Snappy Answers

irishgeo

Snappy Answer No. 1
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his
coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to
see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer No. 2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf
stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No , they're
dead."

Snappy Answer No. 3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on
his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer No. 4
A truck driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge
ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police
car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The truck
driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
petrol."

And finally No. 5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final
exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!". A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised
his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?". The entire class does its
best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."

***EDIT**** Just noticed 899 posts ****

Mac daddy

Originally posted by irishgeo
Snappy Answer No. 1

And finally No. 5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final
exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!". A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised
his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?". The entire class does its
best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."

nice ones

NeoSlicerZ

rofl

nanook

liked number 4, shame we dont have speeds cops with a sense of humor

DEmeant0r

ROFL, funny stuff there, especially 5 and 3

Wolf

Very good reminds me of the time we were all pissed in the back of my mates car (the driver wasnt drink tho) and the cops stop us and ask "Been drinking lads?" And before the dirver can say anything my mate Paddy learns over waves a hand and says in jedi type way "We are not the drunks you are looking for."

Guard had a laugh and told us to p!ss off

Sarky

Originally posted by Wolf
Very good reminds me of the time we were all pissed in the back of my mates car (the driver wasnt drink tho) and the cops stop us and ask "Been drinking lads?" And before the dirver can say anything my mate Paddy learns over waves a hand and says in jedi type way "We are not the drunks you are looking for."

Guard had a laugh and told us to p!ss off

I like it. I like it a lot.:)

de5p0i1er

ROFL, there all good.