women jokes

Vader

A GIRLS PRAYER

Lord,

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong,

One whose willy's thick and long.

One who thinks before he speaks,

When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,

And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind,

Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,

In the hall, the loo, the garden and the kitchen!

I pray that this man will love me no end,

And never attempt to sh ag my best friend.

And as I kneel and pray by my bed,

I look at the ####### you sent me instead.

Amen.

Vader

Lord,

I pray for a girl with nice tits.

Amen.

LoneGunM@n

I love it

Vader

its not just a rating I want I want ye to contribute jokes as well!
Recomend the post to others too, im dying for a womans opinion!

Vader

a womans opinion!

Thats the joke

superconor

i expect a violent backlash from this but wat the hell....

My Collection Of Chauvinist Jokes

why did the woman cross the road?

Never mind that, why is she out of the kitchen?

how many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

None! let her cook in the dark!

Why do women have breasts?

so you have something to look at when you talking to them!

avatar

God was talking to Eve in the garden of Eden.
"Eve, are you not happy, here in paradise?"
"Well, lord, there's just one small problem...."
"What's that, my daughter?"
"it's this third breast.... it gets in the way and it's uncomfortable..."
So, God removes Eve's extra.... appendage, and throws it away. And all is well, until one day....
"Eve, you seem sad...."
"Yes lord.... there are two of all the animals. A male and a female. There's only one of me...."
"Of course! How could I forget? I'll make a man for you, but I'll need some flesh... where'd I leave that useless t1t?"

That was the feminist one, and now for all you pu$$y whipped lads out there....

First God created the Earth, and rested....
Then God created man, and rested....
Then God vreated woman, and neither god nor man has rested since.

Vader

Three sluts are sitting at a bar.
1st slut: See that beer bottle. I can fit that all the way up my pu$$y.
2nd slut: Thats nothing. I can fit my whole arm up my pu$$y.
3rd slut: Girls stop bragging.

Then she uncrosses her legs and slides down the bar stool.

simu

Recomend the post to others too, im dying for a womans opinion!

Well, okay, I'm a woman - here's what I think:

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong,

Up to this point, ok.

One whose willy's thick and long.

Length dosen't matter all that much - stop giving complexes to men about it!

One who thinks before he speaks, When promises to call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Very 1950s

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Ditto.

Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind, Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"

Yawn, cliché.

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, In the hall, the loo, the garden and the kitchen!

In the loo? That's kinda gross!:)

I pray that this man will love me no end, And never attempt to shag my best friend.

Makes her sound like some sad, insecure teenager.

And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the ####### you sent me instead.

Sad, nobody forced her to pick the guy.

It's a bit clichéd (too clichéd to be offensive even - I like offensive jokes sometimes) and not that funny IMO. That's the problem with this type of joke - most of the material is hackneyed and based more on women on TV than women in real life.

Tyrrial

it's an easy way to pass a few mins, i like this thread

LoLth

Old but still my favourite sexist joke:

why do kitchens have windows?

so women can have a point of view

Vader

simu your more than welcome to post a joke about men and see how hard it is to say somthing new on a very old topic.
The thing about a cliché is that its a classic that will never stop being funny.
Oh and by the way

Makes her sound like some sad, insecure teenager

thats what I was hoping for.

simu

simu your more than welcome to post a joke about men and see how hard it is to say somthing new on a very old topic.

I don't want to make anti-man jokes because I like (most) men actually and it's practically impossible to find something that applies to all men (ditto for women).

The thing about a cliché is that its a classic that will never stop being funny.

I always thought that clichés were a bit boring - that's why they're clichés. For example, Irish ppl are all supposed to have red hair etc - where the *hell* did ppl get that idea? NEway, just goes to show how ppl's senses of humour differ.

LoLth

---

Red hair
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Red hair is a hair color shared by several species, among them humans, orangutans and horses. Although red hair in the human population is most commonly associated with those of British or Irish descent, red or reddish-tinged hair can be found in many parts of the world. Some believe that the cluster of red-heads in the British Isles can be associated with Pictish or Celtic ancestry and certainly Scotland has the highest proportion of red-heads of any country worldwide with 13% of the population having red hair.

It is estimated that between 2% and 5% of the United States population have red hair.

Red hair is significantly thicker than the hair of people of European descent with other hair colours. The numerical density of hairs on the head in red-heads is also lower.

---

http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_hair

maybe that would explain part of it?

Almost any joke, no matter how funny requires a little bit of suspension of disbelief. If you analyze it as if it is a serious statement then it would be german humour.

Vader

Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken

Matfinn

Simu

Chill out. dont take that clever little rhyme so seriously. Its a joke!

Matt

Duffman

My favourite which you *can't* take seriously... I feel a ban coming on:

What's the difference between a woman and a cup of tea?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.... You can beat a woman but you just can't beat a good cup of tea...

Vader

Duffmans right were all going to be banned as soon as the moderator wakes up, soooooooo might as well be hung for a penny as for a pound!!

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

simu

Simu Chill out. dont take that clever little rhyme so seriously. Its a joke! Matt

I can't help being analytical and Vadar *did* ask what ppl thought of it.:)

The Harvard/Yale etc joke is pretty funny actually. On the other, the tea joke is in *very* poor taste. (Plus, you probably could beat a cup of tea but it would spill and the fragments of the cup would cut your skin).

Duffman

Originally posted by simu

(Plus, you probably could beat a cup of tea but it would spill and the fragments of the cup would cut your skin).

oh, that's a joke? ah....



*cough*

....................... Tumbleweed.................. and so forth...

simu

It made me laugh! But then again, my sense of humour is... err... em... somewhat skewed, or so ppl keep telling me:)

Why did the woman cross the road?
Because the man told her to

Why did the other woman cross the road with a black eye?
Cause she had to be told twice

Shiminay

Not too sure I like where this thread is going, so lets leave it at that.

I'm not handing out any bannings today though - I just couldn't be arsed!