Is this it? (LONG READ)

LegacyUser

I am a male in my early 20s and never had much experience with women but no i have a situation. I am quite shy around women and genarlly dont go trying to chat them up. My motto in life is good things come to those who wait.I recently started drinking and people said i am much the better for it as it has taken me out of my shell.They even said they notice it when i am sober.

Lately this girl i know has been paying some extra attention to me, What i mean buy this is,is i have sorta known her for a while but now she is getting closer to me.

I will describe 3 incidents which have made me think this:

I would like to explain that everyone mentioned here is from the same area and i generally talk to most of the every weekend as like myself all these people go away to work and college.

I have know her to see for a while but not to talk to her. i met her and some friends out in galway one night and went up talking to them just to say hello because i knew them. All i really said was what i was doing in galway etc.

Meet her out again a few weekends back and just said hello how are things where did you go after i seen you in galway etc.

This weekend however things got more interesting.I was at a friends party and she was there i was heading towards the toliet she was on the dancing floor and she called me over to go dancing, I danced and talked to her but cant remenber what i said,due to the copious amounts of beer consumed after that.

The next night the party moved on to the next town and she was out with us but dont actually remenber seeing her again to beer.
But the next morning i heard she went to a house party and was looking for me.

Yesterday as i headed to get my bus i was walking to the street and this car beeps and its her she gives me a big wave and drives on. Its was in the middle of town and on a one way street so if she wanted to stop i dont think she could.

What i am asking is this her being friendly or somehting more.I dont know if she has a boyfriend.I never have been able to read women signals so i cant tell.

She could be friends but why now and not before and beause of my shyness and lack of confidence in myself i have asked myself "what does she see in me" as she is a very young women in many ways.

I cant ask her out for a drink as its just not done where i am from but i will see her most weekends.

Please stop me making a fool of myself is she is only being friends by trying to chat her up and if not how to i approach it. My general feeling is a wait and see appproach as if she likes she will let me know.

PS Please ignore my spelling mistakes as the last time i went back to read over it my computer crashed and i had to retype it, so ill not bother this time.

BuffyBot

You can't ask her for a drink??? surely there must be some event, sometime, somewhere soon where you both could socialise?

Anyway...you will never know until you muster up the courage to ask. No amount of guessing, signalling or playing about will ever discover whether she feels the same...just a question!

denis

First of all, you have to make a fool of yourself at some point. Everyone does.

Couple of things to think about..
1) She probably likes you. If she doesn't, what have you lost by asking her for a drink? (And what's this "it's not done" shi.te?)

2) How in the name of God would anyone here have more of an idea if she fancies you than you do?

3) You're probably tormenting yourself now, not knowing either way. Think how much nicer it would be not to have to worry about it - even if it turns out she's just being friendly. Worst case scenario - she's your friend.

Tusky

your asking us if this girls likes you ? your a mongoose, how are we suposed to know if she likes you just from what you wrote ? good things come to those who wait ? bolox "the things we regret are the chances we never take"

*mount* her - thats easiest way to see if she likes you :rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

easy peasy.

she appears to like you.

cool.

what do you think is a good way to meet up in a non commital, 'lets have a chat' type of way.

how about a coffee?

how about mentioning youre going to the cinema to see bruce almighty, and 'hey, you wanna come along?'

hmmm, maybe you have plans to go to apub or a nightclub, and 'hey, im going to xyz on thursday, you fancy meeting up?'

dont worry about what is done where youre rom.

youre not in a country village now you big wool headed lumox arf!

in fact, why not just say 'hey next time youre bored, call me and we'll go and feed the ducks!'

make up something funny, and and throw it out with getting your phone number., or her phone number.

its not mission impossible you know

ferdi

tuskey, i like your sig

Typedef

In Machivellian style.

Arrange a time when both of you just 'happen' to go out and get sloshed...

then let nature take it's course.



oh baby

LegacyUser

Ok ill explain a little further what i mean.

Firstly whoever mention that little country village they are right. thats where i am from where everyone ones and gossips about everything. My drunken weekend will have made the "the local grapevine by now" Thats one reason i cant ask her for a drink,as evryone will know how i feel about her then and if its no the naswer i want ill wont know what to do.she works in sligo and i am in galway so its not just down the road.

Finally i am not asking people to say whether she likes me just whether they are signs wmen give off when they like someone.

I am taking heart from this but my shyness will stopping me asking her for a drink of any kind. But what i can do is ask her does she want a drink when i getting talking to her.

Finally having sent many of stupid mesages to women i would most likely be better of without her number.

Lil'MissGiggles

You really need to tell her how you feel!

I'm currently in a situation where I like this guy, he knows I like him and a few weeks ago told me he liked me. We were meant to go out again but he's cancelled on me and now doesn't seem interested. He hasn't said anything to me about liking me or not liking me so at the moment I am going slightly insane wondering if I should just move on or should I wait and give him to time, coz i know that he is shy.

If he would just tell me straight out if he's interested or not it'd make my life a bit easier I wouldn't be worrying or wondering.

I'm too much of a chicken sh!t to ask him straight out so am just waiting for something to be said.

Girls can be just as clueless about whether guys like them or not so just tell her!!

Or as WhiteWashMan said invite her out casually, it can't hurt!

Gordon

IS THIS IT? I would go with the advice mentioned. I would add - what would you want to do with this fine lady if indeed you became 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'? If one of these actions includes, for example, listening to music together - then I suggest that you invite her over to listen to some music. Or whatever your want from her is - you should ask her if she wants to partake in that want at a determined day/date.

Lil'MissGiggles - I'm going through that too. I would suggest either giving up or confronting him in a non-heavy way. he is either a chicken for dumping you in a crap way or he doesn't know the depths of your feelings towards him.

Hecate

Definatly ask her out for a drink or some kind of get-together.

From what you've said it sounds as if she likes you; if you approach her she probably won't say no. At the very least, it's not like your close friends or anything so you won't have to see her again if things don't work out.

Whatever you do, take some kind of action. At the risk of sounding like a pop-psychologist, be more proactive

PhilipMarlowe

Haven't you just answered all your own questions?
1. You can't possibly talk to her.
2. You can't meet her for a drink.
3. You can't have her number.
4. The neighbours wouldn't "let" you, even if you could...

I suggest waiting for her to send you a big 6' poster with big red wrining on it proclaiming how much she likes you. When you get this, post back here to plan out whether you should reply to it or not...

ps. stay off the drink a bit if it means you can't remember talking to her.... maybe she's waving at you because you two had a right good shag at that party...

dod

I think that the issue with a difficulty like this is that you're going to get a lot of crap advice. You'll probably even get advice from guys who are absolutely terrified of girls, but that doesn't stop them having great stories to tell about their conquests!

My advice is probably just as useless as anyone elses, but for what its worth, I'd suggest that if you treat her exactly as you'd treat a close male friend. Ask her out for a drink same as you would your mates. Ring her and find out what plans she has, same as you would a mate. Hang out in her house, or in your house, over a few cans or a bottle of wine watching TV or listening to music same as you would with your mates. You'll probably find that she can relax entirely with you when you treat her as naturally as this. Then you can work out the best approach to see if there's anything there beyond a close platonic relationship worth pursuing.

Do let us know how you get on.

dazberry

IS_THIS_IT?
Well in this case, all good things coming to those that wait, might just get fed up. Since you tend to find yourself in her company on a semi-regular basis, why not make the effort to just have a friendly chat when you meet. If you go a bit easier on the sauce, you might just start to get an idea what’s she’s about. Maybe a few well placed compliments, and a little bit of flurting, and she how that goes. She's not going to come up and save you from yourself, relax, be friendly and just judge for yourself as time goes on. She may just be friendly, she may be shy, but if you get to a point you think you should (and want to) ask he out for a drink, then for GOD SAKE do.

Originally posted by Lil'MissGiggles
I'm too much of a chicken sh!t to ask him straight out so am just waiting for something to be said.

I don't think that's exclusive to you L'MG. I seem to lose my spine at inappropriate moments - today being another episode in the legacy.

Originally posted by Gordon
I'm going through that too.

Think someone should start a poll now

About 18 months ago, and after about 4 months of being in bits about this girl, and on the event of a bus breaking down, I managed to get chatting to her. This girl is the most wondrous creation that's been put on this earth - from a certain point of view - and on that occasion I discovered that she's incredibly nice (I figured that she'd tell me to feck off), and that she's deaf, the latter being a bit of a shock, as we tend to build perceptions in our mind that don't tend to stand true.

But as things happened, I saw her a few times in passing, and said hello, and then changed jobs, so I didn't see her for ages, or if I did, didn't get the chance to say hello. Now I'm back in the zone I'm seeing her regularly, and I've passed by her, and I just can't get it together to even say hello, I'm like a butterfly filled dizzy jelly trifle.

Now, she may dislike me as me, she might dislike me because she thinks I don't talk to her because she's deaf, or she could be "mad into me bones (man)", and I just don't know. But one things is for sure, its up to me to resolve this one. No amount of advice is going to sort this out. [Insert expletive here]

D.

Amz

Yeah add me to the poll too!

Chicken sh!t extraordinaire here!

WhiteWashMan

all you people need some of that whitewashman 'self esteem' course work

sceptre

Originally posted by Lil'MissGiggles
I'm too much of a chicken sh!t to ask him straight out so am just waiting for something to be said.

Ah but something was said. He told you he liked you a few weeks ago. You said he's shy - he may not bring it up again for a long time, if ever. What was your response at the time? "Thanks very much"?

Lil'MissGiggles

I'll say again what i said above "He knows I like him and a few weeks ago he said he liked me" so he already knows i like him!

I've even said it since then, but he seems to be growing more distant and in recent days I feel uncomfortable talking to him because I don't know if he wants me to talk to him at all.

Agh! I don't know

dazberry

Originally posted by Lil'MissGiggles
I'll say again what i said above "He knows I like him and a few weeks ago he said he liked me" so he already knows i like him!

I've even said it since then, but he seems to be growing more distant and in recent days I feel uncomfortable talking to him because I don't know if he wants me to talk to him at all.

Agh! I don't know

Well if he said he likes you and is now being distant I'm afraid it appears that he doesn't like you (in that way). Some guys (WWM excluded ) don't often handle these situations too well, and tend to make things worse by not being man enough to give you some closure, be it good and bad.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by dazberry
Well if he said he likes you and is now being distant I'm afraid it appears that he doesn't like you (in that way). Some guys (WWM excluded ) don't often handle these situations too well, and tend to make things worse by not being man enough to give you some closure, be it good and bad.

oh hey, im not so different. ive just been about and done some stuff, and been in these situations.
i dont know everything. i just know what works for me. its just experience of *life*.
add that with a bit of self confidence and you cant really go wrong. besides, i think you are better off to have made an effort and made an arse of yourself than to sit there quietly wishing someone is going to come up to you, declare their undying love for you and carry oyou away on a pleasure cruise around the world. lets face it, that aint gonna happen, so you may as well try to get what you want, rather than just dream about it.

if you like someone, tell them. whats the worse that will happen?
they will reject you.
so what.
you want to sit around pining after someone who doesnt want you? get a grip.
you want to be with someone who wants to be with you.

whats the best that will happen?
you go out, you get laid, hip hip hurrah!

so what if you get turned down. get on with life, dont sit around being a sad sorry state.

its true, youth *is* wasted on the young

Tusky

all you people need some of that whitewashman 'self esteem' course work

id buy that for a dollar, can we do it over email ? :rolleyes:

dazberry

Only slagging WWM, but you're absolutely right, and it is about confidence, well until you hit 30 and then its about what job you do, what car you drive and what house you own

Sposs

Originally posted by Tusky
"the things we regret are the chances we never take"

Great quote one to live your life by,what have you got to lose? she tells you to **** off big deal it'll be embrassing until something new comes along to gossip about.
But what if she says yes?you could be letting your future wife,mother of your children etc walk out of your life because your gutless!!!!
Also try a not go so heavy on the drink,seeing you in a corner out cold covered in vomit is hardly going to help your cause.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I take the wait and see approach and if an oppurtunity to ask her for a drink comes along i'll take it.

Also where do i sign up for WWM Self Confidence 101?


I'LL keep ypu updated and try to ease off the drink while trying to get to know her.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

dazberry

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
If only matey... if only.......

Maybe I move in the wrong circles

I do know some girls that are really bad like that and its frightening. Of course, having neither car, nor house (job is ropey), needing a serious haircut and lacking any decent fashion it doesn't help.

But I can still make the girlz scream - normally when I ask them out

D.

Typedef

Ammendum.

Who gives a toss what people in a small town think of you?

It's called your life, it's yours and if (n) people have a problem with that (especially) small numbers of people, let them go on shi-te

sideways

*hostility not required... but... it is a welcome bonus