my issues

LegacyUser

Where to begin? Well, as I sit here typing this out I can feel butterflies in my stomach. I don’t know whether I am coming or going. I have been going out with my other half for quite some time now. It’s not exactly an eternity but it feels quite like it.
My problem is this. As explained I have been going out with this person for quite a while now, but I am still at unrest to-wards the relationship. You believe that after a certain amount of time your feelings of unease and your paranoia will disappear and you can just trust, but for some reason I can’t seem to shake them.

I seem to suffer from a quite a large dose of paranoia or “anxiety” as it may be. I fear that the person doesn’t feel the same about me as I do about them and it is becoming unhealthy. My paranoid seems to be convincing me more and more that it is true, when I feel in my heart that it isn’t. Even my logic tells me that I am wrong in feeling this way but I just can’t seem to shake these feelings. I am unsure whether or not I would be happy without this person. I sometimes feel like maybe they do not understand me and quite often take some of my feelings for granted. They also don’t seem to take the time to reassure me of their commitment. They would often argue on the relationship lasting but not in a sense that they want out but more so that they don’t want to get their hopes up. It is possible that they fear building it up to something that could come crashing down for them at any given moment.

I also suffer from guilt, to the point that I fear talking to people of the same gender incase they get upset or even jealous. However they don’t feel the same way towards me and will often tell me about what someone did or said to them which may be considered flirt. This puts me at great unease as they are letting me know about my competition in a way to almost provoke me into being jealous just too lavish attention upon them. I consider this kind of selfish as I do not believe that they should treat me in that way just to receive attention. I am more than affectionate enough towards them and try my best at ever point to make them feel loved but sometimes I wonder if I should do this as I may just be trying to convince myself that I am happy with them. The paradox is that I am happy when with them, but not always. In public, especially at social gatherings, they tend to be less affectionate and sometimes just downright ignorant towards me. Away from the listening ear they will make sure I am happy but sometimes I believe that they will just talk to somebody so that I am left alone to go and talk to other people. I am fully aware that they know I am constantly checking on them and keep a close eye on them. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t do it to be protective but more so because I would just rather be with them, alone and talking.

I do not force anything upon them and will not say things that I feel may upset them or even make them feel at unrest. The thing is that if they did in fact know about members of the opposite gender flirting with me or being too friendly they would become upset and protective. This leads me to believe that maybe that is all that they see in me. I am only there to stop them being alone. Not trying to sound boastful but I do tend to get a lot more enquiries as to my current relationship status. This is more problems arise. I have more than one person asking about me and how I am. Always asking to find out when I may be single. One person in particular has even told me that they would be interested more if I were in fact single. This is causing for yet more unrest. The person is someone whom I have know for longer than my partner, and have so much in common with that I am almost certain is a version of me but the opposite gender. We share the same taste in music, have the same opinions on people and even have the same taste in ice cream.

One thing that this person does not have is the intimate knowledge of me. The stuff I talk about only to my partner. So they don’t know me truly but then again neither do I. it seems to get worse and worse as time progresses and the more time I spend apart from my partner the more I worry about it. I fear loosing them but I can’t help but wonder and sometimes even dwell in the thoughts of what life would be like without them and with someone else. I fear making a bad choice as I may regret it for the rest of my life. When I think about these scenarios I try and not place myself in the wrong. I look at it as if my partner makes the mistake some how. I want to be angry at them and be given a reason to not want them so badly. I know this is unhealthy and sort of cowardly but it is the only reason I can see myself ending the relationship with them over.

My partner will sometimes express their fears towards loosing me in what ever way and often will but themselves in the wrong as a scenario but this doesn’t reassure me, it just makes me feel worse. Whenever I ask people for advice they just tell me to talk with the person. Sometimes people will just try to reassure me that I’m in love with them and that I have nothing to fear but this does not help in the slightest. The only times I am ever really and truly secure is when I am with my partner and we are having fun together, alone and away from the rest of the world (and not in a sexual manner). This only seems to happen when we are in our own little bubble. I can be with them in public and still have thoughts in which they are not actually with me to be with me but more so just to kill time.

I am not the type of person that people expect to have these sort of problems as many see me as a fun type of guy and nice to hang around with, but I am my own worst enemy and my mind is like a dangerous neighbourhood.

I guess all that I am truly after is a little bit of closure from my partner. Something to reassure me that they are in fact as interested in me as I am in them. It never hurts you just to tell people how you really feel as if you do not you will just end up hurting them later on. I am a creature of organisation and really just want this aspect of my life to be as organised as the rest of my life is.

If you are reading this, I thank you, I feel like I just need to get it off my chest as it has been bothering me for some weeks now. However, if you do have a loved one, just let them know how you feel. Everybody just likes to feel special some times and especially when it’s from a special person.

smiaras

This post has been deleted.

Nevyn

sometimes it just does not work.

Not matter how much we try or what the ohter person say or the occasional things they do that seem to light you up , it still is not worth it if they Still persist in modes of behaviour they know is upsetting to you and seem to have one set of rules for themsleves and another for you.

end of the Day you cant not persist in staying in a realtionship that is not a giving and growing one to ease the other person. you will end up misible and resentfull. Saying everything is ok in your own lil bubble is not good enough NO one lives thier life in a bubble and a Good proper realtionship has to at least function at all levels.

Seems like the things she does hurts you as much as a slap in the face does
and honestly if she was doing that on a regular bases you would not stay in the realtionship.

Emotional abuse is still a form of abuse, and sharing her fears manipulates you into staying.

It's not easy but do waht is BEST for you .

Beruthiel

First off, there are no guarantees in life, especially with people. You can both hope it will last, and maybe it will, but people constantly change and unless you both change in directions that the other one can live with, then it will not last. However, it is impossible to live without hope, so you must always give it your best shot. I would say that perhaps your self esteem is probably a bit low, however in saying that, if you have been with her for x amount of time and still don’t feel comfortable then perhaps all is not well, something is lacking.

maybe they do not understand me and quite often take some of my feelings for granted

have you discussed this with her?

It is possible that they fear building it up to something that could come crashing down for them at any given moment.

this is a fear for any of us who have been in more than one relationship that didn’t work, you are always more careful next time round not to build your hopes up too much.

I consider this kind of selfish as I do not believe that they should treat me in that way just to receive attention

Have you told her this is how you feel?

Something to reassure me that they are in fact as interested in me as I am in them.

if she is always getting attention from other people and doing nothing about it, then would you not think that she must be happy enough with you? If she wasn’t then she would have surely left by now.

I fear making a bad choice as I may regret it for the rest of my life

never regret any decision you make, it was right for you at the time and there is never a good reason to look back and regret if you have given it your best shot.

I am a creature of organisation and really just want this aspect of my life to be as organised as the rest of my life is.

this comment suggests to me that you are quite young, no one can organize their life to that extent, I tried when I was younger, it doesn’t work. Things change, nothing remains like I thought it would. Live for now, enjoy it and let tomorrow take care of itself. If you are not happy with what you have then move on.

Typedef

No comment.

To be blunt, I think you're whinging.

You're with someone you say you love.... good for you.

Most of us have to put up with overtures from people we don't, and spurning from people we do.

Get over it.

Also... give you're fem my phone number...

That is all.