take it, hamster

Koopa · 03-03-1999 3:38pm #1

this is from one of the australian quake news sites...

"Question: What if I don't fit with REALHAMSTER's sex parts?

REALHAMSTER's oral, vaginal and anal cavities are independently adjustable to snugly accommodate any willy up to 7" in length and 5½" in circumference without the need for duct tape. REALHAMSTER's passages are computer controlled and hydraulically adjusted 50 times a second to maintain a lifelife feel for any willy for which the REALHAMSTER is calibrated. The willy profile is securely encrypted and stored on a robust MEPROM. REALHAMSTER's adjustment procedure is easy: Erase the MEPROM Place REALHAMSTER in the microwave, set the power to maximum and the cooking time to one minute. Allow to cool for two minutes afterwards.

Choose an orifice and lubricate with vaseline, wet-set jelly, graphite or Celtic Misht, the ultimate personal lubricant. Bugger REALHAMSTER as you would normally. With both hands, squeeze the REALHAMSTER tightly until the feel is just right. While maintaining the hand pressure, thrust with an in and out motion for at least 30 seconds. Repeat steps 2-5 for the other orifices.

A multiuser upgrade ROM, together with a larger MEPROM, will be available soon.

If for any reason you still can't fit into your REALHAMSTER, please come to us. Our friendly staff at the REALHORSE beta-testing facility would really like a visit from you."