Microsoft Announces Ads for BSOD

Capt'n Midnight

In an effort to boost sagging revenue growth, Microsoft today announced it will begin selling advertising space on the company's world famous Blue Screen of Death (BSOD)©. The screen, displayed whenever Windows cannot recover from an error in the operating system's core, until now has historically served as a display of unintelligible diagnostic data that has not made any sense to anyone, ever, according to a survey conducted by the Gartner Group. In addition, the BSOD has scared most users because it was composed mainly of hexadecimal digits that, which in extreme cases, can lead to hallucinations, epileptic seizures and homosexuality in primates and rats.


The Bud Screen of Death
"Past efforts to make the blue screen more helpful by adding animated characters and changing the hue to a more user-friendly beige or aqua have failed," said head of BSOD Development Kate Verban. "When we failed to make the BSOD user-friendly, we decided that at least it could generate revenue. Displayed more than a billion times a day globally, the blue screen has a captive audience, with over 90 percent of the computer desktops in the world. This makes it an excellent platform for advertisers, comparable only to the Super Bowl and makes watching the blue screen just about as exciting."

Tom Gordon, Director of Marketing for Anheuser-Busch, confirmed today that the beverage giant will be among the first advertisers, "We think it's a tremendous opportunity," said Gordon. "Picture this, you're working late at night on a crucial project. Your computer crashes. You've lost all your important work. It's definitely time for a beer, and we'll be there to remind you that the beer should be a beechwood-aged Budweiser."

For earlier versions of Windows, the BSOD ads will be installed using the Windows Update feature. However, Windows XP systems connected to the Internet will automatically install the new software in the middle of the night when no one is looking.

TheSonOfBattles

Haha, maybe someone will hax it with a new virus so that instead of selling bud, it sells Linux or Unix.

irishguy

wouldnt that be the best hack ever full page ad for Linux when your computer dies

Pugsley

Hmmm, linux ads when windows crash's, that'd have a LOT of people on the floor laughing

Havelock

Some one has to hack that into the new MicroSoft OS. It would be legend.

Capt'n Midnight

In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve Ballmer
revealed that the Redmond based company will allow computer resellers and
end-users to customize the appearance of the Blue Screen of Death
(abbreviated BSOD), the screen that displays when the Windows operating
system crashes.

The move comes as the result of numerous focus groups and customer surveys
done by Microsoft. Thousands of Microsoft customers were asked, "What do
you spend the most time doing on your computer?" A surprising number of
respondents said, "Staring at a Blue Screen of Death". At 54 percent, it
was the top answer, beating the second place answer "Downloading
Pornography" by an easy 12 points.

Windows User Survey

"We immediately recognized this as a great opportunity for ourselves, our
channel partners, and especially our customers." explained the excited
Ballmer to a room full of reporters.

Immense video displays were used to show images of the new customizable
BSOD screen side-by-side with the older static version. Users can select
from a collection of "BSOD Themes", allowing them to instead have a Mauve
Screen of Death or even a Paisley Screen of Death. Graphics and multimedia
content can now be incorporated into the screen, making the BSOD the
perfect conduit for delivering product information and entertainment to
Windows users.

The Blue Screen of Death is by far the most recognized feature of the
Windows (tm) operating system, and as a result, Microsoft has historically
insisted on total control over its look-and-feel. This recent departure
from that policy reflects Microsoft's recognition of the Windows desktop
itself as the "ultimate information portal." By default, the new BSOD will
be configured to show a random selection of Microsoft product information
whenever the system crashes. Microsoft channel partners can negotiate with
Microsoft for the right to customize the BSOD on systems they ship.

Major computer resellers such as Compaq, Gateway, and Dell are already
lining up for premier placement on the new and improved BSOD.

Balmer concluded by getting a dig in against the Open Source community.
"This just goes to show that Microsoft continues to innovate at a much
faster pace than open source. I have yet to see any evidence that Linux even has a BSOD, let alone a customizable one."

entropi

Originally posted by TheSonOfBattles
Haha, maybe someone will hax it with a new virus so that instead of selling bud, it sells Linux or Unix.

ROFL