Gays gain ground as old guard grind teeth

STaN

Canada's Liberal government has announced plans to recognise same-sex partnerships, while the British government last week announced proposals for similar legislation. It has begun a threemonth consultation on the proposal to give legal recognition to partnerships of lesbian and gay couples aged over 16.

The plans include joint state pension benefits, parental responsibility for each other's children, mutual financial maintenance obligations, recognition of inheritance and tenancy succession rights and the right to register a partner's death and to claim a survivor's pension. Same-sex civil partnerships wouldbe prohibited between blood or half-blood relations, adopted relatives and in relationships arising from former marriages.

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yellum

Now all gay people need is a relationship that'll last longer than a year or for some couples a whole 5 days.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

or a whole night

/me pointedly doesn't glance at certain illuminati mod..

STaN

I don't believe that comment is setting a good example yellum. I wouldn't tar everyone with the same brush; which has been the reason for allot of the complaints on here or about here lately ... coming from someone who has been in a longterm relationship and I sincerly want to find something similar again. There is as much promiscuity among straight couples as there is among gay's. I met the guy i had the long term relationship through work, i met a string of short term relationships with guys from pubs or websites. Environmental?

Some people want them relationships, some don't. One of the reasons in my opinion that some relations do not last is due to the stress and worry that is involved. The issue with being out to only some people and not others will always be there. If there was greater acceptance and a gay couple could walk down O'Connell St holding hands then I can see there being far more long term relationships because they can be comfortable doing so.

Having a relationship in a closed environment where it gets repiticious and hence get's boring: having greater acceptance and freedom would change this in my opinion.

This is a positive step. It might be 20 years before we get to where we want to, but i believe we will get there as sexuality is becoming allot more about expression and being classed as gay or straight will become irrelevant.

Legislation of this kind removes worries about "what happens to the house if we breakup" or "what happens now, where is this relationship going" and people can really view what their options are legally and can do some sort of family planning or decide what they want relationship wise whether that be marraige or some sort of partnership recognition. To date, relationships just went on as it... we called each other "live partners" but beyond that there was no recognition, no legal consquence for adultery and general non acceptance.

De Rebel

everything that stan says, and more besides.

a big reason why gay relationshis don't survive is that they lack the social and legal supports which marriage attracts. i have no wish whatsoever to ape the hetro community, and i detest the phrase "gay marriage" but the availibility of full legal recognition for any legal long term relationship, gay or straight, must become an explicitly stated civil right. and the sooner the better.

ltr's are magic. the scene and the one night stand culture are great fun also. to each his own.

yellum

Originally posted by STaN

... coming from someone who has been in a longterm relationship and I sincerly want to find something similar again.

I think a lot of people want a longterm stable relationship. Thats a given. But its a rare occurance with gay men that they stay together.


There is as much promiscuity among straight couples as there is among gay's.

Totally untrue. I'm sorry but speaking as a gay man and knowing from my own experience and those around me gay men are hugely promiscuous. How many of the people that visit STD clinics are straight compared to gay ? The figures should be 10 to one yet its certainly not the case.

And its not cos gay people are more health conscious. STD clinic visits are a necessity cos we are fucking so many ppl who are doing likewise.



One of the reasons in my opinion that some relations do not last is due to the stress and worry that is involved. The issue with being out to only some people and not others will always be there. If there was greater acceptance and a gay couple could walk down O'Connell St holding hands then I can see there being far more long term relationships because they can be comfortable doing so.


Theres stress and worry in all relationships, its not just a gay thing. Stress and worry about your sexuality might affect your relationship but does this explain why relationships between gay men last a very very short time ? I don't think so.

Its not just gay couples that get **** from bigots. People of different religious persuasions marry and can be under extreme stress but their relationships last, people of diff colour marry and they get hassle, but their relationships last .. this is because of love.

Maybe I'm not being a realist here but does it matter once theres love ? Who gives a sweet damn what people think once you love your partner and your partner loves you ?


Having a relationship in a closed environment where it gets repiticious and hence get's boring: having greater acceptance and freedom would change this in my opinion.


Are you seriously trying to blame a monotonous relationship on homophobia and hiding behind closed doors ? If you have a boring repetitive relationship thats the couples fault, not societies.


Legislation of this kind removes worries about "what happens to the house if we breakup" or "what happens now, where is this relationship going" and people can really view what their options are legally and can do some sort of family planning or decide what they want relationship wise whether that be marraige or some sort of partnership recognition.

These worries might creep in as the relationship goes seriously long term but theres no way I'm thinking about buying a house and what happens to the stuff we buy together after meeting a guy or going out with him for 6 months.

Straight couple are the same, theres no way they are planning out the rest of their lives until they are together a few years.

Thing is this point is rarely reached in a relationship between homsexuals as they might go out with each other for 2-3 months and then the relationship dies.

To date, relationships just went on as it... we called each other "live partners" but beyond that there was no recognition, no legal consquence for adultery and general non acceptance.

If you are worried about the legalties of a long term relationship when it breaks up then you can actually create a legal contract of your "living partnership" , its not the same thing as the state recognizing the relationship but it is still a legal contract which can mirror any marriage contract. Its a business contract which when it boils down to it is the same as a legal marriage contract.

STaN

I don't know many gay men in the 30+ age bracket. The few i do know have been in some long term relationships 4-7 years. I wouldn't doubt its still the case that many marry women and have kids. I just don't know as that stage in life is the whole time of what i have lived now away.

Totally untrue. I'm sorry but speaking as a gay man and knowing from my own experience and those around me gay men are hugely promiscuous. How many of the people that visit STD clinics are straight compared to gay ? The figures should be 10 to one yet its certainly not the case.

And its not cos gay people are more health conscious. STD clinic visits are a necessity cos we are ****ing so many ppl who are doing likewise.

Gay people are more aware of STD's in my opinion. The gay community is smaller so it would allow the quicker transmission of diseases among it.

So are you saying straight guys aren't going out every friday and sat looking to pull. And every night a different girl? That sounds like promiscuity to me.

Theres stress and worry in all relationships, its not just a gay thing. Stress and worry about your sexuality might affect your relationship but does this explain why relationships between gay men last a very very short time ? I don't think so.

Its not just gay couples that get **** from bigots. People of different religious persuasions marry and can be under extreme stress but their relationships last, people of diff colour marry and they get hassle, but their relationships last .. this is because of love.

Maybe I'm not being a realist here but does it matter once theres love ? Who gives a sweet damn what people think once you love your partner and your partner loves you ?

There can be conflicts when one partner want's to express their relationship in a more open/active way by going out with friends as a couple or family events etc. The other partner might not want or be comfortable with being so visible and in the public eye. Maybe he/she is only just after coming out and has not told/does not want to tell some people. This can lead to stress and tension and limiting their social circle where they act as a couple.

This is Ireland 2003, we don't have to marry under extreme stress. We marry who we love and enjoy being around. If its neither of these, it won't last.

Love is fine, love is great, love is warm and safe and what we all strive for. But if a relationship get's boring and repetitive do you wan't to stay in it? I wouldn't.

These worries might creep in as the relationship goes seriously long term but theres no way I'm thinking about buying a house and what happens to the stuff we buy together after meeting a guy or going out with him for 6 months.

Straight couple are the same, theres no way they are planning out the rest of their lives until they are together a few years.

Thing is this point is rarely reached in a relationship between homsexuals as they might go out with each other for 2-3 months and then the relationship dies.

I know straight couple's that really go OTT after 2 months. Going on 3 holidays over 3 months, spending every living moment of the day with each other, and pretty much living together. They might not be planning the REST of their lives together, but their planning their immediate lives and forseeable future lives together.

The point might be rarely reached, but why? How have you or others you have spoken to been burned? How is this different from straight relationships, with some1 having a string of sub-6month partners; which I'm sure is very common?

f you are worried about the legalties of a long term relationship when it breaks up then you can actually create a legal contract of your "living partnership" , its not the same thing as the state recognizing the relationship but it is still a legal contract which can mirror any marriage contract. Its a business contract which when it boils down to it is the same as a legal marriage contract.

No I'm not worried, and i don't want to be. That's the point of this legislation.

yellum

Originally posted by STaN


Gay people are more aware of STD's in my opinion.

As I said , its out of necessity, since we get them more.


So are you saying straight guys aren't going out every friday and sat looking to pull. And every night a different girl?


Some are but actually a lot of guys will meet up with the same girl again. Many don't expect sex on the first night either whereas it seems gay guys do.

This can lead to stress and tension and limiting their social circle where they act as a couple.

Straight couples can deal with it, so again I ask, is love not enough to get over this with gay couples ?

But if a relationship get's boring and repetitive do you wan't to stay in it? I wouldn't.

Yes and its the same in the straight world. Are you saying that gay people get bored more easily then and thats the reason gay relationships don't last as long as straight ones ?

STaN

Some are but actually a lot of guys will meet up with the same girl again. Many don't expect sex on the first night either whereas it seems gay guys do.

We'll never know how many do though. Maybe 10%? That would mean similar figures to the entire gay population.

Straight couples can deal with it, so again I ask, is love not enough to get over this with gay couples ?

Love is not enough for allot of people in general, regardless of sexuality. Love can often be confused with comfort and being used to the other person. They stay in a relationship where they aren't completely happy because its easy to stay where they are. People don't want to be alone and in my opinion it is that not love that keeps them together.

They don't have to deal with comming out to friends. Or different guys having different idea's of how they should act in publin or be protrayed or what way the relationship should work.

With 2 guys it can be easy and it can be hard. (same with girls) They both know what each other likes and their needs. But guys in close quarters in a CLOSED (by some social pressures and close mindedness) environment can get boring and repetitive. In my opinion with changing views over the next few years, we can be allot more liberal and open about our relationships on par with straight relationships and they might be allot easier and fun.