The Final Word on Utd vs Ars

Dr Bolouswki

Hot on the heels of ratings winner The 1900s House, where a family lived as the Victorians did, and The 1900s Press Box, where sports hacks opined as the Victorians did, comes The 1900s Office, where administrators dole out sanctimonious punishments as the Victorians did. "Disgraceful!" "Shameful!" "Appalling!" "Scandalous!" "Sick!" they over-react, charging Arsenal and Manchester United players for their parts in a minor spat - before pulling on their stovepipe hats, lighting a gas lamp, and wandering off into the smog with a view to murdering a prostitute.

Let's recap. Patrick Vieira stayed where he was after a man told him to go away (one charge of improper conduct). Jens Lehmann told the man he did not think Vieira should have been told go away (one charge of improper conduct). Martin Keown jumped very high in the air (one charge of improper conduct). Lauren looked at Ryan Giggs in a funny way (one charge of improper conduct). Giggs frowned, holding his thick-set eyebrows at a dangerous angle (one charge of improper conduct). Ashley Cole said a bad word in a working-class accent to Cristiano Ronaldo (one charge of improper conduct). Ronaldo got all hot and red in the face (one charge of improper conduct). And Lauren, Keown and Ray Parlour scared a horse and made it gallop off (loads more charges here, not exactly sure of the details though, to be honest we've confused ourselves now).

And, eh, that's it. All good clean knockabout fun, and the sort of thing we all enjoy, let's please face up to this fact once and for all. But in addition to the punishments detailed so confusingly above, the Sanctimony Association have also charged Arsenal FC with "failing to ensure the proper behaviour of their players", and wagged a stern finger in Phil Neville's face telling him to behave in future else it's the birch. Quick, throw some heavy hessian over that wagging digit, in case a nearby woman experiences the devil's rumbling in her lower abdomen!

*from The Guardian

Dustaz

lol, very good

jonno

That's one way of looking at it

Eron

Heh, vote Killah_B!! You should be on the FA disciplin board.