Peter Kayeisms

Mr. Fancypants

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl
crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub
is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a
complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green
crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits
55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really
manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or
not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a
bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your
school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild
is to call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would
kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee
flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a
Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel
when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody
who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks
and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a
thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

SoundWave

heard b4 but very good, gotta love p.k

Mark

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Tbh After Funeral Semi Party (or is it Pre-Funeral..) triangular ham sandwiches beat them all with a great big pointy stick.

No idea why but jaysus they're fine sangers. Maybe the grief heightens the makers concentration or somemin...one of lifes mysteries I suppose.

The list is teh win. Have 4 stars!

simu

Maybe the grief heightens the makers concentration or somemin...one of lifes mysteries I suppose.

That made me laugh!

Tyrrial

they've been posted a few times before, some very funny stuff

bozzie

damn funny and damn true

sionnach

lol those r all real gems

JackKelly

"22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a
Frisbee."


"11) You never know where to look when eating a banana. "


Lol, they are so true

nice topic

de5p0i1er

Funny but true.

BigEejit

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

true, true:D

Mac daddy

:rolleyes:true true

Pugsley

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel
when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.


Getting 'it' stuck in your zipper when using a public toilet, very rare but I seen one guy do it once in a busy supermarket (how did he do it?) but you could see sweat drip from his face in seconds, very funny stuff

LoneGunM@n

Never truer words said .... I was crying from laughter @ that!!

especially

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild
is to call your teacher mum or dad.

I've done it once myself .... for want of a better term .... I was scarlet