Billy Connelly - Things I Hate

Jim

Billy Connolly-

Things I hate about everybody....

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my
crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the
entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and
change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too". F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the
f*cking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the
longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's
longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus
come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to
be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?'
No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's
an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless
you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll
have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you
alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Pugsley

Their all brilliant, pity they been posted so many times before. Damn that Billy Connolly is a genius

Antisocialiser

Lmao at the mc donalds one.

bozzie

love the last one

I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

rofl classic

Gordon

Yeah very funny, but was it really Billy Connolly - the style doesn't sound like him.

Samson

Originally posted by Gordon
Yeah very funny, but was it really Billy Connolly - the style doesn't sound like him.

Well the first one certainly is, I remember that one from one of his TV shows.

Jim

the style doesnt sound like him

just put on some brightly coloured trousers and say them with a scottish acent and ull be grand.

de5p0i1er

ROFL. Thats sheer genius, loved the lot.

Tellox

that billy connolly is fcking class, but nothing will compare to the rangers & celtic skit, the angry scotsman, and the masturbation skit!

Zukustious

The McDonalds one is very true. Every time I ask for chicken nuggets, it's just a blank look from the guy there, then: Oh, do you mean McChicken nuggets? What does he think?

Imposter

Originally posted by Zukustious
The McDonalds one is very true. Every time I ask for chicken nuggets, it's just a blank look from the guy there, then: Oh, do you mean McChicken nuggets? What does he think?

Well I used to work for a company that had McDonalds as one of our customers. One day we got a McFax. I sh1t you not!

Mac daddy

That man is a legend brilliant

Pugsley

Originally posted by Imposter
Well I used to work for a company that had McDonalds as one of our customers. One day we got a McFax. I sh1t you not!

ROFL ROFL!! now THATS comedy!! :D

Tyrrial

brilliant

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless

just as good

. One day we got a McFax. I sh1t you not!

Zer0^

hhahaha there all good