Relationships - Who Pays?

ringzer

What are peoples opinions on the paying for stuff issue when you're going out with someone? Is it always the guy or is it 50/50?

As a guy, I'm willing to pay for most stuff, but its nice when the girl makes the effort to pay. I'm happy paying for about 60/70% of stuff, but not 100%, thats just not on. If I was just after starting to date someone and she paid for nothing at all, then I wouldnt bother with her.

I'm currently in New York and have been going out with an American girl for about 3 months or so. For the first 2 dates, I brought her out on surprises - 1st. Cruise around NY, 2nd. Foo Fighters Concert, both including dinner But, she returned the favour the following time, bringing me to a really nice restaurant and a Broadway show. Ever since then we've taken it in turns to organise big dates, splitting the cost pretty much evenly. However, I tend to buy other small stuff for her - ie a drink or two if we go out for just a while, or usual small stuff.

So I'm interested in hearing peoples opinions, especially girls. My last Irish girlfriend was quite a while ago, so please girls, restore my faith in Irish girls. I've avoided ye for a while! But I'm going home in a few weeks and rearing to "Go Irish" again!!

Ciaran

Hobbes

Depends on the person / country. For example, it is an insult in South Korea to go dutch.

Think this subject has been discussed before.

Victor

It doesn't need to be equal, but it should be balanced.

Amz

I like to pay for as much as possible, I feel bad if I think he's paying for a lot of things. I feel guilty if he's bought a lot and I'm broke and feel that I can't return the gesture even in a small way. I feel guilty taking things from people unless I can return the gesture as soon as possible beit drinks, a bar of chocolate or something else. It's just the way I am and I know people have argued with me (mates usually) that they're earning more than me and thus should pay more I don't feel that way though.

*shrug*

Hard to explain although I know I annoy people with it sometimes

ferdi

in ireland today it is impossible for the average guy to pay for everything, its not going to happen - TOO FUPPIN EXSPENSIVE. i'll open doors and give jackets in the rain all day long however.

Doodee

its depends.
If you are willing to pay for something, then its grand.
If they expect it, then it is not.

normally on the first couple of dates guys (i myself) will pay for stuff.

I havent really had a case where they didn't return the gesture, but i dont think i give them an opportunity

/me shrugs.

Cabaal

If me and my girlfriend go out I';m willing to pay for the two of us, lets say if we went to the cinema.
But rarely does she actually allow me to.

In my experience its down to the person.

loismustdie

it should be balanced, the lad shouldn't pay any more than half just because he's a lad though but whatever happens happens. it's tedious to argue over who pays and embarrassing too. some girls have a thing where they don't like going to counters or ordering stuff and then it's really awkward

simu

For me it's pretty much 50/50, I don't like feeling indebted to other people. In fact, I don't understand girls who expect to be paid for 100% of the time(do they actually still exist in this day and age?) - that would feel like prostitution!

smiles

I tend to try and pay for about half the stuff in a relationship, I also tend to glower at the guy who tries to pay for everything.

<< Fio >>

Silverfish

Its always been 50/50 for me, all the time. I'm not really happy if he's paying for everything.

If he brings me out, then sure he pays if its his idea, but next time, I'll pay, it doesn't have to be 50/50 on the specific night out in question.

I don't really earn a huge huge amount, but I'm more than happy to pay all the time up to what I can afford if he's broke all the time however. Doesn't matter to me, its not about the money, its about being with the person.

Dakeyras

I had a girlfriend who actually got quite offended if i tried to pay for the whole thing, well not offended really but very adamant about going 50/50 or taking it time about. The only things which were completely open to the whole person paying for was like a surprise holiday or weekend away or the like, she never had a problem with that. But for going out for dinner it was 50/50 or i got a slap in the head and the same with drinks, round about really. Though i still have this little nagging old-fashioned voice in the back of me head saying that i should pay for it

damn voices in the head, they never stop

malico

Like has been said, usually its I pay day one, she pays day 2 etc. Makes for a better relationship all round..

But, of course the credit card companies think the man should pay for everything

The Corinthian

If a guy asks a girl out on a first date then there’s no harm in paying for it. If you’re paying for the lion’s share of things after the second or third date and you’re living in a country where gender equality is relatively balanced, then get rid of her. She’s a parasite.

Alternatively, pay but let her know that you expect to practice anal sex on her later in return.

Typedef

If you invite the other, then it's pretty much you're remit to pay for what you invite them to.

Example, I invite a girl to dinner, the implication is I'm inviting her out to dinner on me....
and some food too.

In any case, the same goes for "the few enlightened females" who will actually invite you (or rather me) out to dinner.


Then again, if I invited a chick away on holiday, it would really depend on a) the cost and b) the State of the relationship on what I would and wouldn't pay for, but, in the main, for large amounts of money being spent, there's close to no chance I'd pay for a girl <= girlfriend status, where girl >= fiancee status, gets everything paid for, gets your car, gets to have her hair done 3 times per week, a peticure a manicure (all on your plastic) and half of everything you own.... and then... maybe you get free sex (tm).

I'm glad we had the chance to chat.

Trojan

We all pay in the end.

Typedef

Oh... you'll pay..........

ToxicPaddy

You're always going to find a girl who tries to get you to pay for everything.. no matter where you go there is always one or two.. and they arent too hard to spot...

But to be honest they are far and few between, most girls now days almost always insist on paying their share, while the first few dates a guy will usually cover the costs, if it turns into something more then is seems to even out and while it doesnt come down to getting the oul calculator out at every bill, its a case of Ill get the cinema tickets and you get the munchies type thing.. if ya know what I mean...

So I wouldnt write Irish girls off just yet, just like anywhere else there are one or two who ya wouldnt touch but most are sound out, level headed and willing to pay their way...

Tox

Benbaz

Yeah, I've no problems paying for everything on a first date especially if I've asked the girl out. But I always do a little test. If she doesn't offer to pay for the the drinks at about the third round well then that's a very big black mark against her.
If she does offer I'll tend not to let her pay but it's just the offering that's enough to gauge if she's a parasite or not!!
And if she does expect you to pay for everything well I'll have to opt for "The Corinthian's" advice................

pay but let her know that you expect to practice anal sex on her later in return.

Pure class!!!

B.

Saruman

My new girlfriend (yay im no longer single ) likes things even. We pay half & half, OR i pay for one thing and next time she pays. Thing is she is pretty broke and does not have much money, i dont have that problem SO more often than not i offer to pay, sometimes i force her to accept. For instance there was a top she wanted but she needed money, she gave me the top to hold saying she needed to go find a bank machine. I told her i think there is one to the right around the corner.. i immediatly went to the teller and got it on credit card, she came back just before i was done saying "im paying you back" and i was saying "no your not" i finally relented and said something like "fine but in your own way and not with money hehe make it up to me later" the teller was in stitches

So it depends on the girl and circumstances. We bought dinner one night, she was to go half, i did not remind her but next day she rememebered and went to an ATM, i said no need to pay me and she said i want to. so i said "ok just give me half, which is €10" she was fine with that.

So in short take it as it comes. If you like to spoil her do so but never do it all the time. If i bought everything she took a fancy to I would be broke too and she would see me as a walking credit card and not a boyfriend... though in fairness i am more than that. Thats a topic for one of those "Love at first sight threads" or "Have you found the one?"

ringzer

Thanks for all the replies, but I feel that most of them are from guys. I want some girls opinions. I've a feeling that as students, girls would tend to pay for about half, but I think that as you get older, it shifts back to the guy again. As students just dont really have the money to be splashing out, its just follows that they tend to pay for half, or at least I hope so! The reason I say that, was because I was practically a grown up for the last 6 months as I was doing an internship which pays "real job" wages and going out with a girl with a real job. I'll probably get burned big time when my money starts to run out, but hey what can you do. Money is for spending!

Originally posted by Saruman
so i said "ok just give me half, which is €10" she was fine with that.

I thought Ireland was getting more expensive to go out? Where did you go for a €20 meal? Burger King?

Silent Grape

my boyfriends crap, either everything is split down the middle,or else im the one buying him the odd drink etc to be nice. i wouldnt mind but if he buys me a coke he asks for the money back.

grumble.

Zombrex

Originally posted by Silent Grape
my boyfriends crap, either everything is split down the middle,or else im the one buying him the odd drink etc to be nice. i wouldnt mind but if he buys me a coke he asks for the money back.

grumble.

You need a man who will appreciate you ... I am currently single

simu

Thanks for all the replies, but I feel that most of them are from guys. I want some girls opinions. I've a feeling that as students, girls would tend to pay for about half, but I think that as you get older, it shifts back to the guy again. As students just dont really have the money to be splashing out, its just follows that they tend to pay for half, or at least I hope so! The reason I say that, was because I was practically a grown up for the last 6 months as I was doing an internship which pays "real job" wages and going out with a girl with a real job. I'll probably get burned big time when my money starts to run out, but hey what can you do. Money is for spending!

I replied, I'm a woman.

I reiterate, letting someone else pay your way is not on IMO. Maybe older women do this because things were different when they were growing up but I've always been taught that one should be independent and it would really disturb me if a guy insisted on paying for everything - surely, you would feel (even subconsciously) that you were obliged to pay him back in some other way like pretending to agree with him when you don't or putting more emphasis on his pleasure than on your own when you're having sex. That would make for a pretty unhealthy relationship IMO.

Pigman II

First off this idea of going 60/40, 70/30 is even worse than 50/50 and is actually insulting and stupid.

My own system is

1. If it's drink then do the rounds system. (Don't pay for a womans drink fellas)

2. If it's a meal then the person who does the inviting pays for it all. (Of course this doesn't apply if you find yourself with a woman who's fond of habitually 'inviting herself' out to dinner.)

But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter who finances what because in any relationship the man will ALWAYS PAY....

Silverfish

Er, hold on a minute there.

The last few guys I've gone out with, had no money. None. Whatsoever. So sooner than sit in every night, I wanted them to get out and enjoythemselves too, so I would bring them out, and pay for everything, drink, food, taxis, everything.

I actually don't see how they 'always pay' in the slightest.

buttons malone

I would bring them out, and pay for everything, drink, food, taxis, everything.

Are they brad pitt lookalikes??

Pigman II

Originally posted by Silverfish


I actually don't see how they 'always pay' in the slightest.

Yes, I see clearly that you don't.

Payment in this case refers to non-finanical methods.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Silverfish
I actually don't see how they 'always pay' in the slightest.

Chumps are gender neutral.

nadir

Originally posted by Wicknight
You need a man who will appreciate you ... I am currently single

ROFL

i dont really have much of an opinion, I guess it should just be whatever is best under the circumstances, dont really see how you could say it should be 50/50 generically when most relationships are very different.