Homer Quotes :)

Sposs

Homer (looking for his mom's grave): here lies...walt whitman?! i--hate--you--walt--freaking--whitman!
leaves of grass, my ass!!

see, white people have names like lenny, and black people have names like
carl.

*jumping from one side of a line to another in Australian Embassy* America...Australia...America...Australia!

*crying* ohhh Pinchie! why did you have to go? *takes bite of pinchie* ohhhh,
so goood....I miss pinchie! *eats more of pinchie* if only pinchie were
here to enjoy this now *continues to eat pinchie*

Homer and Mel Gibson make Mr Smith Goes to Washington:
Homer: I second that motion......with a vengeance
Mel Gibson: All those in favour, say die!

Marge: Homer, are you wearing a tie to impress Laddie?
Homer: Do you think he noticed?

Homer: And the big game between Springfield U. and Springfield A&M. I hate
Springfield U. so much!
Lisa: You went to Springfield U. You hate A&M.
Homer: So much.

Homer: Up and away in my beautiful my beautiful motor boat! Da da da da!
Bart: But we didn't enter any police raffle.
Homer: That doesn't matter, the important thing is we won.
Marge: I don't know, there's something very peculiar about this!
Homer: Sheesh! You're the most paranoid family I've ever been
affiliated with.

---

Oh, oh, my boating arm.

---

Marge: He prefers the company of men.
Homer: Doesn't everyone?

homer: mmm, 64 slices of american cheese.
marge: have you been up all night eating cheese?
homer: i think i'm blind.
*smithers and mr burns fall off the ceiling*
mr burns: (dusts himself off) good day to you, sir.

Homer: Can I join your ship?
Taffy Shop Owner: On closer inspection you may note that this is in fact
a taffy store.
Homer: I like taffy, but I don't deserve any.

---

Homer: can I join your ship?
Captain: what vessels have ye sailed on before?
Homer: that one, the taffy store.
Captain: good enough.

Homer: Damage report, Mr. Moe.
Moe: Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.
Homer: Enough of what's out! What's in?
Moe: Ice-blended moccha drinks and David Schwimmer.
Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.


Homer: Yep, this place is great. And some day, when Lisa and Bart get married,
it'll all be theirs.
Marge: You mean when they marry other people.
Homer: Okay, but I ain't paying for two weddin's.

Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Belle launches into her rant against Homer about Bart wrecking her gargoyle
then pasues:
Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

Ralph: you don't want to drink hot wax
Homer: maybe I do son, maybe I do.

Skinner: And there she is: the world's largest cubic zirconia.
Moe: What an eyesore!
Homer: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very
person who was trying to catch him.
Skinner: How ironic.

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club. The sand
wedge!
Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.

training homer to his new identity: "mr. thompson"
agent1: now, when i say "hello mr. thompson" and stomp on your foot, you
say "hello."
homer: gotcha.
agent1: HELLO, mr. thompson.
[silence]
homer (to agent2): i think he's talking to you.

lisa: how many roads must a man walk down, before they call him a man?
homer: six.
lisa: dad, it's a rhetorical question.
homer: seven!
lisa: do you even know what a rhetorical question is?
homer: do i know what a rhetorical question is??

homer: wonder, or blunder?
lisa: yes dad, that was implied.
homer: implied, or implode?

must...kill...moe weeeeeee! must...kill...moe weeeeeeee!

Pugsley

homer: No beer and no TV make homer...........
marge: Go crazy?
homer: Dont mind if i do!!

Sarky

"Old people don't need to be comforted, they need to be isolated, and studied, so it can be determined what nutrients they possess that can be extracted for our personal use."

"When a fire starts to burn,
There's a lesson you must learn!
Something something then you'll see,
You'll avoid catastrope!.....D'oh!"

"Heh heh heh, mule..."

Tyrrial

mr. bruns filling in a form:

<mr. burns> oh.. couse of parents death?
<mr. burns> got in my way.....

i love that one.

Homer: i'll make myself Vice.. NO junior vice president!:D

Retr0gamer

Foreign exchange student
"Don't make me run I'm full of chocolate!"

Ralph
"Thats where I saw the leprauchan. He told me to burn things"

Ralph, when Homer opens the door after Springfield is flooded after the dam breaks to find ralph in bed on the front lawn.
"I think I wet the bed"

Retr0gamer

Comic Store guy.
"Uh, lonliness and cheese burgers are a dangerous combination"

Sleipnir

"hey look!, that kid's got bosom's! hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Sarky

"Homer? Who is Homer? My name is Guy Incognito!"

"*gasp*That man is my exact double!"

"*GASP!* THAT DOG HAS A PUFFY TAIL!!"

TheWolf

Krusty's Cayman Island offshore holding corporation:

I'm sorry, but I can't divulge information on that customers, secret, illegal account.
(puts phone down)
Oh crap, I shouldn't have said he was a customer.
Oh crap, I shouldn't have said it was a secret!
OH CRAP, I definatly shouldn't have said it was illegal!!!
(shrugs)
Ah, its too hot today...

Retr0gamer

Principal Skinner
"...a certain student. Lets call her Lisa X. No thats too obvious. X Simpson"

passive

"ooh, a fat sarcastic star trek fan. you must be a devil with the ladies"

"Uh, lonliness and cheese burgers are a dangerous combination"

ooh**

mix**.

fix it now.

Hugs-E

Oh Lisa, your crazy......Bart's a vampire, Beer kills brain cells.....lets go back to that building......where our beds.....and tv......is

Spunog UIE

"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman."

but i have to say for some unknown reason the thing that makes me laugh more than hommers sayings would be when Bart gets the fly and goes through that teleport thingy and says " i'd be a fool not to try this" cracks me up everytime.

Sarky

"I can't let that happen, I won't let that happen, and I can't let that happen!"

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else(and it hasn't), it's that girls should stick to girl sports, like foxyboxing, hot oil wrestling, and such and such."


Homer, on the Bible:

Talk about PREACHY! Everyone's a sinner! Except for this guy...

parasite

Agent:
Now, before I give you the cheque, one more question. This place "Moe's" you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind?
Homer's Brain:
Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night?
Homer:
It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer's Brain:
Heh heh heh. I would've never thought of that.

still makes me laugh a decade later for some reason, i believe it was the first time he conversed with his brain too :cool:

Sarky

Homer's Brain: Eatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepuddingeatthepudding.


"Will you two keep it down? I can't hear myself think!"

(noise stops)

Homer's Brain: "I want peanuts."

"That's better."

matrim

Save me Jebus, save me?



Beer, Beer, beer, bed, bed, bed.

Dempsey

I hope I didn't brain my damage.

I dont have to be careful, I've got a gun!

demanufactured

!I work hard for the money
so hard for the money
oh well something something something come on gimme lotsa honey"

"baby on board, Something something burt wored"

"Clown college?? , ya cant eat that!"

§eth

Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!

a muppet is not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man( laughs) so to answer your question I don't know"

(Bart): Mo-om! My slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck.
(Marge): Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
(Homer on the phone): Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! ... I gotta go, my weiner kids are listening.

Marge : Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up
tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer : Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!

Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell
good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)...(later, now dead drunk)...so I told him, yeah, I'll get you your money, ya big baloney, you make me wanna puke! Ar..ah..gak..(now incoherent, passes out)."



DOUGH... the stuff that buys me beer
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy who drinks the beer,
FAR..... the distance to mybeer.
SO...... I think I'll have a beer
LA...... La, la la la la beer
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
That will bring us back to...
(Looks into an empty glass)D'OH!

Kalina

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"

"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."

ando

the episode with fallout boy milhouse where they are shooting the million doller set with the real acid. The guy that plays the arnold schwarznegar sees fallout boy aint going to save him so he puts on a pair of goggles for protection,

"ahhh, my eyes, zhe goggles zoo nothzing"