Tech Support

Mr E

Just got this in an email..... very funny. (Probably made up, though....)

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This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in along time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause". This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations)

Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?

Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

What sort of trouble?

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?

They disappeared.

Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Nothing.

Nothing?

It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type.

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

How do I tell?

Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

What's a sea-prompt?

Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?

There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Does your monitor have a power indicator?

What's a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

I don't know.

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Yes, I think so.

Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Yes, it is.

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

No.

Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable.

Okay, here it is.

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer.

I can't reach.

Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?

No.

Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's
dark.

Dark?

Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Well, turn on the office light then.

I can't.

No? Why not?

Because there's a power failure.

A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Really? Is it that bad?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Tell them you're too f**king stupid to own a computer.

AdMMM

Wouldnt be surprised if it's real!

4 stars

Mac daddy

poor f*cker he should have got a medal:(
for dealing with such a knob:rolleyes:

Antisocialiser

it real i think i seen it about a year ago, still class though.
makes you think how thick some people really are ww)

de5p0i1er

thats been around for years, don't know if its real or not though.

Urban Weigl

It's real. Not sure if he used the word F-word however (that must have been added).

sci0x

The caller was probly just acting the dick. Surly nobodys that stupid :S

Fabritzo

Call centres should have dedicated therapists, soothing music and aroma rooms etc, if the people who work in them are expected to put up with that sort of stuff. Please feel free to make your own list.

sionnach

im pretty sure this is real, but this slightly modified version has been spiced up a bit with the f word heard this one bout 3 years ago.......

MarkR

Originally posted by denis_o_leary
The caller was probly just acting the dick. Surly nobodys that stupid :S

I had to describe what a cd was the other day. Literally. Round shiny thing.



Mark

Capt'n Midnight

It's a round mirror with a hole in it

Customer in question was the wrong side of 80 and had been sold a multimedia PC. This was back in '93/'94 - all she wanted was to word process - muppet of a sales person (I appear to have stepped in something) sold up ...


Then there was the mouse that did not work - buttons ok but wouldn't scroll - when told it was to be swapped out - customer asked should I leave it in the bag....

There was the problem with the foot pedal...

And it is possible to get an extremely bright Green line on a VGA monitor if you plug the cable in upside down. (Yes I've seen it AND had the telephone call about this one)

And the old faithfull - customer ringing up a bout a modem problem - when you head hurts - just get them to dial up - CLICK !

sci0x

Originally posted by Legbreaker
I had to describe what a cd was the other day. Literally. Round shiny thing.



Mark

ok maybe i was rong and ppl are that thick.

Capt'n Midnight

I've opened up old PC's - you know it's possible to stick a 5.25 floppy disk in the gap's below the FDD's... 7 was the record.


File not found....

Then there was the muppet who stuck his printer driver disk into the font cartridge on the printer....

And the other worse one - he put the disk in the drive - after a lot of head scratching by the techie and not being able to read it... problem solved - yer man was putting in the disk and then taking it out again straight away because the technician did not say to leave it in the drive....


I spent 45 minutes on a call to a field service engineer trying to get a replacement drive setup.. - my mistake - I assumed he'd know that HDD's would not work without power... Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh !


On Dell keyboards there is a Dell logo. So when talking to Dell customers you have to explain very carefully when you tell them to press Del to get into setup....

There was a guy who was arguing as to why he was not going to get an engineer out to fit a tape unit he ordered (it cost less than your average plumber's call out - what do you expect ..) I timed it - took two minutes less to talk him through setting up the drive and a quick test than it did to explain why he was not getting an "engineer"

vibe666

Just as a little defender of the people sort of thing (well not really) Gateway used to have a Restore CD (before they went tits up) and guess what they called it.

the 'Reboot' CD, with REBOOT written on the CD in big letters.

Guess what happens when you are on a tech support call and tell someone (generally someone very stupid, but there are a lot of them about) to 'reboot' their PC after changing settings or updating drivers?

Yup. They call back an hour or 2 later when it's done and tell you all their stuff is gone and whatever the problem was still isn't fixed.

Had that one from someone I worked with (while I was working with him), we were in fits over that one for weeks.

As someone who's in support (don't ask me where, you won't like me any more;)) some of my personal Dilbert moments are when you're on the phone (and all these have happened to me personally):

'Press the Start button' - and the guy proceeds to press the * button on his telephone, so I get this annoying beep in my ear about 6 times.

Not knowing where the the start button is and having to spend ages trying to get them to click on it.

Not knowing what version of windows they have (especially when they've had the PC for 4 years). how would I know that? - because every time you turn the fecking thing on it comes up in big letters right across the screen!

ANYONE who thinks because you know what buttons they need to press, you can actually see what they are doing. big brother is watching!

people who shout and bitch about a problem and claim it's your fault (you directly of course, not the company) so they can try and get you to fix what they have obviously (and they know it most of the time) screwed up themselves.

Anyone with a decent PC (especially the top of the range ones) who have no idea how to use it. they should be made to donate them to those of us would be able to make proper use of it.

And right now, while I was typing this: had a guy telling me:
it says I'm connected, but it's not doing anything.
Have you opened internet explorer?
i don't have it.
go to start, all programs and choose internet explorer. it's the one with a blue e next to it.
oh, its working. thanks, I'm a bit new at this.
really? I'd never have guessed. - OK, so I made that bit up, btu the rest is as it just happened.

bozzie

tha story is true guy lost his job because of it (was being remoted by a supe at the time)
and yeah people who ring call centers are that stupid

ive had my share of stupid people ring up


like the person who thought there was a right click and a wrong click

The start button is a beaut!
Colleague of mine had this complete moron on once who when asked to hit the start button reported that the screen went blank. A couple of reboots later he discovered that the muppet was pressing the power button on the PC unit!
We worked for eircom internal support,my personal biggest muppet was a person who rang me and asked me to order teabags!
TECH SUPPORT FOR F SAKE AND HE'S AKSING FOR TEABAGS!

Sleipnir

ah the joy's of tech support.
The chap who was giving out about his zip drive. He couldn't use it becase his daugher's hand was stuck in it. He wanted to know if there was a release button somewhere. Couldn't believe that it wouldn't work to release his little girl's hand. Of course, he still had it powered on.
"Sir, unplug your zip drive"
"ok done"
"Now take said zip drive and daughter to emergency room"
"what!?!?! you call this tech support" !!!!!

neuro-praxis

I have a customer in work, based in the UK, who can't work out how to save attachments from email to her harddrive, and makes us post the designs to her on floppy disk.

Posting floppy disks for fecks sake. You've no idea how much hassle this is, it slows things down by a good three days, and if she has any difficulties with the design we have to make corrections and start the whole process again. Stupid woman! :mad:

SoundWave

Helpdesk (some strong language) 450KB

MarkR

LMAO. I'm doing support for a brand of laptop right now, I've had that! Fecking idiots. If it's so important make a backup.

Mark

irishgeo

I am in training in college and you want to hear some of things that i get in here.

"Firstly the girl who walked and said the internet is not working"

I go fine and in a go and find out its only the site she wants thats not working


The amount of people that dont understand that PC and MAC computers are not the same think and usually corrupt each other information. (we have a MAC lab and PC labs)

Also the amount of people who think that a floppy disk is the safest place in the world for their data and dont seem to understand why its not best to have your thesis only on a floppy disk.I have seen people with their floppy disk wrapped in cotton wool in covers in case they bang it and lose information.

The list is endless and i could go on for ever.

Gaz

I once had a woman ask me to send her the internet on a floppy disk because using a modem was to slow .... i shi t you not !

Had to spend 20mins explaining what a cd was.

30mins to locate start button.

Got personally blamed because lightning destroyed some guys modem.

Troubleshooted another modem call for about 35mins , only for the goon to ask could this have anything to do with the thunder storm last night ???

And my all time favoutite and i swear this is true ... I had a call from a person who decided to install a new video card into there system ... this person actually managed to get a PCI card into the AGP slot. And then proceed to threaten me with a law suit as i wouldnt take system in under warranty ...

Really is the most soul destroying job out there !

irishman_abroad

Sounds like a lot of ID ten T problems out there

KdjaCL

Dont work in tech but do help mates who arent very good with PCs.

Some classics mates laptop wouldnt turn on asked him was it plugged in he said i have the battery charging for over a day now , i asked did you put the battery back into the laptop??

Another mate more money than sense bought a pc from PC World for about €3000 piece of crap but sales guy told him it was the best on the market ,he buys BF1942 at same time and asked the sales guy if it would run (i told him to ask that )sales guy said yeah no problems pointed out the 2ghz CPU ,512 ram 80 Gb hd etc:
Said this was the latest pc on the market blah blah blah.

Brings it home PC world tech guy sets it up for him ,asks him to install BF1942 the guy does ,guy leaves ,mate shows wife new pc ,wife yawns ,mate tries to play BF PC shuts down ,keeps rebooting trying again ,rings Pc World help desk and this is the classic gets told " the game requires 32mb Video card you only have 16mb you need the latest model to play that game "

He went mental ,than rang me we both went to shop and i abused same sales guy who admitted in front og manager that he said the game would run , free Geforce 4 MX for him

kdjac

pickarooney

Just had a guy on line looking for help (with a product we don't support any more) as the program was telling him he hadn't enough disk space. So he tried to delete some things from teh disk, only to get error messages every time.
It took a while, but he eventually found what OS he was using, and even the size of his hard drive. He kept asking me what files to delete to have more space. Eventually it turned out he was trying to delete the installation files from the CD...

kanurocks

lol sounds like some of the people i work with