So unhappy

LegacyUser

I was just checking out that thread on happiness, and it kind of prompted me to post this on a venting spree.

I'm really not happy. At all. I don't know what it is, sometimes I get killer mood swings and sometimes I'm really ecstatic, but the basic level is just unhappy.

I put on a happy face around my friends most of the time. I'm really really good at it, but sometimes, usually when I've been drinking, it just gets far too much for me and i'll break down over something stupid. A friend of mine was with me the first time I did that a couple of months ago, and he's just been amazing, but I don't want to burden him with all my problems, because If I called him everytime i was down i'd call him twice a day. I guess I'm also worried that i might freak him out, and he wouldn't be able to handle it.

I'm on some meds for a sports injury I got last year, and he thinks they might be screwing me up, but I don't think that's it.

i know why i started being unhappy. I've been like this since I was 12, when a friend of mine ****ed me over and and i got really messed up. But that was 6 years ago, and I've dealt with it, and I should be okay, but I'm not.
I really don't have any reasons not to be happy. I have a huge group of friends who I just adore and who i know adore me, I've passed my exams, i've got enough money, my parents are still together, There's plenty of guys that like me.... But that all just makes me feel guilty because I'm *not* happy. i have such low self esteem. I really take what other people say to heart, even though I know it isn't healthy. I just feel like i'm never going to be good enough.


I do really stupid things sometimes, and I know they're stupid whle I'm doing them. Like sometimes I won't eat for a week, or I'll take more of my painkillers than I'm supposed to, or I'll drink till I pass out, or I'll just cut myself off from the world for a while, and last week I went home with a friend of mine who i knew was crazy about me, and I knew I'd hate myself in the morning and that he would as well, but I did it anyway.

i just don't know what to do.

There's various reasons why I *can't* see a psychologist or a psychiatrist or any kind of counsellor. I just can't. ever.

I don't know why i'm posting this.

K

jammy_dodger

I *can't* see a psychologist or a psychiatrist or any kind of counsellor. I just can't. ever.

Thats your problem right there, If your not willing to take the measures needed to sort yourself out. Then it'll be very hard to recover.
Im not saying you need a psychiatrist, but the fact that you refuse to go to one, say to me, that your not ready to confront whats making you so unhappy.

If you don't mind sharing, what happened when you were 12 ?
Its a very young age to permanently affected, by what your friend did.

Oh and PLEASE eat properly, stop drinking exsesively, and don't sleep around, or you'll send yourself to an early grave.

Gordon

You really should go to a professional. I don't know why I'm posting this.

Go to see a councellor, or failing that - look to our Charter/Links page for a number for the Samaritans. You need to speak with someone that is trained in dealing with issues like yours. I wouldn't want to see you get bad advice from here.

I'll keep this open for now but Krayzee - this should not be the place for you to seek enlightenment, but the place to be notified of certain areas where you can gain enlightenment ie - a councellor.

Ronan|Raven

Goto a councillor, or speak to someone who is trained in that area. I have gone through a lot of what you describe there Krayzee, drinking till ya pass is always a good idea at the time but trust me it sure as hell is not the answer. Putting on a happy face infront of yer friends can be a bad thing is a way I did it for a long time but one night whilst we were all back at my gaff we were drunk, stoned etc I told em about my problems and yad be amazed how good it is to have yer good friends knowing as they can will try help ya though it or be more understanding to when yer not feeling 100% The main thing though is to goto talk to someone wether it be a professional or a good friend. It can be good to talk.

dendenz

Samratins 1850 60 90 90

imp

Also jo@samaritans.org is good if you don't feel like you're able to talk to them over the phone for any reason.

I'd give it a shot, they've helped me through some tough times.

}:>

Silent Grape

tell people how you feel, a good friend or brother/sister or something. dont give up on yourself, believe that u can get through this, because you can, and ull be a stronger, wiser, better person for it. i used to do a lot of the risky stuff u talk about, it doesnt help in the long run but im sure u know that anyway. and seeing a counseller really isnt bad, they seem to know and understand what ur feeling even before u tell them!

please pm me if u want a chat.
gud luck xxx

Ruu_Old

A friend of mine was with me the first time I did that a couple of months ago, and he's just been amazing, but I don't want to burden him with all my problems, because If I called him everytime i was down i'd call him twice a day. I guess I'm also worried that i might freak him out, and he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Hi im sure ur friend wouldnt mind at all listening and do everything they can to help you out.
As the rest of the guys said maybe try councelling if it doesnt work out, good luck. Pm me also, always up for a good chat

Dagon

Woah.. I really know exactly how you feel. This constant unhappiness, or even when you're happy knowing that it won't last. I also remember a very empty feeling deep down, sometimes almost like a pain inside.

Having great friends, and even three great sisters helped me quite a bit, but it was still there, this unhappiness.. having people to talk to does help, but in my case a lot of the time I would go back to feeling unhappy..

It's a bitch, and it's ery hard to figure out where it's coming from or why you feel that way. Just remember, you are not the only one feeling like that.

I found a way out of this unhappiness, check out my other post.. that worked for me, but I can't guarantee it will work for you or anyone else. I've seen a lot of people helped though... In your case, it's worth a try! Things don't get much worse than when you have feelings of unhappiness more often than not... success, money, great friends, parties, holidays - these things will give temporary relief but don't get rid of the unhappiness (as you said in your post)..

Really, you have to make a decision for yourself about how you will deal with this. Follow your heart.