Think your'e having a bad day??

steviem

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out
section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest
fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete
with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A
post-mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but
from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It
was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off
the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters,
seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in
a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was
dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip
bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
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Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio,his wife nearby in
the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally
slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was
dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. His wife,
hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and
bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called
for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large
hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the
paramedics and escort them to her husband. While the attendants were
loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and
push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline
with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. After being
treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered
patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the
bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to
his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with
his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and
groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic
crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the
stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn
himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped,
the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the
remaining stairs, breaking his arm.


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Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse... The
average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild
amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full
view, a killer whale ate them both.


_____________________________________________
Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the
kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some
kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him
with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to
Walkman.


_______________________________________________
STILL think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at
the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.
Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a
broken fence,stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were
trampled to death.


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What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough
postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with "return to sender" stamped on
it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was
blown to bits. There now,feeling better?

Pugsley

ROFL!! brilliance!! brilliance!!

Dooom

LOL very good. the seal incident with the killer whale is something that'd happen in an episode of the simpsons. im sure if there was audio one could probably hear amidst the gasps of horror from the audience a "D'oh!"

John R

Those have been around for ages, they are all total crap of course.

Ivan

Originally posted by John R
Those have been around for ages, they are all total crap of course.

Good Contribution!

KdjaCL

Originally posted by Spike
LOL very good. the seal incident with the killer whale is something that'd happen in an episode of the simpsons. im sure if there was audio one could probably hear amidst the gasps of horror from the audience a "D'oh!"

It was cant remember exactly but it was in one episode somfin like it.

Funny stories tho

kdjac

de5p0i1er

Heard them before, they still remind me that my job could be worse.

Havelock

the seal one is class, pity its not real. i'd pay good money to see video footage of it.

Obscure

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/scuba.htm

John R

Lots more similar stories here http://www.snopes.com/


Background to those particular ones:

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/scuba.htm

http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.htm

http://www.snopes.com/spoons/legends/toilet.htm

Originally posted by Ivan
Good Contribution!

I'm sorry that it didn't meet your high standard IvAn, of course with posts of this level of brilliance I have a long way to go.

NeoSlicerZ

rofl , brilliant

Tyrrial

indeed a lesson to be leared by everyone.. dont' be a seal, scuba diver or own your own moterbike or wife.

Acidflash

real or not they're still funny

Cake Fiend

From snopes:

Helitankers (choppers bearing a fixed tank) suck up water through a hose known as a "donkey dick."

I found this funnier than the post tbh.

kanurocks

lol lol lol lol thats just class pure class .and especially the bomb to top it off .