How did you come out?

Annasopra

Thought I'd start a new discussion as there doesn't seem to be much posting anything here lately

I first came out about a year ago to a friend of mine by text message. I had had coffee with her the day before and had started to say it but couldn't bring myself to. She then accidentally sent a text message to me "He's gay, I won the bet" which was meant for someone else. I was a bit pissed off but it was only a joke. After that she bought me a book called power thinking, which I still haven't read yet.

After that it became easier and I told a few more people and then a few more and then suddenly one day I got really brave.
I bought an anti homophobic motion before the student council in my college and then went " well obviously I'm bringing this forward cause I'm gay" there was stunned silence, followed by a round of applause started by the friend above. I was actually disappointed because people came up to me and said things like "we knew already"

The strange thing is though I haven't come out at home yet.
Its strange for several reasons. My Uncle is gay and my parents get on very well with him. They have always dropped little hints here and there about gay things. I don't know it's weird!

tendofan

I'm not out to many, but I was having coffee with a mate, and I just said "I've met someone. His name's <insert name here>".
She just said "Ah.. labels.. feic 'em." So that was nice. :-)

A good period of time later, I was in the car with one of my oldest mates, and I'd been having a rough time over he-who-shall-not-be-named and the conversation went

Him: "You're in bad form."
Me: "Well, um.. I'm a bit of a puff and right now it's a bit ****e.."
Him: "Oh I dunno.. I'm quite fond of it."
Me: <silence>
Me: "You f***in' _git_!"

As for family.. oh, well, haven't gone near that one yet. No doubt they'll be initially unhappy, and hopefully will come around. I'd expect my father to be worse than my Mum. Siblings could prove interesting...

At the end of the day, I think one tells the people one can afford to lose, or rather you tell people when you're strong enough to risk losing them.

Tendofan.

solice

when i was 14 i told my mam and dad that there is a big chance that "i may be gay"

but the first person i ever said those three little words too "i am gay" was amnesiac_ie (he uses boards).
after that i told a friend of mine and then moved on to my family.

it was 2 weeks before christmas last year and i was sitting on the couch, my brother across from me. i started crying, i couldnt control it, he came over to me and sat next to me and gave me a hug and sai that no matter what it was it would be ok. i said, "im really sorry for this but i am gay", he laughed and said that it was cool. i felt like ****e but it was the first family member i told. we were at home on our own and he was suppossed to go home to his wife but he didnt want to leave me on my own, just in case.
i persuaded him to leave, i had planned to tell my parents that night but did ot want to be forced in to it and i would have been if he was still home when they got home.

dad went to mass and it was me and my mother at home on our own, once again i started crying and telling her how sorry i was, she started crying and said that it didnt matter what i did that it will be ok, so i said, (in sobbing and crying way) "mam, im really sorry but i am gay", she gave me a hug and said it was a phase. i pulled away and said it wasnt, so far the phase has lasted 18 years, mam, im gay. we cried,

then dad came home and i told him, he was the best about it, he even made a joke about the whole thing. he was cool.

4 months later i told my next brother, i told him on the way to mass, i have great timing. after mass we had a big long talk, he said some stupid things but we are cool now and he is a good brother and friend, but i wish he would stop borrowing my clothes.

i told my last brother at the start of this summer, we dont really talk anymore. its not because im gay, but because we really never got on that well. this just topped it.

after that i told more and more of my friends and at this stage im almost 100% out. im not going telling the ppl in my class as i know for definite that it wouldnt go down too well, but its cool.

HerrLipp

told a few of my more alternative friends when I was 18. told one friend while we were in leaving cert study class and passing notes around. they were all pretty cool about it. Only told the rest of my friends last year. Got a cool reaction then as well. Haven't told anyone in my family, don't think they'd react badly to it, but then again we have trouble talking about normal stuff, so would have to get that sorted out before I could tell them i was gay

moridin

I told one of my friends by sending him a pic of myself and my ex-bf and telling him this was who I was dating... it took the poor guy a while to cop on

Parents I ended up just telling after that same breakup cos I was really ****ed up afterwards and didn't want to have to pretend to be fine. It was okay I guess, they kinda knew from some stuff that'd happened a couple of years before that but thought I'd grown outta it.

Then I got asked if that meant I liked to dress in womens clothing, which was pretty funny at the time, hahaha

johnjay

I told my bisexual flatmate, and his boyfriend, in a pub in Edinburgh. They were pissing me off so much by trying to set me up with their female friend that I just said “look, I’m gay” and then stood up and walked to the toilet – it was the first time I ever seen them stuck for words!

… I told my lesbian friend when we were both sitting at the bar in the George on a Friday nite – she thought I was just being nice by accompanying her to the George!!

I told 2 of my old college friends a few months back. I started by saying “look, I have something to tell you…” – afterwards they gave out to me because I frightened the crap out of them – they thought I was gonna say that I was dying, or something!!

My family I haven’t told yet, and I don’t think I will for a long, long time! They all live in bogger land and I’d say they think there are about 4 gay men in the world – including David Norris, Graham Norton and yerman that works in the local shoe-shop! Anyway, they live at the other end of the country, so they don’t need to know!!

Annasopra

A person I know was at an LGB college society event and bought home some of the documentation.

His mother was tidying his room and found something with LGB written on it.

She asked him what does LGB stand for.
He replied "Ladies and Gents Basketball"
Not being stupid she said to him "you're tto small to play basketball"

Lukin Black

Originally posted by tendofan
Me: "Well, um.. I'm a bit of a puff and right now it's a bit ****e.."

I know it must've been bad for you at the time, but that was funny

Originally posted by tendofan
At the end of the day, I think one tells the people one can afford to lose, or rather you tell people when you're strong enough to risk losing them.

That's what stopped me coming out to anyone in real life yet. That plus the paranoia that they'll go tell someone they 'trust', and soon enough every man and his dog will know.

Shinji

At the end of the day, I think one tells the people one can afford to lose, or rather you tell people when you're strong enough to risk losing them.

Bit of a negative outlook, isn't it? I'd personally be a strong believer in telling people when I trust and respect them enough, and know them well enough, to know that I'll never have to face losing them over something as unimportant as that.

Lukin Black

Originally posted by Shinji
Bit of a negative outlook, isn't it? I'd personally be a strong believer in telling people when I trust and respect them enough, and know them well enough, to know that I'll never have to face losing them over something as unimportant as that.

I think it's a very important thing for many people that still haven't told anyone. I imagine that telling the first person would get you over that. Though what on earth do you do then, I think that's something that scares me. What do you say?

By the way, I'm gay. Could you pass the salt?

As someone who isn't particulary open emotionally (understatement), what goes after is a terrifying thought. Anyway, sorry for going OT, I'm sure there's other threads on coming out advice. I'll go look

ixoy

Oh hello people-of-the-board. Thought I'd post here.

First came out, I guess, was to a school friend. After my leaving (making it the Summer of '97). Was full of awkard pauses as my mouth worked to spit out what I was trying to say. After an hour or so, I finally got to saying that I liked men, rather than saying I was gay. It was good enough. The subsequent time, a year later, had me also hopping and jumping around the subject. I wanted it to be smooth, interject it at just the right moment Of course my mate, eventually, got up, said, "I'm going for a piss and when I come back you're telling me exactly what the hell you're on about!" He came back, I did.

After that it varied from person to person....Never found a smooth way to say it to my own ears. And never got a "we know already", generally surprise/shockk. Oh well makes the thing more interesting I guess

STaN

i wont re-paste it, but if you want to read how i came out, its an a thread from a few months back

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?postid=576431#post576431

yellum

My coming out story is kinda in there too. Theres a detailed one somewhere else. Will find it later.

tendofan

I wrote...

At the end of the day, I think one tells the people one can afford to lose, or rather you tell people when you're strong enough to risk losing them.

Originally by shinji
Bit of a negative outlook, isn't it? I'd personally be a strong believer in telling people when I trust and respect them enough, and know them well enough, to know that I'll never have to face losing them over something as unimportant as that.

I can see how it would read quite negatively - I don't mean it to. What I mean is that even when I feel that I know someone well, and that they probably wouldn't have a problem, I always reserve the right to be wrong, and on that basis, one has to be prepared for the fallout... or falling out. :-)

I suppose that one never knows what's happened in ones' friends' lives that might colour their attitude, e.g. A friend of mine (female) would freak out, because two guys in her past that she had feelings for turned out to be gay, and she's been quite angry about it (irrational I know, but she has reasons that are not entirely invalid.)