She SLeeps...

BEAT

I miss nature when it slumbers
'neath the snow,
Taking time for the seedlings
to grow.

The winter chill brings
Fire to the Hearth,
Embers burn wildly as we
Gather round for warmth.

Familiar aroma's fill
the air,
Reminding us the Holiday season
is so near.

From young & old the
stories are told,
The laughter & tears
of so many years.

The harshness of winter
set in,
Wishes of spring & seeing
green again.

Alone in your bed those long
winter nights,
the embers die and the chill bites.

Spring months approach
your hopes are steadfast,
To see the sun again,
to feel the grass.

Old man winter he plays
a nasty trick,
Allowing the frost to melt
for a single daytrip.

You jump, run & yell
Hooray,
Laughing he says,
I'll give you this
one day.

Night falls & you think
he is over,
Morning sun rises and
you hoped you'd see clovers...

To your dismay you step outside
and say,
Oh Mother Nature please Awake!

You'd given up hope
your dream's gone astray,
Alas, she is out of her slumber,
It's time to play!



I just wrote this as I sat down at the pc, hope it isnt too aweful...but I am sure thaed will let me know
I will re-read it later

Roller Toaster

It's a nice little poem but theres a few pointers I'd like to make. These aren't criticisms but just thoughts on the poem.
Firsty I think switching these 2 verses would help with the flow of the poem a lot more, it looks to me like it was almost an error and having altered and re-read it with these two verses swapped it just feels a whole lot better. The two verses I'm talking about are:

Spring months approach
your hopes are steadfast,
To see the sun again,
to feel the grass.

Old man winter he plays
a nasty trick,
Allowing the frost to melt
for a single daytrip.

Otherwise you have this transition into Spring and then suddenly this line about Winter. Theres this sort of almost mix up over winter too, at first you seem to be almost enjoying it for bringing the family together around the fire and then suddenly you're in a cold bed on your own. Also just from personal tastes the fact that the second line of nearly every verse is only one or two words makes it quite hard to read and the fact that each verse itself is pretty short makes the poem feel faster than it should, unless it's meant to feel like the year passing quickly by but a slower more reflective layout would help a lot. Heres what I would have done (I haven't altered any of the words much, just the layout):

"She Sleeps

The harshness of winter sets in,
Wishes of spring & seeing green again.
I miss nature when it slumbers 'neath the snow,
Taking time for the seedlings to grow.

The winter chill brings fire to the Hearth,
Embers burn wildly as we gather round for warmth.
Familiar aroma's fill the air, reminding us the Holiday season is so near.
From young & old the stories are told,
The laughter & tears of so many years.

Old man winter he plays a nasty trick,
Allowing the frost to melt for a single daytrip.
You jump, run & yell Hooray,
Laughing he says, I'll give you this one day.

Night falls & you think he is over,
Morning sun rises and you hoped you'd see clovers...
To your dismay you step outside
and say, Oh Mother Nature please Awake!

Alone in your bed those long winter nights,
the embers die and the chill bites.
Spring months approach
your hopes are steadfast,
To see the sun again and to feel the grass.

You'd given up hope
your dream's gone astray,
Alas, she is out of her slumber,
It's time to play!"




That's just my view of it all, hope you like the changes I made but I still think it's a pretty cool poem even if I did totally remix it

BEAT

I want to thank you for taking such an interest, and although I do appreciate your comments and found what you did interesting...
The way I have it structured is deliberate. If you read it again you will see that it starts with winter, the person enjoys it at first until the holidays have passed, now they wish spring would hurry and get here...then a sunny day appears and they thought spring had come, it didnt, not until the end where they had given up hope...
Basically, winter is okay in the first month then it begins the long hull and all we do is wait for spring.
The way it is written is also a specific style measured in poetry writing.

Thanks again, glad you enjoyed it enough to move things around

Roller Toaster

Well thats what makes poetry so great, that peoples' own views and interpretations always differ and thats why poetry has so much depth to it. I see what you mean about the whole trick aspect that Winter plays now, before I suppose I was reading it in too linear a fashion to pick up on that. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your stuff soon.

BEAT

Thanks , I will be posting another one by the end of the week, things are so hectic lately I havn't the time to write...I also wrote a short storY the other night, I will be posting it as well.