My very Nosey sister

LegacyUser · 05-07-2003 12:41pm #1

Hi,
My sister comes home here at the weekends, and if I haven't every personal and business piece of information under lock and key, she is there reading it.
My Bank statements,invoices,company notes.
Unless I lock the computer ( which I always do now ) she is there searching through company e-mails and some personal stuff.

I have been forthright in telling her to mind her own business, but to no avail.
She constantly complains and moans about everytime i go out and asks who I'm with,I don't answer anymore and simply tell her to mind her own business, but I may as well be talking to the wall.

If anyone rings me on the house phone I'm rarely given the message, so I simply divert calls to my mobile at w/ends.

Now I own the house and to be honest,telling her she's not welcome is not an option.

What do ye think about this? or have ye any suggestions?

Gordon · 05-07-2003 1:42pm

Riiiighhht.

You own the house? Threaten to kick her out.

Pigman II · 05-07-2003 1:51pm

'You know what happens to nosy fellows? They lose their noses!' - Chinatown (1974)

Anyway, sister or not I wouldn't be taking that from her. Sort her out quick (and make sure she knows you mean it) and she'll soon be marching to your beat. Otherwise march her straight out the door.

Failing that if the house is yours then why don't you devote one room to whatever it is you're trying to keep personal and keep it all under lock and key when you're not in there.

Q: Why can you not call the shots if it indeed is your place?

Sangre · 05-07-2003 2:11pm

Mention this in conversation to one of your parents.Depending on them that might think this is terrible and have a stern word with her?
I would assume you be like one of your parents, I dunno.

Frankly, I would tell her to get a bit of cop on next time you see her doing it, serioulsy, tell her to respect your generousity and therefore privacy or get out.

I honestly would do this, no one would disagree with your actions.

Emboss · 05-07-2003 2:26pm

what age is she ?

LegacyUser · 05-07-2003 2:28pm

I can't kick her out, as our mum lives here also.
The house was left to me in a will, with a right of residence for my mother but not my sister.

The sister is an only daughter with an uncanny nack of getting my mum to support her every argument.
But mum will not get involved, she'll just say " thats right, whats the big secret.." and leave it at that.

My sister, if I'm on the phone for instance, will be around the corner listening, which is crazy.
It's a good job she's not here during the week.

Now I'm not being paranoid here, I don't think it's too much to inform people that your mail and your business desk is private.
Incidently she does the same with my brother, and he has had to lock rooms also.
The worst part of it is , she has no sense of what private means, and if she has any info she willingly blurts it out , to all and sundry,without understanding.
She's in her late 20's btw.
I'll just have to keep up the effort I suppose, and listen to the complaints about hiding stuff.
I don't know whats going on in her head as regards moaning about my social life, except that she has this crazy idea that my life is to look after my mum for the rest of my days.
I'm not to get a wife anyhow.

Hobbes · 05-07-2003 2:38pm

Ahh, Sibling warfare.

If I was you I would just make **** up and print it out and mark it as private. You would have to do something good so it would stop her from reading it.

It ever occur to you that prehaps she is spying for something for a reason? I would get a solicitors letter done up and leave it somewhere she can read it. Have it going into details about what you can do legally if she continues to be nosy.

To be honest if she doesn't own the house I would say you might be able to get her on trespass (even if the mother invites her in). It doesn't give her a right to read your stuff.

Emboss · 05-07-2003 2:43pm

her late 20's ? feck sake, buy her a tent and stick her out in the back garden, leave her there untill she cops on or gets a life one or the other

therecklessone · 05-07-2003 2:50pm

My brother does the same when he visits our house, opens letters the whole works.

Try leaving a fake letter to somebody lying around your room, offering to sell them her used knickers...that'll piss her off rightly. If she says it to your mother, point out that the letter is a fake, but that it shows how nosey the little bitch has become.

Failing that, throw her out. You said she hasn't got right of residence, use that aginst her.

jammy_dodger · 05-07-2003 5:19pm

Plant a dildo and Chicks with dicks mag first and then “find them” and start running around the house going “look what I found!!” in front of the rest of the family.

What a Sh1t plan.

She'll just go, 'there not mine, you obviously planted them, you d1ck. What a fukin freak !'

Victor · 05-07-2003 5:36pm

I think you need to get stern with her - what if you have personal information on your clients in your work stuff.

Get one of the nerds here to set up passwords on the computer to allow her access the minimum of stuff.

There is a real temptation to plant something "devastating" for her to find. Perhaps a letter to a local psychiatrist asking for your sister (suffering from obsessive ocmpulsive disorder) to be committed.

You could consider (if permitted in the will) moving out / selling the house. Or build a granny flat.

LegacyUser · 05-07-2003 7:24pm

Gee thanks everyone, lots of food for thought there.

I might even try out some of the err... more funny suggestions :P

( and I will continue to be stern untill the unacceptable attitude changes )
Just as a btw, victor, Mums right of residence, is in effect untill she dies, so she would have to agree to the sale of the house,which is very unlikely.
It also means I cannot raise funds on it, without her consent, but I do get landed with all the costs-it's ownership without the perks.

dod · 05-07-2003 7:30pm

Late 20s eh? Is she good looking? Fit? Tasty? You have any, uh, tasteful photos of her? Answer yes to any three of the above and I might consider taking her off your hands at the weekends for a small fee...

rymus · 05-07-2003 9:17pm

two words....

"restraining order"

ferdi · 05-07-2003 9:19pm

tell her to fook off and get a life.

Mercury_Tilt · 06-07-2003 10:04am

This post has been deleted.

dod · 06-07-2003 10:07am

I like that litmus test idea there Mercury.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 06-07-2003 10:12am

a seven minute double post.. impressive

Mercury_Tilt · 06-07-2003 10:14am

This post has been deleted.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 06-07-2003 10:15am

yes... *sniff*

/me clicks new topic button

WAAAAAAAAAAAAH

*submit*

The Sweeper · 06-07-2003 10:21am

Original poster,

I know something of what you mean. Respect for peoples privacy is something that needs to be taught, it doesn't come automatically. My mom has ALWAYS been TERRIBLE when it comes to respecting my privacy. For instance, recently I had to sit down with her and have a verious serious conversation regarding bank tellers.

I live in the UK now, and have a debt I have to repay in Ireland. It's the result of a bad relationship, so I've never told my mother quite how bad this debt is. (She would worry herself literally to the point of illness). Well I have a feeling recently that when she lodges money for me (I post her a sterling cheque to lodge to my irish bank account for me once a month) she's harrassing the teller for information on the balance of the account. I have had to sit down with her and declare that if she ever finds out what the balance is I will absolutely try my best to have the teller that told her sacked, because that's my business.

In addition to that, mom opens all my post (and has done throughout my history at home), and also used to 'clean my room' occasionally - whether or not it needed it - as a ruse to have a good root. It's made me quite pathological about respecting other peoples privacy, but I know my mother will never change.

It's possible that in some way your sister has convinced herself that she has a level of concern for you that requires her to know everything you're doing. Also, it's possible that she's trying to live vicariously through your life because she's not happy with her own.

My response to you would be neaten things up - don't leave stuff lying around - get yourself a filing cabinet, file everything, and lock the thing. If she gets your mom on her side and they try and get you to disclose the 'big secret' you're hiding, simply tell them that the information you want to keep private could have a negative effect on your work if it got out, and your sister can't keep a secret so you wont let her near it.

It's not realistic to suggest you throw her out of the house. However, if the place is yours, and it costs you money, then you have rights. Sit down with her and tell her everything that's yours is off limits. There's no point just going off at her every time you catch her rooting - you'll have to have a deadly serious conversation where you tell her to mind her own business and point out that you're going to start buying secure storage to keep her out.

My very Nosey sister

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