Tech Support

logic1

General Motors doesn't have a 'help line' for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did . .

HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'

CUSTOMER: 'I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!'

HELPLINE: 'Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?'

CUSTOMER: 'What's an ignition?'

HELPLINE: 'It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.'

CUSTOMER: 'Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?'

HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'

CUSTOMER: 'Mycar ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!'

HELPLINE: 'Is the gas tank empty?'

CUSTOMER: 'Huh? How do I know!?

HELPLINE: 'There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?'

CUSTOMER: 'It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?'

HELPLINE: 'It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline.

You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you.'

CUSTOMER: 'What!?' I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components?

I want a car that comes with everything built in!'

HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'

CUSTOMER: 'Your cars stink!'

HELPLINE: 'What's wrong?'

CUSTOMER: 'It crashed, that's what went wrong!'

HELPLINE: 'What were you doing?'

CUSTOMER: 'I wanted to drive faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor.

It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!'

HELPLINE: 'It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?'

CUSTOMER: 'I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!'

HELPLINE: 'General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'

CUSTOMER: 'Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission,

cruise control power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.'

HELPLINE: 'Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?'

CUSTOMER: 'How do I work it?'

HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'

CUSTOMER: 'Do I know how to what?'

HELPLINE: 'Do you know how to drive?'

CUSTOMER: 'I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!'

SantaHoe

LOL, ah christ it's all so true

I blame companies like A0L for marketing PC's and the internet at newbies.
Make's life hell for tech support everywhere

"<abusive tone> I don't have that icon... (5 minutes later) ... oh wait there it is"

---

What's this now?™

Dave

LMAO!!

wan logic

-Dave

Monty - the one and only

LOL


/me remebers his days as a techie


the "newbie" way of removing a paper jam in a printer,


1: rip page out of the printer

2: Get 1 really sharp letter opener and hack at the bits that are left until they come out

3 rint page, an wonder where all the black poweder is coming from.

4:when printer dies for unknown reasons ring Tech. Support with the original problem.

5: wait for a "techie" to arrive , when he dose arrive, lie through your teeth and say that you did not do anything to the printer to remove the jam, only to be caught out "techie" ask's where all the holes came from....

6: confess and tell the truth


7: when the printer has been repaired or replaced repeat step 1 two weeks l8r

OctaviaN

Woman rings tech support for faulty printer.

Lo Tech support how can i help you.

Woman: My printer is'nt printing properly?
T.S.: Ok. Whats coming out on the paper?
Woman: Nothing much, its ok, then goes all blurry about half way down?
T.S.: Ok. What kind of printer is it?
Woman: A Lazer printer.
T.S.: Ok. we'll reinstall the drivers.

.......10 mins l8r.........

T.S.: Ok try and do a test print.
Woman: ok........its still happening?
T.S.: Well I guess youll have to take it back to the suppliers. where did u get it?
Woman: In a local shop.

........L8r in Local Shop........

Hi how can i help u?
Woman: My printer is'nt printing properly?
Shop Assist.: Ok well put it onto this P.C.
S.A.: Now whats happening exactly?
Woman: If u print a test page ill show you, it goes all blurry about half way through.

The printer starts and the woman pulls the rest of the paper out as it comes through...Look its all blurry!

Lump

LOL, I like them

John

tobi

LOL Excellent