things my girlfriend and I have laughed about

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html

absaloutely farking brilliant it's pretty long but had me in tears laughing all the way through

de5p0i1er

LOL. Its strange what some ppl get so angry over.

tman

I eat two-fingered Kit-Kats like I'd eat any other chocolate bars of that size, i.e., without feeling the need to snap them into two individual fingers first. Margret accused me of doing this, 'deliberately to annoy her'.

lol, the poor guy:D

commuterised

Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'

doh, guilty...

commuterised

actually after reading more of this, how come these guys are still together???

GuanYin

Brilliant.

Actually it is scary how much of that I can relate to....

Mr E

Make sure you read the FAQ too....

Are you and Margret married?

No. The clue there would be in the 'girlfriend' bit. We've been together for, at time of writing, about fourteen years, however, and fully expect to be together until death. Longer if Margret dies first as she's made it known she intends to haunt me - appearing suddenly in front of my car while I'm out driving at high speed on wet roads, that kind of thing.

Love the dry sense of humour......

- Dave.

damnyanks

Margret flooded the kitchen last week. Turned the taps on, put the plug in the sink, and utterly forgot about it (because she'd come upstairs and we'd got involved in an unrelated argument). She goes back downstairs, opens the door and - whoosh - it's Sea World. The interesting thing about this is, if I'd flooded the kitchen, it would have been a bellowing, 'You've flooded the kitchen, you idiot!' and then she'd have done that thing where I curl up in a ball, trying to protect my head, and she kicks me repeatedly in the kidneys. As it was, however, there's a shout, I run downstairs and stand for a beat in the doorway - taking in the scene, waves lapping gently at my ankles - and she turns round and roars, 'Well, help me then - can't you see I've flooded the kitchen, you idiot?'

muwah

damnyanks

Ooooh and

Just for reference; if Margret returns from having her hair cut and says, 'What do you think?' and you reply, 'I'd love you whatever your hair was like,' well, that's very much The Wrong Answer, OK?


'Get your hands off me - you're freezing.'

yes I am bored

Mac daddy

That would drive you made having to put up with her all day long :eek:

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Heh, saw this a while ago. I am convinced my girlie has been secretly attending some sort of "how to be more like Margaret" school lately... but the guys writing is brilliant!

Feel the love.

oeNeo

She really over-reacts whenever she catches me wearing her underwear.

Hahah

Mark

Saw the link on IRC yesterday, marvellous stuff.

His style reminds me of Bill Bryon in some places tbh, and bejaysus he kept me laughing almost constantly once he got into full flow near the middle.

My favourite bit:

She says, 'What are you doing?', I peer at her with irritation and expel air, we go on about our business. This morning, though, she came upstairs to the attic here while I was sitting in front of the computer doing some work on the net.
'What are you doing?' she asks.
Trying to concentrate on something, distracted and harassed, I reply with some degree of acerbic aggravation.
'What does it look like I'm doing?'
There's a beat, during which we hold each others eyes, unblinking.
It's immediately after this beat has passed that I realise I'm wearing no trousers.

TomTom

can relate to way too much of that

byte

OMG, that's funny! Very good.:D

dod

Absolutely classic. I just frittered away half of today reading the site. Top notch stuff.

fisty

yeah he's a funny guy alright...

BoobeR

Haha that's some classic stuff, god i'd hate to go out with her o_O

Margret - 'YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH HER, DON'T YOU?'
.. hehe

Wook

The Terror Of Lids: Yes, the rewards are high, but it's a game where the price of defeat is savage. Sometimes Margret, after grunting with it herself for a collection of 'hnggh's, will hand me a bottle or a jar that has a screw top along with an impatient, 'Open that for me.' If the gods lie content in the skies above England at that moment, then what follows is a rapid flick of my wrist, a delightful 'click-fshhhh' gasp of surrender, and my handing the thing back to her FEELING LIKE A HERO OF NORSE LEGEND


wohahahahaha !!! good and funny page

Thorbar

Argh blocked in work for some reason, anyone care to copy an paste the whole thing into a pm for me?

*bats eyes*

po0k

Originally posted by Mordeth
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html

absaloutely farking brilliant it's pretty long but had me in tears laughing all the way through

found this aout a year and a half ago, haven't checked up on it in ages
thx

po0k

Originally posted by Mark
Saw the link on IRC yesterday, marvellous stuff.

His style reminds me of Bill Bryon in some places tbh, and bejaysus he kept me laughing almost constantly once he got into full flow near the middle.

My favourite bit:

She says, 'What are you doing?', I peer at her with irritation and expel air, we go on about our business. This morning, though, she came upstairs to the attic here while I was sitting in front of the computer doing some work on the net.
'What are you doing?' she asks.
Trying to concentrate on something, distracted and harassed, I reply with some degree of acerbic aggravation.
'What does it look like I'm doing?'
There's a beat, during which we hold each others eyes, unblinking.
It's immediately after this beat has passed that I realise I'm wearing no trousers.

There is, it's opulently redundant of me to add, a perfectly reasonable and innocuous explanation for why I'm browsing the web alone in my attic with no trousers on, but you're all busy people and I know you have neither the inclination nor the time to waste hearing it. As an image, however, it did rather undercut my sarcasm. Margret - in a brutally savage reversal of tactics - didn't speak. She merely raised her eyebrows and there, revealed, was a face that read, 'I have been waiting thirteen years for this moment.'

Excellent.
I have tears in my eyes with laughter

Blitzkrieger

Originally posted by Mark


My favourite bit:

There's a beat, during which we hold each others eyes, unblinking.
It's immediately after this beat has passed that I realise I'm wearing no trousers.

Aye - I think you lose any argument by default if you're not wearing pants.