Perants always fighting!!

LegacyUser

Hey,

I am so annoyed at my perants they are always fighting. My real dad left me and my mother and sister when I was 3. Then about 10 years after that my mother decided to get married again. I dont think she put much thought into who she was getting married to, she only dated the guy for 2 months or so.

Now I am stuck with this d1ck of a step father who is always fighting with my mom. He is so controlling on me, and always telling me what to do. I am so sick of him. I think my mother is to, but she dusent want to admit it. He is always drunk, and one time he almost hit my sister.

Do you think I should tell my mother how I feel, I dont want to upset her or anything. All I want is for them to get divorced!!! My sister also hates him, he is also very controlling over her.

Any advice??

Thanks

Typedef

Do you think I should tell my mother how I feel

Yes.

All I want is for them to get divorced

Only, that's not really up to you.

If you can't handle it, I suggest divesting yourself from the situation, not attempting to run your mother's life for her, to suit yourself.

There is no reason your mother should leave her husband to please you, again, you can't handle it, then you have to leave.

jesus_thats_gre

Originally posted by Typedef
Yes.



Only, that's not really up to you.

If you can't handle it, I suggest divesting yourself from the situation, not attempting to run your mother's life for her, to suit yourself.

There is no reason your mother should leave her husband to please you, again, you can't handle it, then you have to leave.

I am sorry, but such a thing to say... How does that help him?

Gordon

or her. Whatever way that help/or not is; it is an up or down or negative or positive help because it has polarity as opposed to singularity.

Beruthiel

no name call please jesus!

typedef is correct in so far as yes, you should tell your mother how you feel, if you want her to listen, keep it to how you feel and don’t start calling your step father names, it won’t be constructive.
however you do not have the right to tell her how to live her life, it is up to her whither she leaves him or not. Hopefully if she listens to you she might be able to find a way to make things more comfortable for you and your sister.
You have not mentioned how old you are, you sound young, but perhaps if you are old enough then it would not be a bad idea to move out.

Victor

Are you on speaking terms with the step father? Do you feel up to asking him to tone things down?

DMT

Originally posted by annoyed
I am so annoyed at my perants they are always fighting.

What age are you now?
Do you have any contact with your real father?

phobos

A while back I was in a similar situation, but I learned to deal with it. My parents separated when I was 8, and got divorced as soon as it came in, in this country. From when I was about 14 onwards I found it difficult to cope with how my mother was living her life. Now by that I don't mean she was doing anything stupid, but rather I just found it difficult living under someone who to me seemed like I was holding back from enjoying single life. Around me I watched all my friends with two loving parents and which "seemed" to be a fairly normal family life. I think one important thing you learn when you get older is that behind every closed door problems exist. Some families will have greater problems than others, but furthermore that's not it either...it's how the indivual themselves handle the problem at hand. You may be worse off than someone else, but someone else may not be able to handle the problems they have, as well as you handle yours (do you see what I mean?). It's really is terrible when problems exist within the family because it's not as easy to walk away from the people that you love so much. So walking away is not an option, but "learning" to deal with it is.

Anyway When I was about 16 my mother met a guy that I absolutely hated. I found it extremely difficult to get on with him and several other members of my family expressed similar opinions. But years passed and my mother kept seeing him. I started to accept his ways, but exploded every now and again. I found myself in a position where I couldn't talk to my mother when I wanted, because she lost the head any time I had a bad word to say about him. He one one occasion told me something about my biological father that I had never heard before but sincerely doubted was true. I felt sick for weeks and was pretty close to the edge. On more than one occasion with drink on him both of us nearly sent fists flying. I felt that he was trying to turn me against my father, whom I still pretty much get along with. However apart from all of that he treated my mother like a princess and has never given me a reason not to trust him in that respect. Throughout the years I found it very difficult from time to time dealing with life at home, but could never afford to get a place of my own. Personally I don't agree with walking away from a problem at home because I think every member of a family owes it to the other members to sort out their differences (so in my case, I owed it to my mother not to walk away). She begged me to just accept what was happening, and not to leave. So for example if I reached a point where I just couldn't live with him, even if I could afford it, I wouldn't just leave, and live the rest of my days not talking to him. That would really hurt Mom, I know for a fact. I know plenty of people that just don't talk to members of their family after some petty argument they had years earlier. Life is too short IMO.

Anyway (sorry for rambling)...I'm now 23 and just this summer my mother married that very man. Myself and him still have our differences, but *** we are just two very different people. For once I know (for sure) my mother is happy. My younger brother was only a year old when my parents first separated so he doesnt' know what family life was like for myself, my mother, and my real father. So I know he welcomes "the family life". At home right now things are quite good, I can't complain. But I base this on how I've learned to "accept the things I cannot change".

The way I look at it, so far he hasn't mistreated your mother. There were times when I thought that my mother was just staying with my step father because she feared spending the rest of her life on her own, but unknown to me I had built up such a complex, it just appeared that way. As time passed other members of my family grew to accept him while I still had a problem, and this hurt a lot. I felt that the walls were closing in around me and I had nowhere to turn. But it was my problem...and I needed to sort it out. So what I'm saying to you is "talk to your mother" let her know "how you feel". Don't speak on behalf of your sister, let your sister talk to your mother in her own time if she needs to.

I don't know what age you are at the moment and I'd really like to know. But as long as he doesn't hit anyone in the family or step out of line, you can't expect to open your mothers eyes to a problem that you think exists. Someone said already talk to her and see if she can make home life more comfortable for you. This may require you to change to a degree or something completely different could come out of it. Nevertheless...talking is good, and never stop doing that.

Good luck to all of you

;-phobos-)

jesus_thats_gre

Apologies for the name calling.....

Fixed

WhiteWashMan

hey,i know that situation.

although i lost it when i was 16 and had a go because my step father was a drunk control freak.

i just did the usual teen angsty thing, fought, didnt speak, etc.

i look back now and think he just a loser, the only thing i dont like is that he is even worse now, but he has split up from my mum which is good. although he sees my younger brother who is only 13 and is now getting to the stage where he doesnt want to see his father either.

not much help i know, but it does get easier the older and more independent you get.

with regards your parents, its up to them what the decide to do. you cant force some ultimatum on your mother just because you dont like your step father. to be honest, while its your family business, its not your relationship to mess about it.
leave them to find their own route. by all means discuss your feelings and fears, and that will bring you and your mother and sister together. youd be amazed what people will do when they find out they have solidatity on their side and the love and help of the rest of the family. it could be your mother needs the support to leave him, or you might find your mother telling you things about her relationship you never knew before that will open your eyes.
either way, itrs good to talk.
dont make assume.

it makes an ass out of u and me

and always love and support your mum

Hobbes

Call Childline (1800 666 666)

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Thanks for the advice.

I am 17 now and busy doing my last year at school(6th).

I spoke to my mother last night. She told me a few things. She said she loves him, and HOPES things can work out. She also says she disagree's with the way he treats me and my sister. She is also very annoyed at the way they are fighting. My mom is very religeous(sp) and when she got married the second time, the bibles tells he she can only get divorced if the man commits adultry(as my real father did), she said this is also one of the reasons she dusent want to leave, but she said if it gets really bad, she will leave him.

My real father hasnt tried to contact us in many years(13). So last summer me and my sis decided to phone him(he says in England). We went and visited him and it was okay. But all my aunts, uncles and everyone related to him say stay away, and he is not a good man. So Im not too sure either what to do about this. But anyway this is another issue, Ill have to work out with my mom, or something.

thanks again.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by annoyed
I spoke to my mother last night. She told me a few things. She said she loves him, and HOPES things can work out. She also says she disagree's with the way he treats me and my sister

You sound like this talk with your mother helped! I would suggest that you concentrate on your studies and leaving cert. Remember, you and your sister will not be living with your mother forever, if she does love him then she also deserves to be happy and to have someone when you guys are off making a life for yourselves. Continue to talk with her as I believe it helps you and her, it will keep you close and I think will help with your mental state. She needs you to understand her side too I think. I understand how difficult it is for her to care for you and to care for him, being ‘piggy in the middle’ is no fun let me tell you.

as for your father, I never could understand a parent who did not want to know their own child. A child is a precious gift which can bring such joy to your life and make each day easier to live because you have someone who needs you to take care of them. It is his own loss if he does not see it this way. He knows where you are and how to contact you, leave it at that. Get on with your own life and take care of yourself, secure in the knowledge that nothing about this situation is your fault.
work hard this year, your new life is just beginning!
good luck
B