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The Jerry Springer Show

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  • 11-08-2003 11:38am
    #1
    GoneShootin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,478 ✭✭✭


    The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"


    [The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]

    Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! GoneShootin is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Mark. So everyone, please put your hands together for GoneShootin!

    [The crowd whoops and hollers]

    Jerry: Okay, now GoneShootin you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

    You: Yes.

    Jerry: And what is this other person's name?

    You: Amz.

    [The crowd squeals with delight]

    Jerry: Okay, okay, well Amz, is actually here tonight ...

    [The crowd squeals]

    Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you GoneShootin, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Amp!

    You: What the HELL!!!

    [Out of nowhere you pull out a sponge. Amp reaches for the writing desk. Out of the shadows DriftingRain appears]

    DriftingRain: Wait everybody, wait!

    Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Amp.

    Amp: Because I saw GoneShootin and DriftingRain making out at Spin!

    [The crowd goes absolutely insane]

    DriftingRain: That's a lie! I was home watching The Wonder Years!

    Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Amp?

    Amp: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Mark who has recently become engaged to DriftingRain.

    [The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]

    Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Mark out here because GoneShootin had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Amz that's right!

    Mark: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Amz! You know how I feel about Amz!

    DriftingRain: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Amz!

    Mark: Because I knew that I could never have Amz. But GoneShootin promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

    DriftingRain: What about respect for my feelings!

    [Amp walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Mark]

    Amp: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

    [Again the crowd squeals]

    DriftingRain: Oh my God! Are you sick!?

    [DriftingRain runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]

    DriftingRain: GoneShootin take me away from all of this!

    You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...

    [The crowd does its bit]

    DriftingRain: Married?

    [You nod]

    DriftingRain: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!

    You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Amz.

    Mark: [screaming] WHAT!!!

    Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?

    Amz: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 0 times if that's what you mean.

    [The crowd squeals]

    Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... GoneShootin is married to Amz who Mark has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Mark has recently become engaged to DriftingRain who was recently spotted kissing GoneShootin in Spin. Now on top of this, Amp has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Mark.

    Amz: That's right Jerry.

    Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.

    [Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]


Comments

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    #2
    EdBanger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 267 ✭✭EdBanger


    That rocks GoneShooting, but its a bit of a
    injoke.jpg
    to all the neebies here


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    #3
    GoneShootin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,478 ✭✭✭GoneShootin


    Not really. The nicks are just people that came to my head when I was filling out the forms. I coulda put anyone in there really.

    You will learn, in time :)


  • Options
    #4
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Here's the obligatory Simpsons quote:

    Kang: Oh yeah? Well-BLEEP BLEEPBLEEP BLEEP-hyperbolic paraboloid-BLEEPBLEEPBLEEP BLEEP BLEEEP- Yo' mama!


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    #5
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    Bit stupid, but hey, its Jerry Springer :)

    ps: I always knew you were a slut amp ;)


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