on her crying and she said she wished she was dead), but tbh i think thats wishful thinking on my part. A nice categorisable disorder would make it easy to justify my inertness. Ive certainly never felt suicidal though i think about death a lot (on a philosophical level).

At the mo i struggle to get out of bed in the morning; when i will myself to get up bright and early i feel temporarily better but by mid afternoon i feel completely apathetic and usually piss off home. I can't really get excited about anything, stuff i love generally only provides temporary interest until i drop back into non-feeling. "Were the MTV generation, we feel neither highs nor lows." "really? whats it like?" "nehh" describes the feeling pretty well.

i have plenty of friends in college, but a lot of the time i dont want to hang around with them because when im like this im not much fun. plus they generally seem very happy, have direction and are doing well for themselves which doesnt exactly make me feel fantastic. particularily when i go out boozing with them, i usually **** off early as after a few i start feeling extremely ****ty.

nor is this exactly the most attractive to wimin. but thats another story altogether, one which i couldnt really give a **** about lately

anyway, got that out. feels vaguely better. post your criticism, sympathy, suggestions, or dont reply at all. its all the same to me currently

Beëlzebooze

welcome to the club.

Learn to live with it, make the best of it. Beware of those who say it will go away, it won't.

But trust me. you WILL learn to deal with it!
And it will provide you with the challenge you are missing!!

exercise does wonders for this type of thing, also making a plan and keeping a diary might help. Try to fit one new thing into your day that you wouldn't normally have done - and break out of your comfort zone. What I mean is we all like to settle into a nice little rut and stay there until we're forced to move - and once you start experiencing things that you mightn't normally have done you might start feeling good about all these new doors opening in your life(yes I though about it and that was the least gay way to say it that I could come up with).



I'm having too much fun with this whole apathy thing at the moment though. Student apathy ROCKS!

mr_angry

I've been very apathetic myself over the last couple of years. Hasn't killed me yet! In fact, your description seems almost identical to mine.

I just finished college last year - I found that moving into a job is one of the most amazing things I've done in a long time - I'm challenged to do things that I don't want to do, and then I end up enjoying the experience when I'm forced into doing them. That period in the future that you describe as being 'without direction' could be the greatest time of your life.

I'd also suggest moving into a house with your mates, or something. Living with my parents used to totally depress me - I'd come home, and there'd be little or no conversation that I found in any way interesting. Since I moved out, I feel much better.

On the other hand, I've been spending a lot more time on Boards lately, which probably isn't a good sign.

My one statement on this would be "If you're unhappy with your life, change". Do something mad that totally scares you. What have you got to lose? Become an aid worker in Africa or something! (I actually thought about it seriously during the summer)

Beëlzebooze

Utility wrote:

exercise does wonders for this type of thing, also making a plan and keeping a diary might help

oki doki, what are you on, and can i have some?

explain!

its a well known fact that exercise will help treat depressive moods etc.

The biggest factor is it will make you a LOT more energetic. Just search google there's a million and one pages on the subject

Beëlzebooze

please don't tell me that you gained this wisdom from the Internet as opposed to personal experience


I'm living proof that it doesn't. It may eleviate, but it doesn't cure the problem.

Well I assumed if I posted on my personal experience that you'd say "back it up with facts". Anyways yes I have gone on major training runs in the past where I worked out 1-3 times a week, drank 2 protein shakes a day/3 on a training day, and ate like a m0f0.

Other than being a lot hungrier than normal, I was able to wake up on time for the first time in years. It just felt as though it was time to get up(weird feeling for me). And for the rest of the day I was in a permanent state of being *awake* - as opposed to missing half a day of college lectures, then going home early, then taking a nap etc


but like I said, I'm enjoying this whole apathy buzz at the moment. If you didn't get a decent buzz out of your "exercise", then chances are you weren't going hard enough!

Beëlzebooze

you might have something there..... I i'm going through a bit of a transition at the moment ....haven't had my depression period yet.......

that doesn't mean to say it will not come........

Well I assumed if I posted on my personal experience that you'd say "back it up with facts".

don't!

Heresy

I've felt like this for years Adrian. Thing is, if you sit back and go "Life is crap, I hate getting up, don't like hanging around with my friends, they don't like me" etc., things won't change.
I believe myself very strongly in body language and vibes that people give off. Ever heard of the saying "if you smile at the world, the world smiles back"? If you give in to every little heart ache that life throws at you (I know there's millions of them) you'll end up very unhappy. You'll only get out of life, what you put in.

Unfortunately with depression, it can be exceedingly difficult to even change a light bulb, never mind genuinely strip the teeth. Try checking out the advice of a GP, he might be able to help. Hope things pick up.

R.

angelofdeath

get a bird, shag her silly, you'll feel right as rain;)

spooiirt!!

Originally posted by angelofdeath
get a bird, shag her silly, you'll feel right as rain;)

oi blaydin shag de burds oi do, cos oim blaydin mad.............

Originally posted by spooiirt!!
oi blaydin shag de burds oi do, cos oim blaydin mad.............

pwned

Beruthiel

spooiirt!! this is your last warning
do not post here unless you have something to say

same goes for you utility

B

echomadman

I'd be more apathetic, If i wasn't so lethargic.

I know this music, It basically sums up my day to day existance.
A definite direction is hard to find.
I was really bad about two years ago, until my GF at the time convinced me to up and go travelling for three months. this helped for a while but when i came back to ireland it gradually turned back into the dame old day to day drudge.

If you're about to finish college then try to take off and do stuff you find interesting rather for a while than segueing directly into the spirit crushing morass of the workplace.

Even though it's pretty bad at the moment beng able to look back at a point in my life where every little thing didn't seem like a monumentous effort , and i looked forward to getting up in the morning keeps me going for another day.

Typedef

Think of it this way.

There are so many ways your life could be exponentially worse.

You could be forced into prostitution by a pimp and a drug habit.
You could live in sub-saharan Africa and have a 1 in 3 chance of contracting HIV.
You could live in Palestine and get shot by the IDF tomorrow.
You could be a quadriplegic.
You could be the victim of ongoing sexual abuse.

You're not.

Quit bleating.

LegacyUser

Correction: 1 bleat.

See that's why i posted it here. Get it out of my system, without having to subject people i know and like to my fairly insignificant problems.

That's the thing with people. Their problems may be small but until they happen across something worse it's all they know and as such a 'ah **** it, theres people worse off than me' attitude doesn't wash.

Anyway thanks for your time typie, you're a star.

jesus_thats_gre

Its really a matter of you realising that your life is good. Just look around you and see whats the world is really like and then just give urself a good slap across the mouth and realise you have it good.

If that doesnt work, just change your routine and take up a fulfilling hobbie... Its a matter of you thinking yourself into this rut, so just think yourself out of it.

LegacyUser

It's funny, since my post i've been much better, making all my lectures, doing some work, networking a fair bit (i dont mean computers), having a laugh etc.

however i now feel like ive been hit by a train. Today my mum told me that she and my dad are splitting up. i cant ****ing believe it. They've been married nearly 30 years. My dad apparently doesn't love her any more. My mum has asked me not to tell anyone yet as she is going abroad on her own for a while then they are going to try councilling. but tbh, my dad not loving her anymore sounds pretty fucking final. my dad doesnt know that i know yet either. he came home today while my ma was out and it was ****ing torture. all i wanted to do was get out of there, but its pissing rain and all my mates are busy.

i tried comforting my mum as best i could, shes gone out now to talk to my sis. im not so self centered to think this is all about me tho, its my mum who needs to be comforted and im not gonna wallow in my own ****-pool while she feels so bad.

i dunno how to feel about my dad. i wish i was angrier at him, but im mostly just pissed off that someone can just fall out of love like that. i guess im worried that if its happened to my dad, it might happen to me too. if i get married in the future i dont want to end up getting bored of my wife like my dad. if im that... i dont know, shallow? i dunno what im gonna do.

mostly, i just cant believe this is happening.

patch

There's a wicked irony in there somewhere.....

I'd say be happy for both your parents buddy. They started off in a time much different to ours. Nowadays, you try on the glove totally before getting married, which I presume is why much, much less couples are getting married, and way later too.

So, now they both have a chance to be happier in the long run. I'd hate to one of those couples who stay together for the kids.

It won't happen to you, because as I said, things are different nowadays.....

Typedef

Originally posted by patch
It won't happen to you, because as I said, things are different nowadays.....

Yeah, the government is going to have to give tax breaks to people who get married and have kids, before there's nobody left on the bloody island.

Emboss

The answer is so simple you all miss it....



just listen to Aim......all problems will vanish......

Hobbes

I was about to reply with some suggestions, but then I remembered some chapters from the secret diary of Adrian Mole book.

LegacyUser

This isn't a troll. I wish it was. The reason I originally choose the nick Adrian Mole was because the book is sitting on my shelf beside me and i felt a bit like him making that post.

patch

You mean to say, you've never given a girl a bunch of grapes in the hope that she'd show you her nipple?

Sorry.....back on topic.